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Last post 5 years ago by Krazeehorse. 7 replies replies.
Some bad jokes
Buckwheat Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 04-15-2004
Posts: 12,251
A therapist set a half glass of bourbon in front of a patient and asked him if he was an optimist
or a pessimist...

He drank it and answered, "Neither. I'm a problem solver."


There's no better feeling than laying next to the person you love and they don't know you love
them or that you're in their house again.


A woman is sitting at her deceased husband's funeral. A man leans to her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?"
"No, go right ahead" the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says "Plethora", and sits back down.

"Thanks", the woman says, "That means a lot."


I saw a crippled and disfigured man and I yelled, "Hey Igor!"
He said, "How did you know my name?"
I said, "A hunch."

Beer
Gene363 Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,685
"Plethora" indeed. Beer

LOL
Krazeehorse Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
corey sellers Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 08-21-2011
Posts: 10,339
Applause
Lmao that's a good one
delta1 Offline
#5 Posted:
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,755
run Billy...
marc palanzo Offline
#6 Posted:
Joined: 02-06-2006
Posts: 2,786
I hacked Forrest Gump's computer.


His password is 1forrest1.
Krazeehorse Offline
#7 Posted:
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
A friend told me he was getting it on with his girlfriend AND her twin. I asked him how he told them apart. He said it's easy, her brother has a mustache.
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