1860's that is:
PETROLEUM V. NASBY SHOWS WHY HE SHOULD NOT BE DRAFTED
August the 6th, 1862.
I see in the papers last nite that the Government hez institooted a draft, and that in a few weeks sum hundreds uv thousands uv peeceable citizens will be dragged to the tented field.
I know not wat uthers may do, but ez for me, I cant go.
Upon a rigid eggsaminashun uv my fizzleckle man, I find it wood be wus nor madnis for me to undertake a campane, to-wit:—
1. I'm bald-headid, and hev bin obliged to wear a wig these 22 years.
2. I hev dandruff in wat scanty hair still hangs around my venerable temples.
3. I hev a kronic katarr.
4. I hev lost, sence Stanton's order to draft, the use uv wun eye entirely, and hev kronic inflammashen in the other.
5. My teeth is all unsound, my palit aint eggsactly rite, and I hev hed bronkeetis 31 yeres last Joon. At present I hev a koff, the paroxisms uv wich is friteful to behold
6. I'm holler-chestid, am short-winded, and hev alluz hed pains in my back and side.
7. I am afflictid with kronic diarrear and kostivniss. The money I hev paid (or promist to pay), for Jayneses karminnytiv balsam and pills wood astonish almost enny body.
8. I am rupchered in nine places, and am entirely enveloped with trusses.
9. I hev verrykose vanes, hev a white-swellin on wun leg and a fever sore on the uther; also wun leg is shorter than tother, though I handle it so expert that nobody never noticed it.
10. I hev korns and bunyons on both feet, wich wood prevent me from marchin.
I dont suppose that my political opinions, wich are aginst the prossekooshn uv this unconstooshnel war, wood hev any wate, with a draftin orfiser; but the above reesons why I cant go. will, I make no doubt, be suffishent.
PETROLEUM V. NASBY
