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JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT


A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability."

Would that make companies like Haliburton Democrats?

No.

Halliburton is one of the world's largest providers of products and services to the energy industry. With more than 55,000 employees in approximately 70 countries, the company serves the upstream oil and gas industry throughout the lifecycle of the reservoir – from locating hydrocarbons and managing geological data, to drilling and formation evaluation, well construction and completion, and optimizing production through the life of the field.

Again with the wheelchairs????

And then there's HEMP!

The world's PREMIER food source!

Well, you'd never catch Johnny Cash in a wheelchair!

Different Jimmy.

He had some modicum of humor...this Jimmy doesn't.

You have to say it 3 times!!!!

And to think all this commentary for a joke, me like.

I never said that corporate welfare is any company that does business with the government. I never said that corporations were the enemy either. What I did say was that there are corporations that are on the public dole, charging $600.00 for a hammer and $900.00 for a toilet,for example. What I did say is that there are corporations that screw the taxpayers on a regular basis, ala Enron. These corporations are the enemy, not all corporations, so please don't misquote me or twist my words. Sure ther are mega-corporations that employ a huge number of people. And many of those same corporations employ a huge number of people overseas. For every IPhone that is sold, $11.00 goes to American workers, the rest goes overseas. This is what I am talking about. As for small businesses are concerned, don't think for a minute that any of our Republican representatives, as well as many of our Democratic representatives, consider small businesses a priority. The success of small business means a stronger middle class. Clearly this doen't fit the Republican agenda. Otherwise, they would not have held extending unemployment benefits hostage in order to protect tax breaks for those making over $1,000,000.00 a year. Now if they had not voted for extending the unemployment benefits on philosophical grounds, I still wouldn't have agreed with them, but I least I would have respected the fact that they had the balls to take a position based on their own principles.

hesed,

Reigion
Politics
Corporate/Government Contracts
Disability
Wheelchairs

Bad combination of too many topics to bring into one conversation. Leave Religion, Disability and People in Whelchairs, out of the stew. They have zero to do with the direction you sent this thread. Some of us happen to be in wheelchairs or have family members who are. Others are disabled and receive disability benefits orhave family members who are. Some find the reference to Jesus, as a character in your story, utterly tatsteless.My self included.

rfenst

It is still just an anti-corporation rant.

Does Halliburton charge $600.00 for a hammer and $900.00 for a toilet to the Federal government? Just exactly how much of Halliburton's work is from the Federal government? You have no idea. Why does the Federal government negotiate contracts to pay $600 for a hammer? That sound more like a problem with the Federal workforce.

How 'bout Enron? What do they charge for hammers and toilet? Did they even do business with the Federal government before they were bankrupted by the accounting fraud scandal? You know they folded in 2002, right?

How much money from the iPhone should go to American workers and what is that number based on? Percentage sales? HQ location? Cool factor? Are we now anti-globalization and want tariff wars and a giant wall surrounding the USA? No importing of foreign goods!

How much money from clothing sales in the US should go to American workers? I bet it is worse that the iPhone! Look for the union label lately?

In terms of Republicans blocking anything, keep in mind that the Democrats have controlled Congress, the White House, and the US Supreme Court for the last two years. Republicans don't have the power to block. The problem is Democrats don't have the ability to lead because they keep tripping over their own corruption. You've been manipulated to believe that the Republicans are blocking everything. The reality is the Republicans and Democrats at the end of the day attend the exact same fancy dinner parties at your expense.

..but the corporations are bad. Yup.

I believe the intent of the joke is to make fun of Democrats, religion; disabilities; wheelchairs are merely use as a vehicle to convey the joke. If you go back and read it fun is not being poked at any of the physical maladies, sure it could have been a blonde, brunette or redhead, but would that have been offensive to some.

I’m also not sure that religion was being made fun of either but isn’t it ironic that two of the most taboo discussion topics politics and religion find their way into a joke.

What really is the funny part of this whole post is the wild off topic divergence the thread has taken. Nowhere in the joke is there anything that would have pushed the conversations to corporate and government contracts.

Ahhhh now I see the connection, thanks for pointing that out

..but hemp is the world's premier food source.

$600 hammers and Enron?!?
Dude, you really need to udate your propaganda.

This would be for the following reasons:

1) continual governmment "scope change" after a bid price has been set (which someone has to pay for),

2) insane government reporting and accountability practices that cost more money to enforce than they save,

3) hammers and toilet seats that need to be designed to an exacting federal / state / local specification because someone twenty years ago create the specification to give the business to his best buddy, and no one in the government has the brains to change the spec,

4) the amount of paperwork and time it takes to submit and win a bid with the federal government,

5) the number of times your competing bid was copied, given to a favored contractor, and then undercut on price,

6) the cost of dealing with the general stupidity of most government bureaucrats and their evil henchmen / impish minions.

About the $600 for a hammer garbage....

If any of you actually made purchases for the government you would understand how this is possible. I have made probably close to $10,000,000 dollars in purchases for the federal government, or had a large hand in the procurement of the big $$ items.

That being said, it is very hard to spend uncle sam's money.

You have to rotate vendors, you can't just buy from the cheapest source because of the many requirements (GSA prefered, etc..) For me to purchase a simple pair of binoculars I had to provide a page of justification as to why I was buying the CHEAPEST ones on the internet.

When you start into the mess of buying contractors, it get worse.


The govt isn't a business. When the end of the year comes you HAVE TO SPEND your budget. The budget is Federal Law, you can't save money through the year and give it back to the taxpayer. There is no budget surplus that is not spent because you would have to REPEAL the law that signed the budget in the foist place.


Now back to the hammer. So lets say I did a outstanding job of using my annual budget of $76,564 dollars (BTW I had to project that amount 5 years in advance, thus adding to the waste because I cant run my [insert govt workplace] if I project short on my annual budget). I have spent $75,872.80, leaving me $691.20. I am going to find the most expensive hammer on the GSA website, make ONE govt purchase order and be done with it. The alternative is to do endless paperwork to put the money in another pool to be spent

It's much more a pain in the ass than that, but it isn't that indivuduals are intent on wasting money. The system is set up for failure, mostly by legislated fairness principals and anti-scamming principals.


I wish I didn't waste my time typing this. I am glad I do not procure for the govt anymore either, I never with to do that again.

.... lot's of stupidity.....

I don't want to even think about all the money I wasted... Hell, I might be a waste of govt $$$$$!!!!

Mmmmmm...orange fingertips

JESUS HEALED CROS? Hallejuah! ...or is CROS a democrat?

Were you there?

Dang!