A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”
“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless woman replied.
“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.
“No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”
“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.
“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done In 20 years!”
“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.”
The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”
The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.”
Two teenage girls are at a Roman Catholic Church for confession. The first goes in, comes out and then begins to wash her hands in the holy water. The second asks her, what she is doing. She proceeded to tell her friend that she confessed that she jerked off her boyfriend and the priest has told her to wash her hands in the holy water as penance.
The second looks at her and says, don't get it too dirty, I am probably going to have to gargle with it. A hot young woman had just stepped into the show when inneviably the doorbell rang. She stepped out of the shower and shouted
"who is it?"
"Blind man" was the reply
She grabbed a towel and proceeded out, and thought about it for a second, he's a blind man, he can't see anyway, and dropped the towel.
She opens the door, the man looks her up and down and says
"Nice t!ts, now where do you want your blinds?"
