America's #1 Online Cigar Auction
first, best, biggest!

Last post 5 years ago by LetsRock. 7 replies replies.
Thursday funnies.
Buckwheat Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 04-15-2004
Posts: 12,251
Robin: "Batman, the Batmobile won't start."

Batman: "Okay, check the battery."

Robin: "What is a "tery"?"


One morning Dan told his wife that he was going to play golf. She told him that it was fine, but he needed to fix the leak in the kitchen sink first.

Dan pointed to his forehead and said, “Do I have plumber written on my forehead?”

He went on to play golf.

The next day Dan told his wife he was going to play golf and she told him that it was fine, but first he needed to fix the ceiling fan.

Dan pointed to his forehead and said, ” Do I have electrician written on my forehead?”

He went on to play golf.

When he returned, the leak was fixed and the fan was working. Dan asked his wife who did the repairs and she told him the next-door neighbor came over and fixed both.

Dan asked how much he charged and the wife said, “He told me I could sleep with him or bake him a cake.”

Dan asked, “Did he like the cake?”

His wife responded, “Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead?”


My parents have admitted to me that the night I was conceived they were both really drunk on weak Aussie beer. It's never nice finding out you're a Fosters child!

A psychology professor starts his lecture by telling the students: "Today we'll learn about the three stages of human emotion: surprise, irritation, and rage."

With that, he takes his phone out of his pocket, puts it on speaker, and dials a random number.

"Hello, may I please speak to Dave?" says the professor when the other person answers.

"No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number" says the person on the other end.

"You see that students, that's surprise. Now allow me to show you what irritation sounds like."

He picks up the phone again, and dials the same number. When it answers, the professor asks.

"Hi, can Dave come to the phone?"

"I told you you have the wrong number"

"That's irritation, my friends" says the professor. "Now, let's look at what rage looks like"

He picks up the phone and dials the number again. When it answers he asks.

"Is Dave available?"

"LISTEN, YOU FN DIP CHIT. IF YOU CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN, I'LL COME OVER, BREAK THAT PHONE IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSS. AND IF IT DOESN'T FIT, I'LL PUSH IT IN WITH MY C0CK!!!!!!"

"And that's rage."

"Professor, you forgot the fourth stage," says a young man in the front rows.

"And what might that be?" asks the professor.

"It's called the stage of total confusion. Allow me to demonstrate" He comes up to the podium, takes the professor's phone and dials the same number.

"Hello, this is Dave, has somebody called me today?"

Beer
Gene363 Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,669
LOL
DrafterX Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,508
Dave's not here man... Mellow
RMAN4443 Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 09-29-2016
Posts: 7,683
DrafterX wrote:
Dave's not here man... Mellow

I wasn't looking at his face man....Anxious
HuckFinn Offline
#5 Posted:
Joined: 07-10-2017
Posts: 2,044
Good stuff Buckwheat.

delta1 Offline
#6 Posted:
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,754
Applause Applause Applause
LetsRock Offline
#7 Posted:
Joined: 01-23-2012
Posts: 4,595
The Batman one is great. They all are.
Users browsing this topic
Guest