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Last post 10 months ago by smokestaxx. 71 replies replies.
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Mrs. Mcghee
Magwitch Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 03-26-2010
Posts: 48
My cub scout den mother was a domineering, mole-faced beast of a hag named Mrs. Mcghee. Early 50s, matronly, and always stuffed sausage-like into a pair of nylon slacks. Wednesdays after school I'd go to her house with my fellow cubs. Punch and cookies first, then play time in the basement, followed by some hideous crafts project. Everything was regimented. How we drank our punch, ate our cookies, and made our crappy crafts. It was all under the strict control of that corpulent witch. She'd even hover over me as I played Rock'em Sock'em Robots with my buddy Richie. "Don't push the buttons too hard," she'd hiss. Arguments or even the mildest of boyhood insults were not tolerated. After trouncing Ritchie at a game of Risk I couldn't resist calling him an idiot while doing a victory dance. The beast was on me in an instant. She grabbed me by the collar and screamed "Is this how your mother raised you?" After that incident she was marked. While I wasn't crazy about my mother, I wasn't about to tolerate this ugly sow dissing her. The gears were turning. I would quit cub scouts--that was obvious. I just had to come up with a parting gift for Mrs. Mcghee. At 9 I was already a devious and malicious imp. After thinking about it for a few days, I scripted out my vengeance. The following Wednesday I went to her house as usual. I hit the punch extra hard that day and went to playtime as usual. When you needed to go to the bathroom at Mrs. Mcghee's you had to ask permission. Only one kid could go at a time and you had to go upstairs as there was no bathroom in the basement. Although I had to go, I held it through playtime and over halfway through crafts. Finally, when I started wincing at the fullness of my bladder I asked Mrs. Mcghee if I could use the bathroom. With a dismissive wave she told me to go up. I bypassed the bathroom and went right to her hall closet where I let loose a seemingly endless stream. I soaked boots, shoes, coats and umbrellas. It was deeply satisfying. After giving the toilet a flush I went back downstairs with my poker face. Everything went smoothly and my mother picked me up as usual. I'd only been home for an hour when the phone rang. Mrs. Mcghee was enraged. We all used the bathroom so there was no way she could finger me. Besides, although I was only 70 pounds, at 9 years old I was already a heavyweight champion liar. I played the incredulous shock card when my mother told me what happened. She bought it.

I had forgotten about Mrs. Mcghee until 12 years later when I met a tranny named Peaches (whose real name was Ray) while doing a stretch at Marion Correctional. Peaches, who'd do pretty much anything for a pack of Newports, bore a startling resemblance to Mrs. Mcghee. He was a poor excuse for a woman but was skilled at his craft and got you where you wanted to go.

I was reminded of Mrs. Mcghee today after reading TrishS's post. I have no desire to ever meet TrishS but if I ever found myself in her hall closet I'd make the most of it.

Warm regards,
Magwitch
bassman45 Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 07-05-2009
Posts: 3,939
Welcome back,Mags!
wheelrite Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 11-01-2006
Posts: 50,119
So you're into quasi Amish Broads ?
m j toal Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 03-06-2009
Posts: 3,194
Heeeeeeeeeee's Baaaaack................Herfing
ZRX1200 Online
#5 Posted:
Joined: 07-08-2007
Posts: 51,043
Nice.
JadeRose Offline
#6 Posted:
Joined: 05-15-2008
Posts: 17,891
I knew I could get you back, Mag. Was it the chicken sacrifice that did it?


=d> =d> =d> =d> =d> =d> =d> =d> =d>
m j toal Offline
#7 Posted:
Joined: 03-06-2009
Posts: 3,194
Ahhh.


The good 'ol days.


Please post more pics Mags.
ZRX1200 Online
#8 Posted:
Joined: 07-08-2007
Posts: 51,043
My money was on an upper decker while reading this......
TIGERCDW Offline
#9 Posted:
Joined: 09-17-2009
Posts: 7,896
Love it.

TIGER
jimbud Offline
#10 Posted:
Joined: 12-18-2009
Posts: 3,943
ZRX1200 wrote:
My money was on an upper decker while reading this......

Z, you realize you are the only person on here who Magwitch has ever responded to. As I recall, he said he liked you and offered up his invalid sister. I don't think he has ever corresponded with anyone else on here.
bassman45 Offline
#11 Posted:
Joined: 07-05-2009
Posts: 3,939
ZRX1200 wrote:
My money was on an upper decker while reading this......


LOL +1
jimbud Offline
#12 Posted:
Joined: 12-18-2009
Posts: 3,943
bassman45 wrote:
LOL +1

Naaaaw, he never goes with the expected.
wheelrite Offline
#13 Posted:
Joined: 11-01-2006
Posts: 50,119
jimbud wrote:
Z, you realize you are the only person on here who Magwitch has ever responded to. As I recall, he said he liked you and offered up his invalid sister. I don't think he has ever corresponded with anyone else on here.


he wants Jamie's sex...
JadeRose Offline
#14 Posted:
Joined: 05-15-2008
Posts: 17,891
Mag's post reminds me of how much wheelrite enjoyed blowing bubbles as a child. How is ol' Bubbles, Wheel?
Campage Offline
#15 Posted:
Joined: 06-22-2012
Posts: 6,283
He he!
delta1 Offline
#16 Posted:
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 19,823
Magwitch wrote:
My cub scout den mother was a domineering, mole-faced beast of a hag named Mrs. Mcghee. Early 50s, matronly, and always stuffed sausage-like into a pair of nylon slacks....

I had forgotten about Mrs. Mcghee until 12 years later when I met a tranny named Peaches (whose real name was Ray) while doing a stretch at Marion Correctional. Peaches, who'd do pretty much anything for a pack of Newports, bore a startling resemblance to Mrs. Mcghee. He was a poor excuse for a woman but was skilled at his craft and got you where you wanted to go.

I was reminded of Mrs. Mcghee today after reading TrishS's post. I have no desire to ever meet TrishS but if I ever found myself in her hall closet I'd make the most of it.

Warm regards,
Magwitch



Sorry Sir, I'm picturing Gina Carano, the gorgeous MMA buttkicker in the movie "Haywire." If we're going to get our azzes kicked, let it be by someone good-looking.

Pray
sd72 Offline
#17 Posted:
Joined: 03-09-2011
Posts: 9,600
Keep em coming!
dubleuhb Offline
#18 Posted:
Joined: 03-20-2011
Posts: 11,350
Always a good story from Magwitch.
JadeRose Offline
#19 Posted:
Joined: 05-15-2008
Posts: 17,891
This must stay near the top
ZRX1200 Online
#20 Posted:
Joined: 07-08-2007
Posts: 51,043
Yeah I think we share a level of perspective that others just dont see....

I did offer to bring a box of wine for date night.
grmcooper Offline
#21 Posted:
Joined: 10-10-2006
Posts: 20,301
This is a top 10 post...





Top!
dstieger Offline
#22 Posted:
Joined: 06-22-2007
Posts: 10,802
Applause


refreshing
cacman Offline
#23 Posted:
Joined: 07-03-2010
Posts: 11,857
Classic Mag!!!
Whistlebritches Offline
#24 Posted:
Joined: 04-23-2006
Posts: 18,806
Anybody else familiar with Big Ang.....from Mob Wives and her own reality show?????


Mrs Mcghee or Peaches????????

Everytime I catch a glimpse of that hideous biotch I wanna hurl..........or a new thought,pizz in her closet.


Ron
hvega1986 Offline
#25 Posted:
Joined: 02-26-2010
Posts: 1,417
This guy is great. Why did he catch all the flak on his old threads?
Stinkdyr Offline
#26 Posted:
Joined: 06-16-2009
Posts: 9,933
Now, I am not saying I have inside knowledge here or anything..........but I am pretty dang sure Magwitch is actually P.J. O'Rourke in real life.

Herfing
TrishS@CigarBid Offline
#27 Posted:
Joined: 06-13-2001
Posts: 3,172
note to self -

Let no one from cbid in the closet.....
DaQueenBeez Offline
#28 Posted:
Joined: 01-26-2007
Posts: 20,762
TrishS@CigarBid wrote:
note to self -

Let no one from cbid in the closet.....




Prolly oughta make sure they're all OUT of the closet, first...Think
dubleuhb Offline
#29 Posted:
Joined: 03-20-2011
Posts: 11,350
DaQueenBeez wrote:
Prolly oughtn't a make sure they're all OUT of the closet, first...Think

That may take some time.
whizzy1 Offline
#30 Posted:
Joined: 02-14-2007
Posts: 3,256
this shiz cracks me up...more more!!!
jimbud Offline
#31 Posted:
Joined: 12-18-2009
Posts: 3,943
He has had a few of these deleted by the moderators. There was the Appleby's post and there was one up briefly about a girl's cross country team and a trip to Home Depot.
JadeRose Offline
#32 Posted:
Joined: 05-15-2008
Posts: 17,891
Magwitch wrote:
He was a poor excuse for a woman but was skilled at his craft and got you where you wanted to go. Magwitch





This might be the single greatest sentence in the history of CBID.
sd72 Offline
#33 Posted:
Joined: 03-09-2011
Posts: 9,600
Top em all. I'm on a phone, or I would.
JadeRose Offline
#34 Posted:
Joined: 05-15-2008
Posts: 17,891
Top my favorite Mag story
crgcpro Offline
#35 Posted:
Joined: 04-27-2012
Posts: 7,811
Hold on I got to go get a Tat Westie and 4 more fingers of Baker's and I'll be back to re-read this one. Did anyone save the one that got deleted? Maybe we could sneak a copy and paste in here lol!

Pro
crgcpro Offline
#36 Posted:
Joined: 04-27-2012
Posts: 7,811
That one is hilarious!

Taps86 Offline
#37 Posted:
Joined: 03-03-2013
Posts: 4,691
Magwitch wrote:
My cub scout den mother was a domineering, mole-faced beast of a hag named Mrs. Mcghee. Early 50s, matronly, and always stuffed sausage-like into a pair of nylon slacks. Wednesdays after school I'd go to her house with my fellow cubs. Punch and cookies first, then play time in the basement, followed by some hideous crafts project. Everything was regimented. How we drank our punch, ate our cookies, and made our crappy crafts. It was all under the strict control of that corpulent witch. She'd even hover over me as I played Rock'em Sock'em Robots with my buddy Richie. "Don't push the buttons too hard," she'd hiss. Arguments or even the mildest of boyhood insults were not tolerated. After trouncing Ritchie at a game of Risk I couldn't resist calling him an idiot while doing a victory dance. The beast was on me in an instant. She grabbed me by the collar and screamed "Is this how your mother raised you?" After that incident she was marked. While I wasn't crazy about my mother, I wasn't about to tolerate this ugly sow dissing her. The gears were turning. I would quit cub scouts--that was obvious. I just had to come up with a parting gift for Mrs. Mcghee. At 9 I was already a devious and malicious imp. After thinking about it for a few days, I scripted out my vengeance. The following Wednesday I went to her house as usual. I hit the punch extra hard that day and went to playtime as usual. When you needed to go to the bathroom at Mrs. Mcghee's you had to ask permission. Only one kid could go at a time and you had to go upstairs as there was no bathroom in the basement. Although I had to go, I held it through playtime and over halfway through crafts. Finally, when I started wincing at the fullness of my bladder I asked Mrs. Mcghee if I could use the bathroom. With a dismissive wave she told me to go up. I bypassed the bathroom and went right to her hall closet where I let loose a seemingly endless stream. I soaked boots, shoes, coats and umbrellas. It was deeply satisfying. After giving the toilet a flush I went back downstairs with my poker face. Everything went smoothly and my mother picked me up as usual. I'd only been home for an hour when the phone rang. Mrs. Mcghee was enraged. We all used the bathroom so there was no way she could finger me. Besides, although I was only 70 pounds, at 9 years old I was already a heavyweight champion liar. I played the incredulous shock card when my mother told me what happened. She bought it.

I had forgotten about Mrs. Mcghee until 12 years later when I met a tranny named Peaches (whose real name was Ray) while doing a stretch at Marion Correctional. Peaches, who'd do pretty much anything for a pack of Newports, bore a startling resemblance to Mrs. Mcghee. He was a poor excuse for a woman but was skilled at his craft and got you where you wanted to go.

I was reminded of Mrs. Mcghee today after reading TrishS's post. I have no desire to ever meet TrishS but if I ever found myself in her hall closet I'd make the most of it.

Warm regards,
Magwitch




Holy SH1T!!!


crgcpro Offline
#38 Posted:
Joined: 04-27-2012
Posts: 7,811
Magwich is a legend around here Taps. He finally got the axe after his last one got deleted. I'm still waiting on someone to re-post it.

Someone top Cooper at Applebee's as well.
KingoftheCove Offline
#39 Posted:
Joined: 10-08-2011
Posts: 5,929
My fav Magwich is the one where he has to go to the boring neighbors party with his old lady, and he's sucking down cough syrup before he goes, scores and then downs a bunch of pills in neighbors bathroom, bangs the ol lady when he gets home, then smokes a cigar in the dark while sniffing the neighbor's hot daughter's panties that he stole out of their hamper.......priceless!
triodes Offline
#40 Posted:
Joined: 06-02-2013
Posts: 565
bwahahahahh.

oh, just did a a search on Magwitch's posts.

hilarious.
frankj1 Offline
#41 Posted:
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 32,033
I heard Magwitch is really Pedro's Lawn Service...
Taps86 Offline
#42 Posted:
Joined: 03-03-2013
Posts: 4,691
LMFAO
sd72 Offline
#43 Posted:
Joined: 03-09-2011
Posts: 9,600
Haven't you smoked with magwitch, frankj1??
sd72 Offline
#44 Posted:
Joined: 03-09-2011
Posts: 9,600
And the biker one was good too.
jimbud Offline
#45 Posted:
Joined: 12-18-2009
Posts: 3,943
Good post.
sd72 Offline
#46 Posted:
Joined: 03-09-2011
Posts: 9,600
No, jimbud is magwitches smoking bud. My bad.
frankj1 Offline
#47 Posted:
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 32,033
sd72 wrote:
No, jimbud is magwitches smoking bud. My bad.

understandable mistake, apology accepted. People often confuse me with successful attorneys from Connecticut.
hey, Jimbud is back!
engletl Offline
#48 Posted:
Joined: 12-26-2000
Posts: 26,340
sd72 wrote:
And the biker one was good too.


That one is my favorite of the magwitch stories
ZRX1200 Online
#49 Posted:
Joined: 07-08-2007
Posts: 51,043
The biker story was fabulous.

Home depot as well.

I should have been nicer.
TrishS@CigarBid Offline
#50 Posted:
Joined: 06-13-2001
Posts: 3,172
crgcpro wrote:
Hold on I got to go get a Tat Westie and 4 more fingers of Baker's and I'll be back to re-read this one. Did anyone save the one that got deleted? Maybe we could sneak a copy and paste in here lol!

Pro



The one that got deleted was his spewing about how unsightly the CigarBid Customer Service ladies are. That's why it was deleted. These ladies work very hard to fix your issues. For him to unload with his brand of 'humor' was unacceptable.
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