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ANOTHER QUICK FIX TO SAVE US MINEY
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RICKAMAVEN Offline
#1 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 9:49 AM EST
Joined: 10-01-2000
Posts: 33,248
June 30, 2011
Republicans: Trillions Could Be Cut from Budget if We Eliminate Empathy
Humanity Also on Chopping Block



WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Speaking on behalf of congressional Republicans, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) said today that trillions could be cut from the Federal budget if Congress can agree to eliminate empathy.

“The current budget is bursting at the seams with pet projects that reek of empathy,” Rep. Cantor said. “As a nation, we can no longer afford to spend money on people’s basic survival needs like a bunch of drunken sailors.”

Rep. Cantor noted that “the word ‘empathy’ comes from the Greek word ‘pathos,’ meaning ‘pathetic’ – and that’s exactly what helping people is: pathetic.”

“We Americans should get out of the habit of using Greek words,” he added. “Look where it’s gotten the Greeks – straight into bankruptcy.”

Once congressional Republicans eliminate such empathy-laden budget items as lunches for poor children, medicine for the indigent and oxygen for seniors, Rep. Cantor said, “We can move from cutting empathy to cutting humanity.”

With humanity removed from the budget, he said, “That’s where the real savings come in.”

By eliminating the food, medicine and oxygen necessary to sustain human life, “We will reduce the single biggest drain on the U.S. economy: people.”

Ending on an optimistic note, Rep. Cantor said that by eliminating people, “by the middle of this century the United States will be successfully transformed into one big unmanned Predator drone.”

Elsewhere, presidential candidate Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) today visited historic Monticello, which she called “the home of Jeffrey Dahmer.” Get a free subscription to Borowitz Report here.
Brewha Offline
#2 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 10:05 AM EST
Joined: 01-25-2010
Posts: 12,201
Of course we could repeal the child labor laws.

– put the little Fockers to work, I say!
HockeyDad Offline
#3 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 10:30 AM EST
Joined: 09-20-2000
Posts: 46,163
Eventually American will realize the the issue is not one of rich versus poor but actually is one of young versus old.

The young pay in all the money and the old consume it all while no longer providing a meaningful role in the economy.

One day the young will have to revolt....
frankj1 Offline
#4 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 12:24 PM EST
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 44,223
HockeyDad wrote:
Eventually American will realize the the issue is not one of rich versus poor but actually is one of young versus old.

The young pay in all the money and the old consume it all while no longer providing a meaningful role in the economy.

One day the young will have to revolt....

there's enough young who are already revolting.
Brewha Offline
#5 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 12:25 PM EST
Joined: 01-25-2010
Posts: 12,201
HockeyDad wrote:
Eventually American will realize the the issue is not one of rich versus poor but actually is one of young versus old.

The young pay in all the money and the old consume it all while no longer providing a meaningful role in the economy.

One day the young will have to revolt....

And then they will get old and become the enemy they rose up against.
Only to be put down by the next generation, with yet another hoard of nemesis’s being fruited from their own loins . . .

Say this could make a great series – like Harry Potter, only with a point . . . . we could get Martin Sheen to play the drunkard . . . .
teedubbya Offline
#6 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 12:26 PM EST
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
Children of the Corn!
Kawak Offline
#7 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 1:11 PM EST
Joined: 11-26-2007
Posts: 4,025
If we could hurry up and get these f'n death panels in place we wouldn't have a budget crises. Some old goats take all kinds of meds and drink from dirty coffee pots!
MikeyRavioli Offline
#8 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 1:12 PM EST
Joined: 10-10-2005
Posts: 2,105
There is enough miney for everyone.
Redistribute the miney!!!!!
DrMaddVibe Offline
#9 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 1:14 PM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,507
My baby gives me the finance blues, Tax me to the limit of my revenues.
Here she comes finger-poppin', clickety-click
She says furs or diamonds, you take your pick.

She wants miney, what she wants, She wants miney, what she wants,
She wants miney, what she wants, She wants miney, what she wants,
miney, miney miney miney. miney miney, miney miney miney.

She say, "Miney, honey", I'd rob a bank,
I just load my gun and mosey down to the bank.
Knockin' off my neighborhood savings and load,
To keep my sweet chiquita in eau de cologne.

She wants miney, what she wants, She wants miney, what she wants,
miney, miney miney miney. miney miney, miney miney miney.

Mama don't send me down to rob that bank again,
I got a notion that your leadin' me to sin.
Won't you relax, won't you lay way back,
Don't you bug your honey 'bout no Cadillac.
It's only bucks, you don't need no jack.
So won't you please relax and lay way back.

My baby's lovin' gives me such a thrill;
It gives me inspiration makin' counterfeit bills.
Now some folks say the best things in life are free,

She wants miney, what she wants, She wants miney, what she wants,
miney, miney miney miney. miney miney, miney miney miney.

Lord made a lady out of Adam's rib, next thing you know, you got women's lib.
Lovely to look upon, Heaven to touch;
It's a real shame that they got to cost so much.
Kawak Offline
#10 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 1:16 PM EST
Joined: 11-26-2007
Posts: 4,025
MikeyRavioli wrote:
There is enough miney for everyone.
Redistribute the miney!!!!!


It's second nature for libs to use the word "mine" anytime possible
MTappert Offline
#11 Posted: Thu, Jun 30 2011, 2:09 PM EST
Joined: 04-27-2011
Posts: 1,085
this plan doesnt seem like the worst of ideas.
jackconrad Offline
#12 Posted: Fri, Jul 1 2011, 11:57 PM EST
Joined: 06-09-2003
Posts: 67,461
(\__/)
(=’.’=)
("))+_(")
Titles cans be edittded!
Da featcha is abailable to boat Consoyvatibes an Libbers alike !..
donutboy2000 Offline
#13 Posted: Sat, Jul 2 2011, 2:06 PM EST
Joined: 11-20-2001
Posts: 25,000
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