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Last post 20 years ago by MACS. 4 replies replies.
Thank You For Calling The US ARMY!
Cavallo Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 01-05-2004
Posts: 2,796
Thank you for calling the United States Army.

I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you back.

As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, China, the Y2K Bug, marching up and down the streets of Washington, D.C., and compulsory "Consideration Of Others" training, we will return your call. Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:

If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps.

If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good hotels, and can be solved by one or two low risk, high altitude bombing runs, please press 2 for the United States Air Force.

Please note this service is not available after 1630 hours, or on weekends. Special consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth technology who can provide additional research and development funding.

If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write, well in advance, to the United States Navy.

Please note that Tomahawk missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a first-come, first-served basis.

If your inquiry is not urgent, please press 3 for the Rapid Deployment Force.

If you are in real hot trouble, please press 4, and your call will be routed to the United States Army Special Operations Command. Please note that a compulsory credit check will be required to ensure you can afford the inherent TDY costs. Also be aware that USASOC may bill your account at any time and is not required to tell you why, as it will be classified.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to! be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilization, are prepared to work your butt off daily, risking your life, in all weather and terrain, both day and night, and while watching Congress erode your original benefits package, then please stay on the line, Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Army Recruiter in an old strip mall down by the Post Office.

Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the United States Army.
bloody spaniard Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 03-14-2003
Posts: 43,802
Just wait until we're confronted by China.
Then, we'll have a good reason for military deployment.

blood

PS: Ironic isn't it, that they same imbeciles who now want to send our armed forces into Haiti, didn't want the overseas military's votes to count in Florida...

blood
RICKAMAVEN Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 10-01-2000
Posts: 33,248
cavalo

that is well done. your mind doesn't seem bothered by any of your health problems
RICKAMAVEN Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 10-01-2000
Posts: 33,248
bloody spaniard

PS

yo, a total mistaken example of the facts with all the dirty parts removed.
MACS Offline
#5 Posted:
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,840
I know that was a joke Tony... a good one too because it's told a little different if you're a sailor - BUT... Tomahawk exercises were not limited about a year ago!! We were shootin' 'em like it was COOL! And it WAS! Dangit... now I gotta go bother the photographer... I KNOW he has some pictures of our launches that can be shown now.
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