America's #1 Online Cigar Auction
first, best, biggest!

Last post 6 years ago by Gene363. 7 replies replies.
A few Thursday funnies
Buckwheat Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 04-15-2004
Posts: 12,251
I got cut off by a taxi driver last week.

Today, I was walking through town and I saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank. So I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?" "$5" said the driver. "And how much for a **** ?" I asked him. "That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab"

I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station ?".
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a **** ?" I asked him.
"I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab"

I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until I came to my target at the back of the queue. "How much to the station ?". "$5" said the driver.
"Ok" I said "Let's go"

As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face.



Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."

When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10 hour flight."

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: “If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.”


It's the 30's and Paddy and Mick came to America. They couldn't find work in NYC, so someone told them "the mines in WV are hiring". Alas, they were farmers by trade and had no mining experience, so the mine manager told them that the sawmill was hiring, and it was. When they got there the boss hired them, and told Paddy to go over the hill and shovel sawdust out of the way, and he showed Mick how to run the saw. The boss left, and within a few minutes Paddy heard Mick screaming bloody murder. He ran up to the saw and and saw Mick holding his hand and the blood was streaming off it, still screaming "and now me thumb's gone, the whole bloody thumb!". Paddy said "now calm down Mick, you'll be right as rain after I get my kerchief tied tight around it. How the hell did you cut off yer thumb anyway?" Mick said "I just touched the big round spinnin' thing right h... Sweet Laird Jaysus, there went the other one!"

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said. "Just name it," said God. "It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel." Beer
Speyside Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
Like!
Hank_The_Tank Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 11-15-2016
Posts: 3,677
Nice! ha
jjanecka Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 12-08-2015
Posts: 4,334
I hate those M&M wrappers too! 😢
Burner02 Offline
#5 Posted:
Joined: 12-21-2010
Posts: 12,861
Herfing
Hillbillyjosh770 Offline
#6 Posted:
Joined: 02-09-2014
Posts: 2,999
40 meals left! Bhaaahaha!Applause
Gene363 Online
#7 Posted:
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,680
jester
Users browsing this topic
Guest