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Thursday Funnies
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Buckwheat Offline
#1 Posted: Thu, Oct 24 2019, 7:32 AM EST
Joined: 04-15-2004
Posts: 12,251
If smoking marijuana causes short term memory loss, what does smoking marijuana do?

So this panda walks into a bar and orders a nice meal. When the waiter comes to fill his water glass the panda pulls a gun and shoots him. The head chef comes out of the kitchen and asks the panda why he did that. The panda simply says "Because I am a Panda." And then he leaves. So the chef googles pandas and google says that pandas "eats, shoots, and leaves."

People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.

A G, B-flat, and a D walk into a bar and sit down.
Bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."

Not the best this week but it's all I've got. Beer
USNGunner Offline
#2 Posted: Thu, Oct 24 2019, 7:59 AM EST
Joined: 05-17-2019
Posts: 4,402
Buckwheat wrote:
So this panda walks into a bar and orders a nice meal. When the waiter comes to fill his water glass the panda pulls a gun and shoots him. The head chef comes out of the kitchen and asks the panda why he did that. The panda simply says "Because I am a Panda." And then he leaves. So the chef googles pandas and google says that pandas "eats, shoots, and leaves."



If you're an English Language nerd, there is a very entertaining book "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves" based off of this very joke. I bought it at an airport and read it bouncing around on airplanes. Pretty good book. BigGrin
DrafterX Offline
#3 Posted: Thu, Oct 24 2019, 10:36 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,535
Screw tha pandas... Not talking
MACS Offline
#4 Posted: Thu, Oct 24 2019, 11:24 AM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,747
DrafterX wrote:
Screw tha pandas... Not talking


Freak.
USNGunner Offline
#5 Posted: Thu, Oct 24 2019, 12:30 PM EST
Joined: 05-17-2019
Posts: 4,402
Damn, wrong forum! d'oh!
delta1 Offline
#6 Posted: Thu, Oct 24 2019, 12:30 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,778
Applause
Gene363 Online
#7 Posted: Thu, Oct 24 2019, 2:55 PM EST
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,799
Not bad, one was electrifying. ThumpUp
8trackdisco Offline
#8 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 5:44 AM EST
Joined: 11-06-2004
Posts: 60,074
Can't hit home runs every time.
frankj1 Offline
#9 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 7:57 AM EST
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 44,215
Julian, if I like your jokes, does that make you really old?
MACS Offline
#10 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 8:02 AM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,747
Some people are like Slinkies… not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Buckwheat Offline
#11 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 8:04 AM EST
Joined: 04-15-2004
Posts: 12,251
frankj1 wrote:
Julian, if I like your jokes, does that make you really old?


It's not the years. It's the mileage. fog
They're not my jokes. My brother sends them out to me and a few other guys every Thursday. I think he gets them from his motorcycle racing forum. Generally, they are better than these. Beer
frankj1 Offline
#12 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 8:07 AM EST
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 44,215
well, I chuckled at 'em
Krazeehorse Offline
#13 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 10:19 AM EST
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
A blond drops a dress off at the dry cleaners. As she's leaving the clerk says "come again!" The blond replies " no, it's toothpaste this time."
jespear Offline
#14 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 1:29 PM EST
Joined: 03-19-2004
Posts: 9,464
An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered,
"Is that one word or two?"
izonfire Offline
#15 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 4:19 PM EST
Joined: 12-09-2013
Posts: 8,644
#13 knocks it out of the park!

Thanks Krazee
delta1 Offline
#16 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 4:25 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,778
yah...it got a squirt outta me...


and #14...there's a lot of that going around...
delta1 Offline
#17 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 4:25 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,778
yah...it got a squirt outta me...


and #14...there's a lot of that going around...
frankj1 Offline
#18 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 5:55 PM EST
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 44,215
come again,Al?
izonfire Offline
#19 Posted: Fri, Oct 25 2019, 6:29 PM EST
Joined: 12-09-2013
Posts: 8,644
frankj1 wrote:
come again,Al?

You requesting???
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