Today is my 26th wedding anniversary.
A bit more than a year ago, my wife and I had reached a very low point in our marriage. As we were working through stuff, I found myself with time on my hands. And, by coincidence, my orbit happened to intersect with a BOTL.
He introduced me to the amazingness of just sitting and being while having a cigar. (I had no clue what a good cigar was at that time. You all helped me on my journey of figuring that part out.)
It turned out that a good part of my contribution to our marital low point was my inability to "turn off" after coming home from work. I am very work/profession/career focused. It is just how I am wired. And when I remained focused on work after I came home for the evening, I was not present. I had lost connection. Stuff built up over the years and we reached a critical point.
So as we worked through our stuff, and as I was exploring cigars, I discovered something magical. If I take an hour (plus or minus) a few days a week after work to enjoy a cigar on the front porch, I am able to unpack and unwind about work. By taking this time for myself, I found that I had the ability to become more present in my marriage. Funny how that works.
So here we are, more than a year later. I have a packed wineador and two tote-sized tupperdores that are nearing capacity. And we are happier now than we have ever been.
It is a guy thing to suck the nuts into the body cavity and just get to work. Get down to business. Focus, endure and not give up until the job is done. But for me, there was a price I was paying that it took a little crisis to discover.
I still go all @ssholes and elbows when it comes to work. But now I have the most amazing way to turn that off and be present when I am home.
Today is my 26th wedding anniversary. And I am incredibly grateful. Thanks, my friends.
