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Last post 11 years ago by fishinguitarman. 18 replies replies.
The Lawyer And The Redneck
fishinguitarman Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 07-29-2006
Posts: 69,148
A lawyer and a redneck are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that rednecks are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the redneck would like to play a fun game.

The redneck is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, "This game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.

You ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the redneck's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.

"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The redneck doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the redneck's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the airphone, he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

After an hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the redneck and hands him $500. The redneck pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes up the redneck and asks, "Well, what does go up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The redneck reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
rasdas Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 03-13-2003
Posts: 4,716
Ok...that got me laughing...
ARN Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 10-14-2005
Posts: 11,393
LMAO!!!
USM_Eagle Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 07-07-2009
Posts: 2,280
haha
DrafterX Offline
#5 Posted:
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 95,524
did you snopes this..??
HockeyDad Offline
#6 Posted:
Joined: 09-20-2000
Posts: 41,829
I hope Pacman357 learned his lesson.
jojoc Offline
#7 Posted:
Joined: 03-05-2007
Posts: 6,271
lawyer Outrage!
Secondz Offline
#8 Posted:
Joined: 03-10-2010
Posts: 789
classic...lol
bloody spaniard Offline
#9 Posted:
Joined: 03-14-2003
Posts: 43,802
In real life, FGM, er, I mean the redneck ended up on a payment plan after running out of fives.
...least that's what I heard.
fishinguitarman Offline
#10 Posted:
Joined: 07-29-2006
Posts: 69,148
Nope! Lost it at the casino in the nickel machine
TMCTLT Offline
#11 Posted:
Joined: 11-22-2007
Posts: 19,702
Good stuff Ray :)
fishinguitarman Offline
#12 Posted:
Joined: 07-29-2006
Posts: 69,148
LMAO @ #6
Gene363 Offline
#13 Posted:
Joined: 01-24-2003
Posts: 27,329
LOL!
wheelrite Offline
#14 Posted:
Joined: 11-01-2006
Posts: 50,119
Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.

Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A: Accountants know they're boring.

Q: What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?
A: A jury.

Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

Q: What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A: A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

Q: What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.


Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Q: How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.


Q: How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.


Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.


Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.


Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.


Q: What are lawyers good for?
A: They make used car salesmen look good.


Q: What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
A: They're both extinct.


Q: What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.


Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.


Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad.
A: Senator.


Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.


Q: What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
A: Taller


Q: What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.


Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
A: The pronunciation.


Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.


wheel,
elk hunter Offline
#15 Posted:
Joined: 03-20-2009
Posts: 10,330
Q. Why do layers wear ties?
A. To keep the foreskin from welling up over their face...

Q. What is the difference between a dead layer and a dead skunk?
A. There are skid marks before the skunk...
fishinguitarman Offline
#16 Posted:
Joined: 07-29-2006
Posts: 69,148
Layer of what?
elk hunter Offline
#17 Posted:
Joined: 03-20-2009
Posts: 10,330
Ooops!!! LOL
huntero1975 Offline
#18 Posted:
Joined: 01-02-2010
Posts: 3,700
good stuff..and only funny cause its true..
but not the lawyers on cbid..there the good ones...

mine only took like 47k so i could see my daughter..what a great guy..at least i get to see my kiddo alot..
fishinguitarman Offline
#19 Posted:
Joined: 07-29-2006
Posts: 69,148
silver lining
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