If you are ever caught sleeping on the job, raise your head and say "In Jesus name, Amen!"
Before 2020, we were pretty wild! Remember how we all used to eat cake after someone blew out the candles! Crazy times!!
Attention! Don't wear headphones while vacuuming! I just finished the whole house and realized the vacuum wasn't even plugged in!
Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows!
Pro Cooking tip!
If you stir coconut oil into your kale, it makes it easier to scrape it into the trash!
Brain cells, hair cells and skin cells- they all die constantly, but freaking fat cells seem to have eternal life.
And now this for our golfer friends...
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt", the golfer mumbles to himself.
Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up a quarter of your sex life to sink the putt?"
Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says, "Sounds good to me," and promptly sinks the putt!
Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gosh, I wish I could get an eagle on this one."
The same stranger is suddenly at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another quarter of your sex life to make an eagle?"
Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And, amazingly, he makes the eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?"
"Definitely," the golfer replies, and sure enough he makes the eagle and wins the match.
As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks along beside him and says, "I haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm Satan, and from this day forward you really will have no sex life at all."
"Nice to meet you," the golfer replies. "I'm Father O'Malley."
