America's #1 Online Cigar Auction
first, best, biggest!

Last post 6 years ago by Hank_The_Tank. 4 replies replies.
Thursday Funnies
Buckwheat Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 04-15-2004
Posts: 12,251
An American tourist was driving through the South Island of New Zealand when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a sheep. Shocked, he kept on driving.

A few kilometers further on he came upon a small town, parked his car and went into the pub for a drink.

He grabbed a cold beer, sat at a table, and then took a look around the bar. He immediately noticed a one-legged guy sitting over at a corner table, masturbating without a care in the world.

The American tourist turned to the bartender and said, “What sort of country is this? A few kilometers back down the road there was this guy having sex with a sheep and now that guy in the corner is masturbating in full view of everyone.”

The bartender said, "You heartless ****. He's only got one leg. How do you expect him to catch a sheep?"




While riding my bike yesterday, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with my bike, I guess."




A blonde took her dress to the dry cleaners, and as she was leaving the store owner said "Come Again". No replied
the blonde, it's just ranch dressing this time.



Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them,"Do you mind if I join you?

My partner didn't show up.


""Sure," they said, "You're welcome.


"So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, “What do you do for a living?"

"I'm an assassin, a hit man," was the reply."


You're joking!" was the response.


"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight."Here are my tools."


"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.


"So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house."Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.""Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her..... He's naked, too!!!


"He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?""I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."


"Can you do two for me now?""Sure, what do you want?"


"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth."

"Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his ****** off to teach him a lesson.


"The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes."Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.


"Just be patient," said the hit man calmly,


"I think I can save you a grand here..."
paulkeck Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 02-24-2013
Posts: 2,686
Hahaha
Gene363 Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,669
LOL
Hank_The_Tank Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 11-15-2016
Posts: 3,677
Fantastic!
Users browsing this topic
Guest