APOLOGY TO THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA
It is with deep regret, hesitation, and contrition that I, The President
of the United States of America, offer apology to the Chinese
nation and its peoples.
I apologize for the heinous act performed by our large, sluggish, propeller
driven, airplane when it got in the way of your
highly maneuverable, supersonic, technologically
superior, jet aircraft.
Furthermore, I sincerely regret the fact that by flying in international
airspace, we afforded your "highly competent" pilot the opportunity
to fly his aircraft into our own, causing him to
spiral to his death into the ocean. We regret the choice made by said pilot
when he used deficient judgment in electing to attempt aerial intimidation
upon our slower moving, unarmed, surveillance vehicle.
This situation brings to mind a similar episode when I was in grade
school and my face got in the way of the school yard bully's fist.
He broke a bone in his hand and I felt as compelled to
apologize for that incident as I do for this one.
Let me summarize by stating that it is our sincere hope that you accept
this "heart felt" and "sincere" apology for the actions committed
by your pilot.
We are sorry that we got in the way. We are sorry that we were forced to
leave international airspace and land in Chinese territory. We
are sorry that you were forced to provide food and
housing for our military personnel.
Most of all, we are sorry that you have, in your possession, some of our
most technologically advanced surveillance equipment on the planet. I hope
that you can find it in your heart to forgive us. I hope that soon you
will be compelled to release our men and our property. because I really
don't want to have to apologize again when we have to KICK YOUR ASS.
Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President of the United States