America's #1 Online Cigar Auction
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Last post 5 years ago by RMAN4443. 46 replies replies.
Thought for the day
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Speyside Offline
#1 Posted: Thu, Jun 7 2018, 12:43 PM EST
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
Standing in a park I wondered why frisbees look larger as they get closer, then it hit me.
tailgater Offline
#2 Posted: Thu, Jun 7 2018, 1:36 PM EST
Joined: 06-01-2000
Posts: 26,185
I used to have some phobias about speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.
jespear Offline
#3 Posted: Thu, Jun 7 2018, 4:48 PM EST
Joined: 03-19-2004
Posts: 9,464
I was kissing my Honey, and her nose was runny.
She thinks it's funny, but it's not.
qmech Offline
#4 Posted: Thu, Jun 7 2018, 6:05 PM EST
Joined: 06-17-2016
Posts: 970
Random thoughts..
delta1 Offline
#5 Posted: Thu, Jun 7 2018, 6:57 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,778
hey...smell this....
frankj1 Offline
#6 Posted: Thu, Jun 7 2018, 9:35 PM EST
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 44,215
jespear wrote:
I was kissing my Honey, and her nose was runny.
She thinks it's funny, but it's Snot.

fify
jjanecka Offline
#7 Posted: Fri, Jun 8 2018, 1:41 AM EST
Joined: 12-08-2015
Posts: 4,334
People get mad because I ignore most speed bumps. Those damn dips and humps are what screw with me.
deadeyedick Offline
#8 Posted: Fri, Jun 8 2018, 7:56 AM EST
Joined: 03-13-2003
Posts: 17,075
Some guy broke into my house but all he took was my TV remote.

Now he just drives by and changes my channel. Sick bassturd!
DrafterX Offline
#9 Posted: Fri, Jun 8 2018, 9:58 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,536
Sh'tter's full.. Mellow
jespear Offline
#10 Posted: Fri, Jun 8 2018, 11:56 AM EST
Joined: 03-19-2004
Posts: 9,464
frankj1 wrote:
fify


No need to fix it, Frankie T.
The whole point was for people to figure it out for themselves. d'oh!

Here's another one they should be able to figure out, but I'll "fix it" so you don't get all bent outta shape. . . .

Seven days on a honeymoon makes a whole week. (hole weak)
RMAN4443 Offline
#11 Posted: Fri, Jun 8 2018, 4:50 PM EST
Joined: 09-29-2016
Posts: 7,683
jespear wrote:
No need to fix it, Frankie T.
The whole point was for people to figure it out for themselves. d'oh!

Here's another one they should be able to figure out, but I'll "fix it" so you don't get all bent outta shape. . . .

Seven days on a honeymoon makes a whole week. (hole weak)

Hmmmmmm,I would have thought a weeks worth would toughen it up...Think
delta1 Offline
#12 Posted: Fri, Jun 8 2018, 7:43 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,778
thought I heard that pickle juice can help it tighten up...Think
Speyside Offline
#13 Posted: Fri, Jun 8 2018, 8:27 PM EST
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
MojoFilter Offline
#14 Posted: Fri, Jun 8 2018, 10:39 PM EST
Joined: 07-11-2015
Posts: 124
“I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.”

― Steven Wright
frankj1 Offline
#15 Posted: Fri, Jun 8 2018, 11:04 PM EST
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 44,215
jespear wrote:
No need to fix it, Frankie T.
The whole point was for people to figure it out for themselves. d'oh!

Here's another one they should be able to figure out, but I'll "fix it" so you don't get all bent outta shape. . . .

Seven days on a honeymoon makes a whole week. (hole weak)

hope the weather is good for you Saturday
jespear Offline
#16 Posted: Sat, Jun 9 2018, 7:07 AM EST
Joined: 03-19-2004
Posts: 9,464
frankj1 wrote:
hope the weather is good for you Saturday


Rain rain
Don't soak my turf
Little johnny
wants to herf

All that's left to do is set up the tables and put out the ashtrays.
Oh yeah . . . I have to get a few "raffle prizes" together too.
frankj1 Offline
#17 Posted: Sat, Jun 9 2018, 11:57 AM EST
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 44,215
you serving your award winning fried spaghetti?
RMAN4443 Offline
#18 Posted: Sat, Jun 9 2018, 12:14 PM EST
Joined: 09-29-2016
Posts: 7,683
Where's the Taco's with all the fixin's freshly prepped and ready to build?Think Herfing
frankj1 Offline
#19 Posted: Sat, Jun 9 2018, 12:49 PM EST
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 44,215
RMAN4443 wrote:
Where's the Taco's with all the fixin's freshly prepped and ready to build?Think Herfing

um, isn't that your shtick?
RMAN4443 Offline
#20 Posted: Sat, Jun 9 2018, 12:54 PM EST
Joined: 09-29-2016
Posts: 7,683
True, but sometimes you gotta poke the bear...Anxious
Speyside Offline
#21 Posted: Sat, Jun 9 2018, 2:07 PM EST
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
What happens if you get half scared to death twice?
tailgater Offline
#22 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 11:56 AM EST
Joined: 06-01-2000
Posts: 26,185
Speyside wrote:
What happens if you get half scared to death twice?


You'd be 3/4 dead.
Speyside Offline
#23 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 1:50 PM EST
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
I'm writing a book. I have the page number done; now I just have to fill in the rest.
dstieger Offline
#24 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 2:30 PM EST
Joined: 06-22-2007
Posts: 10,889
One out of every four frogs is a leap frog
Mrs. dpnewell Offline
#25 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 3:31 PM EST
Joined: 08-23-2014
Posts: 1,373
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

David (dpnewell)
deadeyedick Offline
#26 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 7:11 PM EST
Joined: 03-13-2003
Posts: 17,075
Mrs. dpnewell wrote:
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

David (dpnewell)


I spit out my damn IPA Laugh
dkeage Offline
#27 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 7:16 PM EST
Joined: 03-05-2004
Posts: 15,149
deadeyedick wrote:
I spit out my damn IPA Laugh

I would too...Sick
Mrs. dpnewell Offline
#28 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 9:05 PM EST
Joined: 08-23-2014
Posts: 1,373
deadeyedick wrote:
I spit out my damn IPA Laugh


I really can't take credit. I read that somewhere, and nearly fell out of my chair.

David (dpnewell)
Speyside Offline
#29 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 9:10 PM EST
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
I thought this would be good for a chuckle or 2. The ones I have posted are some of my favorites I have found over the years.
Krazeehorse Offline
#30 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:08 PM EST
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
My wife was pencilling her eyebrows. I told her they were too high. She looked surprised.
Ewok126 Offline
#31 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:44 PM EST
Joined: 06-25-2017
Posts: 4,356
Krazeehorse wrote:
My wife was pencilling her eyebrows. I told her they were too high. She looked surprised.


God Dang it. Dr Pepper shot out my nose.... That chit hurts.
bs_kwaj Offline
#32 Posted: Mon, Jun 11 2018, 11:53 PM EST
Joined: 02-13-2006
Posts: 5,214

I thought I was wrong once... but I was wrong.

Beer
Speyside Offline
#33 Posted: Tue, Jun 12 2018, 4:48 PM EST
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
deadeyedick Offline
#34 Posted: Wed, Jun 13 2018, 7:18 AM EST
Joined: 03-13-2003
Posts: 17,075
My wife said I don't listen to her, or something like that.
tailgater Offline
#35 Posted: Wed, Jun 13 2018, 11:54 AM EST
Joined: 06-01-2000
Posts: 26,185
I could literally explode when people use words improperly.
Mrs. dpnewell Offline
#36 Posted: Wed, Jun 13 2018, 1:43 PM EST
Joined: 08-23-2014
Posts: 1,373
If I tell a women that she has a great body, would she hold it against me?


David
DrafterX Offline
#37 Posted: Wed, Jun 13 2018, 2:01 PM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,536
Reality is for peoples who can't handle drugs... Mellow
HuckFinn Offline
#38 Posted: Wed, Jun 13 2018, 2:44 PM EST
Joined: 07-10-2017
Posts: 2,044
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
tailgater Offline
#39 Posted: Wed, Jun 13 2018, 8:03 PM EST
Joined: 06-01-2000
Posts: 26,185
Because renting them would be too much like prostitution?
HuckFinn Offline
#40 Posted: Wed, Jun 13 2018, 8:47 PM EST
Joined: 07-10-2017
Posts: 2,044
tailgater wrote:
Because renting them would be too much like prostitution?


It had to be said.
Mrs. dpnewell Offline
#41 Posted: Wed, Jun 13 2018, 9:54 PM EST
Joined: 08-23-2014
Posts: 1,373
^^But wouldn't buying them be akin to slavery?

David (dpnewell)
tailgater Offline
#42 Posted: Thu, Jun 14 2018, 8:56 AM EST
Joined: 06-01-2000
Posts: 26,185
No.
Barbie is white.
deadeyedick Offline
#43 Posted: Thu, Jun 14 2018, 11:34 AM EST
Joined: 03-13-2003
Posts: 17,075
tailgater wrote:
No.
Barbie is white.



Get the new illegal Barbie with anchor babies. Collect the complete set. (Husband not included)
delta1 Offline
#44 Posted: Thu, Jun 14 2018, 12:25 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,778
take my wife...please
Speyside Offline
#45 Posted: Thu, Jun 14 2018, 1:08 PM EST
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
RMAN4443 Offline
#46 Posted: Sun, Jun 17 2018, 1:05 PM EST
Joined: 09-29-2016
Posts: 7,683
the early bird may get the worm... But the second mouse gets the cheese.
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