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Funniest Movie Lines
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Palama Online
#1 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 3:53 PM EST
Joined: 02-05-2013
Posts: 23,680
I’m re-watching the 1967 version of “Casino Royale” and Woody Allen has some great lines:

“Listen, you can’t shoot me. I have a very low threshold of death. My doctor said I can’t have bullets enter my body at any time.”

So it got me wondering, in your opinion, what are the funniest movie lines ever spoken?
dkeage Offline
#2 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 4:02 PM EST
Joined: 03-05-2004
Posts: 15,151
I always liked this one...


Policeman in Arizona house : What did the pajamas look like? Nathan Arizona Sr. : I don't know - they were jammies! They had Yodas 'n' **** on 'em!
ZRX1200 Offline
#3 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 4:04 PM EST
Joined: 07-08-2007
Posts: 60,599
Man this is a long list….

Is this the new 5,000,000,000?
Stogie1020 Offline
#4 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 4:38 PM EST
Joined: 12-19-2019
Posts: 5,327
Wow, really anything from Airplane, Blazing Saddles, Spaceballs or History of the World Part I.
BuckyB93 Offline
#5 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 4:40 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,188
dkeage wrote:
I always liked this one...


Policeman in Arizona house : What did the pajamas look like? Nathan Arizona Sr. : I don't know - they were jammies! They had Yodas 'n' **** on 'em!


I totally forgot about this movie... might have to watch it again tonight.
BuckyB93 Offline
#6 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 4:44 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,188
The Big Leobowski also is ripe for the pickin's

From the intro

"And even if he's a lazy man - and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuGgVlozqCk
DrafterX Offline
#7 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 4:48 PM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,548
Stogie1020 wrote:
Wow, really anything from Airplane, Blazing Saddles, Spaceballs or History of the World Part I.



King you look like the piss boy... Mellow
BuckyB93 Offline
#8 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 4:50 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,188
Monty Python is rich territory too.

Blues Brothers, National Lampoon Vacation(s) plus some lesser known movies like Clerks and so forth... the list could on and on.

I'd find it nearly impossible to ID #1 of all time
BuckyB93 Offline
#9 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 4:54 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,188
NINE!
MACS Offline
#10 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 5:24 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,774
"The price is wrong, b*tch!"

"What? Friends can listen to 'Endless Love' in the dark."

"Marcellus Wallace doesn't like to be f**cked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace..."

"Oh. Oh, you sendin' the Wolf? Shiiiiit kneegrow! That's all you had to say!"
KingoftheCove Offline
#11 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 6:14 PM EST
Joined: 10-08-2011
Posts: 7,632
“Zat iz not ma dog”
corey sellers Offline
#12 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 6:31 PM EST
Joined: 08-21-2011
Posts: 10,363
You going to eat your cornbread
corey sellers Offline
#13 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 6:32 PM EST
Joined: 08-21-2011
Posts: 10,363
You ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight
corey sellers Offline
#14 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 6:33 PM EST
Joined: 08-21-2011
Posts: 10,363
Is that your goat ...
corey sellers Offline
#15 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 6:33 PM EST
Joined: 08-21-2011
Posts: 10,363
Nevermind that last one was not a movie
corey sellers Offline
#16 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 6:34 PM EST
Joined: 08-21-2011
Posts: 10,363
Haha
MACS Offline
#17 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 7:38 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,774
"You motorboatin' son of a bitch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house?"
BuckyB93 Offline
#18 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 7:49 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,188
It's kind of hard to pick out a one liner to stand on it's own. Many of them, in order to push it over from a really good one to one of the best, need some context of the scene and/or the movie.

"I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?"
BuckyB93 Offline
#19 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 7:49 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,188
Uno NINE!
Jakethesnake86 Online
#20 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 8:20 PM EST
Joined: 12-29-2020
Posts: 4,132
“ what does Marcellus Wallace look like?”
“What?”
8trackdisco Offline
#21 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 9:22 PM EST
Joined: 11-06-2004
Posts: 60,075
Stogie1020 wrote:
Wow, really anything from Airplane, Blazing Saddles, Spaceballs or History of the World Part I.


We are real close…. Airplane, Blazing Saddles, Caddyshack, History of the World.
Also add in Animal House.
Stogie1020 Offline
#22 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 10:46 PM EST
Joined: 12-19-2019
Posts: 5,327
8trackdisco wrote:
We are real close…. Airplane, Blazing Saddles, Caddyshack, History of the World.
Also add in Animal House.

Oooh, forgot Caddyshack!

Wait, also Vacation!

My wife just rolls her eyes when we go somewhere and it's closed, 'cause I am guaranteed going to say "Sorry folks, [insert destination] is closed. Moose out front should have told you."
BuckyB93 Offline
#23 Posted: Mon, Mar 13 2023, 10:58 PM EST
Joined: 07-16-2004
Posts: 14,188
Stogie1020 wrote:
Oooh, forgot Caddyshack!

Wait, also Vacation!

My wife just rolls her eyes when we go somewhere and it's closed, 'cause I am guaranteed going to say "Sorry folks, [insert destination] is closed. Moose out front should have told you."


Yep, National Lampoon Vacation(s) mentioned in post 8. The original was classic and the 2 follow ups (European Vacation, Christmas Vacation) were good too. After that, they were pretty weak.

Caddyshack... A close friend and former coworker can pretty much recite the lines of the entire movie
DrMaddVibe Offline
#24 Posted: Tue, Mar 14 2023, 3:46 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,424
"220...221...whatever it takes."
deadeyedick Offline
#25 Posted: Tue, Mar 14 2023, 7:46 AM EST
Joined: 03-13-2003
Posts: 17,087
"zee secret to a happy life is appyness in de hashol"

From Super Troopers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CromoC1APt0
Brewha Offline
#26 Posted: Tue, Mar 14 2023, 1:24 PM EST
Joined: 01-25-2010
Posts: 12,173

Witness : Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low. But he couldn't handle it.

Prosecutor : Buddy couldn't handle it? Was Buddy one of your crew?

Witness : Right. Buddy was the bombardier. But it was Striker who couldn't handle it, and he went to pieces.

Prosecutor : *Andy* went to pieces?

Witness : No. Andy was the navigator. He was all right. Buddy went to pieces. It was awful how he came unglued.

Prosecutor : *Howie* came unglued?

Witness : Oh, no. Howie was a rock, the best tailgunner in the outfit. Buddy came unglued.

Prosecutor : And he bailed out?

Witness : No. Andy hung tough. Buddy bailed out. How he survived, it was a miracle.

Prosecutor : Then Howie survived?

Witness : No, 'fraid not. We lost Howie the next day.

Prosecutor : Over Macho Grande?

Witness : No. I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande.
Sunoverbeach Offline
#27 Posted: Tue, Mar 14 2023, 1:52 PM EST
Joined: 08-11-2017
Posts: 14,665
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room!
Whistlebritches Offline
#28 Posted: Tue, Mar 14 2023, 8:51 PM EST
Joined: 04-23-2006
Posts: 22,128
"Dave's not here Man"

"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"
Cheno Offline
#29 Posted: Tue, Mar 14 2023, 9:20 PM EST
Joined: 06-06-2019
Posts: 1,978
One of my favorite scenes trying to figure out how deep the water is.

https://youtu.be/sFStEG-1hhw
DrMaddVibe Offline
#30 Posted: Wed, Mar 15 2023, 6:29 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,424
"I want my two dollars!"
MACS Offline
#31 Posted: Wed, Mar 15 2023, 6:55 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,774
"I almost nunchucked you; you don't even realize!"
dkeage Offline
#32 Posted: Wed, Mar 15 2023, 7:13 PM EST
Joined: 03-05-2004
Posts: 15,151
DrMaddVibe wrote:
"I want my two dollars!"

Classic
DrMaddVibe Offline
#33 Posted: Wed, Mar 15 2023, 7:20 PM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,424
“You’re still here? It’s over.”
8trackdisco Offline
#34 Posted: Wed, Mar 15 2023, 7:44 PM EST
Joined: 11-06-2004
Posts: 60,075
Male Student: (shouting in a club) What's your major?!
Female Student: (shouting back) Primitive cultures!
Otis Day: (singing) bu-bu-bu-bup who mow mow, Oh OH oh oh!
DrMaddVibe Offline
#35 Posted: Thu, Mar 16 2023, 7:39 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,424
"Does Anybody knock anymore?"
MACS Offline
#36 Posted: Thu, Mar 16 2023, 9:37 AM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,774
"It's the first quarter of the big game and you wanna toss up a hail mary? I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula!"
MACS Offline
#37 Posted: Fri, Mar 17 2023, 3:08 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,774
WHAT!?
Did we just become best friends?
YUP!
You wanna go to the garage and practice Karate?
YUP!
MACS Offline
#38 Posted: Fri, Mar 17 2023, 3:11 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,774
I’m going upstairs… ’cause I’m gonna put my nutsack, on your drumset! Okay?

If you do that – I’m warning you, right now! If you touch my drums, I will stab you, in the neck, with a knife!
MACS Offline
#39 Posted: Fri, Mar 17 2023, 3:13 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,774
Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, ” Oh, my God, I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf,” and she grabs me by the weiner.
DrMaddVibe Offline
#40 Posted: Fri, Mar 17 2023, 5:31 PM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,424
The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, d*ckheads--they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
HockeyDad Offline
#41 Posted: Fri, Mar 17 2023, 6:46 PM EST
Joined: 09-20-2000
Posts: 46,130
We invented democracy, existentialism and the bl ow job.
MACS Offline
#42 Posted: Fri, Mar 17 2023, 7:35 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,774
Level with me, Sporto... did ya slip her the hot, beef injection?
MACS Offline
#43 Posted: Fri, Mar 17 2023, 7:35 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,774
If he gets up... We'll all get up... it'll be anarchy!!
tailgater Offline
#44 Posted: Wed, Mar 22 2023, 8:22 PM EST
Joined: 06-01-2000
Posts: 26,185
Stogie1020 wrote:
Oooh, forgot Caddyshack!

Wait, also Vacation!

My wife just rolls her eyes when we go somewhere and it's closed, 'cause I am guaranteed going to say "Sorry folks, [insert destination] is closed. Moose out front should have told you."


I'm always disappointed if the person I'm saying this to doesn't get the reference.
DrMaddVibe Offline
#45 Posted: Thu, Mar 23 2023, 6:10 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,424
“I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?”
DrMaddVibe Offline
#46 Posted: Fri, Mar 24 2023, 11:53 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,424
"Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam."
Stogie1020 Offline
#47 Posted: Fri, Mar 24 2023, 12:16 PM EST
Joined: 12-19-2019
Posts: 5,327
"'Tis but a flesh wound"
MACS Offline
#48 Posted: Fri, Mar 24 2023, 6:42 PM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,774
DrMaddVibe wrote:
"Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam."


Uncle Buck!
Palama Online
#49 Posted: Mon, Apr 10 2023, 8:57 PM EST
Joined: 02-05-2013
Posts: 23,680
From the OR “Shaft”

https://youtu.be/0XSRUMLRQAc
DrMaddVibe Offline
#50 Posted: Tue, Apr 11 2023, 10:03 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,424
"You think you hate it now, wait 'til you drive it."
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