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Last post 3 years ago by Krazeehorse. 15 replies replies.
Wednesday joke thread
Krazeehorse Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, she distracted the men in the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.
They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & told her to mash up some green persimmons & rub them on her nipples and all over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up & you won't be able to talk properly for a while.
The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning, the minister walked up to the pulpit and said,
“Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday.
Buckwheat Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 04-15-2004
Posts: 12,251
Applause
Gene363 Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,660
ThumpUp ThumpUp
Gene363 Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,660
A man is getting busy with a married woman when they hear the front door opening. She is scared to death and says, “He will kill you!” They jump out of the bed and throw on their clothing. She shoves him in a closet and goes to greet her husband.

As the man stands in the dark closet waiting for the coast to clear for his getaway he hears a small voice say, It’s dark in here, I’m scared and I want out.
The man shushes the kid, but again the same voice says, “It’s dark in here, I’m scared and I want out!”
Desperate, the man says, “Keep quiet and I’ll give you one hundred dollars.”
The little voice says, “OK”.
He hands the boy a $100 bill.
Soon the cost is clear and the man makes his getaway.

The following day the boy and his Father are in the local Walmart when the boy sees a bicycle he wants and says to his Father I’m going to buy that bike with this $100 bill.
Suspecting shenanigans, the Father asks his son where he got the money.
The son says it’s a secret, I cannot tell.
The Father responds, fine, then we’ll go to the church.

At the church the Father explains his concern to the Priest who enters his side of the confessional.
The Father puts his son in the other side of the confessional.
The Priest slides open the divider and hears a small voice say, “It’s dark in here, I’m scared and I want out.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that crap again!”
delta1 Offline
#5 Posted:
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,753
Father, forgive them...


Angel
Buckwheat Offline
#6 Posted:
Joined: 04-15-2004
Posts: 12,251
And some more for Thursday!

Woman: "Welcome to my she shed."
Gynecologist: "I wish you'd stop calling it that."

The Pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible motorcycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the Doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or our children," she went on "and every move caused him horrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out that they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now", she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The Pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said " I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."


I know a girl who got a tattoo of a conch shell on her belly,
If you put your ear to it, you can smell the Ocean!


Everyone have a safe and healthy weekend! fog
Gene363 Offline
#7 Posted:
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 30,660
Applause Applause Applause
Krazeehorse Offline
#8 Posted:
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
Applause
tailgater Offline
#9 Posted:
Joined: 06-01-2000
Posts: 26,185
My sternum itches.
delta1 Offline
#10 Posted:
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,753
give it a few squeezes...
Smooth light Offline
#11 Posted:
Joined: 06-26-2020
Posts: 3,598
The the nurses in the dorm had dates for Saturday night they asked the new girl who she got she said his name was shorty all the nurses laughed you ain't getting none that's why he's got that name they all went out and came back early except the nurse the dated shorty they waited till 12:00 then one then two then three about 3:45 she came in her clothes were all puffled and she looked exhausted and they asked what happened and she told him it might stay shorty when it's soft but when it's hard it says SHORTY'S BAR AND GRILL CHATTANOOGA TENNESSEE
Krazeehorse Offline
#12 Posted:
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
Smooth light Offline
#13 Posted:
Joined: 06-26-2020
Posts: 3,598
Was the lady name Monica?
Krazeehorse Offline
#14 Posted:
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
Joe Biden walks into a bar and sees a pretty, young blonde chick.
He sits down next to her and says "So, do I come here often?"
Krazeehorse Offline
#15 Posted:
Joined: 04-09-2010
Posts: 1,958
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.

I said, wow, that’s an amazing car!

He replied, if you work hard, put all your hours in and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year.
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