my mother was born in 1920, grew up with three families in the apartment all supported by her father, the guy with a job. bad times, bad memories, good times, great memories, insecurity seeds planted deep, extended family full of love....
She turned 100 9 days ago. been living alone with some help from me for 15 years, gave up driving a year ago, but she fell a few weeks ago, spent a lot of time in bed, developed pneumonia, lost a chunk of her mental acuity, so we brought in live-in health care people as she has always declined to move to assisted living.
had to cancel the party we had planned at a restaurant.
So now she finally agrees she would be better served by social stimulation...book clubs, dining companions, mah jongg, yelling at Trump on the TV set, etc.
Only problem is if she does go now, she would be mostly restricted to an unfamiliar "apartment" one-half the size of her current living room, she'd not get to meet new people with whom to talk about the last century, she'd have 3 meals a day brought to her room to eat alone, and no visitors until this crap is over. She'd be more isolated and lonely than at home. They are pretty much locked down at all facilities now, and that makes sense, and she gets that. But she'd decompensate quickly.
For now, at least she has the live in person every day, I can visit, take her out though no longer for meals or to shops/malls, she can walk the halls of her condo building, go down to get the mail.
It actually costs more to have the 24/7 live-in than assisted living with 3 meals, house keeping, laundry etc etc. so at some point there will be no choice. Life really isn't fair.
But I can't just drop her off and possibly never see her again. It's no one's fault. But she and the rest of the living members of The Greatest Generation didn't deserve how they came in, and now how they go out.
She's staying home until it's safe to go somewhere where she will be safe. We're voting stay home until the virus threat is over, and it sucks.
