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. . . for Rednecks

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. Any job worth having will already have it stocked.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered rude to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt
the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table... no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days, however, if you live alone,deodorant is a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of her finger foods.

DATING (Outside the family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 pm; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back a six pack of beer.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

I hate anything PC. Does that make me a redneck or is it the fact that I always have my fishing pole in the car?

These were great.

Great post, very good rules to live by!!

"2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you."---- LMAO, really!

YOU MIGHT BE A INSENSITVE, SMART-MOUTH YANKEE if...

You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
You think ketchup is SPICY!
For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
You don't know what a Moon Pie is.
You've EVER eaten cream of wheat.
You actually drink Scrapple.
You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard.
More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in New Hampshire.
You would rather have your son become a lawyer.
You refer to two or more people as "you guys," even if both of them are women.
You call binoculars "opera glasses."
You've been "antiquing" with your wife.
You get upset when people on the subway talk to you.
You live where there IS a subway.
You can't do your laundry without quarters.
You buy your water in jugs.
You think it's your civic duty to correct everyone.
You wear short pants and black socks with sandals
and
You smoke cigars with your pinkie extended

How do you tell the rich red neck from the poor one?






















The rich one has two cars on blocks in the front yard!

"4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion."

True story:
My son was the ring bearer in a wedding a couple of years ago, so we were at the church when the photos were being taken. It was a big wedding with ushers + groomsmen, (not the typical double duty deal). Since there were so many of them, in the shot of the entire wedding party, the photographer had some sit down in the front. I LMAO when all but one had on white socks. (And no, they weren't wearing white tuxes.)

I that ain't redneck, I'll kiss your a$$.