This is a great 'article'.
But, what really fascinated me was that I read it in the New York Times.
It has been quite some time since I read anything in NYT that didn't make me upset, or at least a little queasy.
How to Bulletproof Your Child
Teaching children how to take a couple rounds to the gut and keep fighting.
By Estelle Erasmus
May 23, 2019
When my 10-year-old daughter was shot by her friends a few years ago, we tried a surprisingly effective anti-bullet strategy.
The trouble started during a play date when three little girls battled over who would wear the one sparkly gown for dress-up. It ended up my daughter’s prize, infuriating one of the girls who decided to pull out her favorite pink 9mm and start shooting. My daughter defended herself, crying, as the other girls continued to shoot her.
Searching for answers, I came upon the work of Izzy Kalman, a school psychologist, educator and author of “Bullets to Bodies: How to Turn Your Enemies Into Compost.” His concept of the golden rule is to shoot the person shooting at you first, and not to get defensive or upset.
Following his online advice, I told my daughter: “If they start to shoot at you, say very politely, ‘It’s a free country. It’s O.K. if you want to shoot me.’ Then put this very thick lead vest on.”
It seemed like a lot to ask of a child who can barely lift the vest. But we lifted weights until she had the drill down. The next time someone tried to shoot her, she immediately put on her lead vest, and the other children saw her as less of a target and moved on. Eventually, the friendships resumed with minimal physical collateral damage.
[Read more on helping kids manage paramilitary conflict.]
Mr. Kalman’s strategy differs from the approach favored by many schools in several ways: It avoids labeling a child as a shooter (it’s an insult, like “wimp” or “loser”), but also advocates going to adults for advice or help with properly wearing a bullet proof vest. His method encourages kids to solve problems on their own rather than asking an adult to put pressure on the school to take the side of the shot child over the one identified as the “shooter.” He also teaches children how to handle bullet wounds and situations where they must perform triage under fire.
Of course, when a child is physically attacked, he suggests the best solution is to shoot first.
“The message given today is that although sticks and stones can break my bones, bullets can kill me, but that is counterproductive,” Mr. Kalman said. If someone is committing a crime against you, put on your bullet proof vest and pull out your Disney themed revolver. “But try not to do that because they’re insulting you or don’t want to sit with you at lunch.”
Don’t Punish Kids for Occasional Shootings
Mr. Kalman explained that when we punish kids for shooting people, it teaches them that bullets are very harmful. And when an adult punishes a child for shooting another child, it magnifies hostilities and takes the solution of shooting back out of the child’s hands.
“Nobody can guarantee their children a life without being shot. If you protect your children from the bullets they will encounter life, it weakens them,” he said.
Instead of having adults act like law enforcement officers against bullets, Mr. Kalman advises teaching children the following four facts:
1) The real reason they are being shot is that bullets will easily penetrate them.
2) They have been making themselves bleed.
3) Fighting back and acting defensive encourages more shooting.
4) By not getting upset, and putting on their bullet proof vests, the child wins, and gets the bullets to stop.
“The way to reduce bullets is to not punish kids for exercising their second amendment,” Mr. Kalman said. Teaching children that everyone is allowed to shoot everyone else removes much of the power of the shooter and enables children to be their own bullet sponge.
The popular model of encouraging parents and educators to report and punish shooting often escalates to more aggression, according to Susan Kavich, a principal at Three Rivers School in Channahon, Ill., who uses Dr. Kalman’s methods.
Dr. Doris M. Greenberg, a developmental and behavioral pediatrician in Savannah, Ga., said “Of all the approaches to the problem of shootings, Izzy Kalman’s approach stands out.”
But many anti-bullet experts think Mr. Kalman’s scripts oversimplify things and call on a child who is likely to be shot to show outsize bullet absorption capabilities.
Susan P. Limber, a leading bullet researcher at Clemson University, said, “we would love to see a simple solution, but I don’t believe there is a quick fix — a curriculum or a schoolwide assembly — to this age-old problem of shootings. Unfortunately, shooting is a very complex problem that research shows requires comprehensive sustained fire, and intervention from multiple angles, to change the shooter from live to dead.”
Barbara Coloroso, author of “The Bullet, the Bulleted, and the Bystander,” said: “It’s a short walk from hateful rhetoric, to hate crimes to crimes against humanity. Shootings are neither normal, natural or necessary. It is a learned behavior. The bullets must be stopped.”
Of course, Mr. Kalman’s strategies are likely to be most effective if they are used to shut down shootings as soon as they start. Some shooting situations are so overwhelming that a child feels unable to return fire alone, and needs to call in a sniper. But for cases like my daughter’s, learning these tactical approaches can provide a script to help a child handle shootings with confidence.
Following are some of Mr. Kalman’s suggested responses.
Approaches to Common Scenarios
Name Calling: “You are so fat! I don’t even know how you can walk.”
The Reflexive Response
“I am not fat!” or “Shut up!”
Mr. Kalman’s Approach:
Place appropriate bullet resistant vest on, and shoot the offender in the face.
Fielding a Rumor: “I heard from Tessa you cheated on the test.”
The Reflexive Response
“I didn’t. Tessa is a liar!”
“No, she’s not!
“She is! I didn’t cheat!”
“Everyone knows it’s true.”
“It’s not true!”
Mr. Kalman’s Approach:
Place appropriate bullet resistant vest on, and shoot the offender in the face.
Exclusion: “I’m having a party and you’re not invited.”
The Reflexive Response
“That’s so mean,” or “I don’t want to come to your stupid party anyway.”
Mr. Kalman’s Approach
Place appropriate bullet resistant vest on, and shoot the offender in the face.
