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Beginner Smoker Issues: Telling/Hiding
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opelmanta1900 Offline
#1 Posted: Thu, Dec 17 2015, 11:30 PM EST
Joined: 01-10-2012
Posts: 13,954
Give up smoking or give up her... I'd opt for the latter... Falling in love is easy...
shaun341 Offline
#2 Posted: Thu, Dec 17 2015, 11:31 PM EST
Joined: 08-02-2012
Posts: 8,826
Hmhaines wrote:
Hello,

My name is Harvey; I'm a welder and glassworker from Connecticut, and I've relatively recently begun smoking cigars. There is a small mountain of issues that could be discussed, most of which I care little about, but there is one big problem that I find myself with: I have to keep my cigars a secret.

The basics are simple enough. My girlfriend might as will already be my fiance, and in all likelihood will be soon. We're moving in together sometime in the next few months. She is frugal, almost to the point of insanity. She hates the concept of vice with a reserved passion; alcohol and smoking are two of her least favorite things in the world. Basically, there's no reason for her to do anything but hate tobacco and the smoking thereof.

Perpetual secrecy isn't an option, I already feel bad enough for not having told her the first time I tried a cigar. However, I don't have a clue about how to introduce the topic and handle the fallout. Have any of you had to deal with a situation like this? Any suggestions?

It is worth noting that I am very much in love with my girlfriend. She's brilliant, beautiful, and generally too good for me. Basically, I'd give up smoking for her, but I'd like to keep both. Even if it means puffing away outside in the middle of a Minnesota winter.

(She's a graduate student in Minneapolis. That's where I'll be moving soon. Because love makes people dumb.)

Boo hoo!



Probably not possible buddy but either are replaceable
bgz Offline
#3 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 12:17 AM EST
Joined: 07-29-2014
Posts: 13,023
It's not a vice, it's a collection!

If you don't smoke that much, she should be cool with it...

Not sure why you're asking a bunch of grumpy old farts about major life decisions though, lol.
zody Offline
#4 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 12:21 AM EST
Joined: 05-03-2005
Posts: 1,149
If she can't deal with you smoking cigars and that's a deal breaker, pretty superficial and I'd say it's not only doomed, you'd be dodging a misery bullet there brother.
You're in the Honeymoon phase, real love is what develops when things get real....like you are in each other's daily lives and space all the time. Honeymoon love fades and turns into real love or it just burns out and fades away.
Make your choices and be smart, Honeymoon love makes you dumber than dumb. Trust me, been there. If you stay dumb and kids come into the picture the only winners are attorneys.
SmokeMonkey Offline
#5 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 2:57 AM EST
Joined: 04-05-2015
Posts: 5,688
Whether or not you smoke cigars will be a very small part of the trial and tribulations you will experience in a marriage. If it's an issue for her, as others have intimated above, it will be the least of your problems when the "hard times" come. Be true to yourself and be accountable for what that means. Own it. Your relationship will be better in the long term for it, one way or the other. Or that's just the scotch talking....
danmdevries Offline
#6 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 3:21 AM EST
Joined: 02-11-2014
Posts: 17,375
If you have to hide something from someone that close to you, the solution is not complicated. Pick the one you want more.

stinger88 Offline
#7 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 6:09 AM EST
Joined: 05-29-2012
Posts: 6,574
If you are an occasional smoker and she can't handle it, probably a warning sign. My wife doesn't like it but she understands. She doesn't give me too much grief and I just have to go through all of the post smoke procedures. Shower, brush teeth, etc.
Palama Offline
#8 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 6:16 AM EST
Joined: 02-05-2013
Posts: 23,688
stinger88 wrote:
If you are an occasional smoker and she can't handle it, probably a warning sign. My wife doesn't like it but she understands. She doesn't give me too much grief and I just have to go through all of the post smoke procedures. Shower, brush teeth, etc.


+1

OP - better to be straight up with her, always the best course of action. Smoking a cigar is my "Me" time so it's meant to be relaxing. No way I could enjoy it if I had to hide it from my wife.
DrMaddVibe Offline
#9 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 6:41 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,431
PUHLEEZE...that boatload of crazy isn't going to just stop at vice. That's just the line you know not to cross today. Tomorrow it will be a whole host of things...the clothes you wear, the way you part your hair, the manner in which you stare...RUN.

I'm positive that there is a better woman out there for you.


You'd be settling for 2nd best with this nutjob wacko that cannot and will not accept you for you. Look, we're not perfect. We're humans and we ALL have flaws. When you have the kind of worries you bring...RUN AWAY. You cannot fix her or her seeded beliefs.


OR



Marry her. Reconcile with that man in the mirror each and every morning when you're shaving that you're a surrender monkey that has to hide his nuts like a squirrel. You aren't allowed to enjoy what you want, when you want and you settled. You could've had a porterhouse steak and you went with the McDonalds plain hamburger. Get used to wearing flannel shirts, Carhart jackets and bib overalls..say stuff like "YAAAA" and "Geeeez" a lot too and when your blood turns into used motor oil and you're wearing shorts when it hits 45 for the first time in 6 months get back to us!


Smoke 'em if ya gots 'em..but in your case you have to hide them...sneak them out...disinfect yourself with soap and water...change your clothes...wash the smoky clothes by themselves because you know who will smell it on her clothes after they've been washed and dried no matter what.

Herfing
Abrignac Offline
#10 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 6:55 AM EST
Joined: 02-24-2012
Posts: 17,278
How often does she pull your nuts out of her purse so you can look at them?
danmdevries Offline
#11 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 7:18 AM EST
Joined: 02-11-2014
Posts: 17,375
Yup. ^

I don't even know how to say it. If you can't discuss it with her and come to a mutually agreed decision like stingers arrangement, time to run. Or if you are sympathetic to some experience she had to drive her position, you won't be looking to sneak a smoke.
riverdog Offline
#12 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 7:45 AM EST
Joined: 03-28-2008
Posts: 2,600
SmokeMonkey wrote:
Whether or not you smoke cigars will be a very small part of the trial and tribulations you will experience in a marriage. If it's an issue for her, as others have intimated above, it will be the least of your problems when the "hard times" come. Be true to yourself and be accountable for what that means. Own it. Your relationship will be better in the long term for it, one way or the other. Or that's just the scotch talking....


Damn persuasive scotch.Applause
Plowboy221 Offline
#13 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 7:49 AM EST
Joined: 03-03-2013
Posts: 5,144
Ditch the broad and find a nice Latin hoe


Hector, Pedro's tres cuzin
rfenst Offline
#14 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 8:04 AM EST
Joined: 06-23-2007
Posts: 39,323
This OP has to be some kind of a joke...
danmdevries Offline
#15 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 8:58 AM EST
Joined: 02-11-2014
Posts: 17,375
rfenst wrote:
This OP has to be some kind of a joke...


Just looked at it again.

OP in CT, female in MN. That's not commuting distance.
Breakout3030 Offline
#16 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:00 AM EST
Joined: 12-06-2014
Posts: 279
Uh, maybe put on your big boy pants and explain to her how the cow is going to eat the cabbage. If you set a precedent in the relationship with her dictating how things will work it will be a very long miserable relationship.

As soon as my wife starts barking about my hobbies "vices" I just remind her how frivolous I think make-up is when applied to a woman who is naturally beautiful. Shuts her up every time...
dstieger Offline
#17 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:11 AM EST
Joined: 06-22-2007
Posts: 10,889
Ask Mattie.
Abrignac Offline
#18 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:14 AM EST
Joined: 02-24-2012
Posts: 17,278
rfenst wrote:
This OP has to be some kind of a joke...



Prolly so. Hadn't had a good "grow a pair" pig pile in a while. I'm guessing TW's bored without the fireman around.
tonygraz Offline
#19 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:22 AM EST
Joined: 08-11-2008
Posts: 20,253
You don't want to live in Minnesota in the winter.
SMOKEYOU Offline
#20 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:22 AM EST
Joined: 10-14-2015
Posts: 2,275
Hide smoking? Can you hide not wearing deodorant?
SMOKEYOU Offline
#21 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:24 AM EST
Joined: 10-14-2015
Posts: 2,275
Im guessing your age is wrong on the site.
madspackler Offline
#22 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:32 AM EST
Joined: 03-07-2000
Posts: 3,608
If you can't be upfront and honest from the start about who and what you are, the relationship is doomed. If you are hiding the cigars, what else are or will you be hiding from her?

My Better Half not only accepted that I smoke (never inside the house, but garage, porch and outside) but she bought me my first real humidor as a Christmas gift.
She enjoys the aroma of a nice cigar and has joined me on a rare ocassion or two, smoking a nice cigar herself.
fiddler898 Offline
#23 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:37 AM EST
Joined: 06-15-2009
Posts: 3,782
FWIW, any good relationship lives and breathes the rare air of negotiating. If you've come to an either/or this early in your relationship (about something that pales in comparison with other life-issues), then this will set your pattern for the future. Is it one you are willing to live with?
sd72 Offline
#24 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:44 AM EST
Joined: 03-09-2011
Posts: 9,600
No vice, no deal. What is she going to say when u tell her you're into BDSM, and Thai sex baskets? Maybe get her drunk, and smoke a cigar with her.
bgz Offline
#25 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:58 AM EST
Joined: 07-29-2014
Posts: 13,023
danmdevries wrote:
Just looked at it again.

OP in CT, female in MN. That's not commuting distance.


And she's a grad student in college...

Yep, she's banging someone else....
dstieger Offline
#26 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 10:19 AM EST
Joined: 06-22-2007
Posts: 10,889
bgz wrote:


Yep, she's banging someone else....



Prolly a chain smoker
namadio Offline
#27 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 10:25 AM EST
Joined: 11-24-2014
Posts: 1,621
My girlfriend doesn't like cigar smoke much (even though she was a cigarette smoker previously... wtf?). I pretty much know that when I smoke, I'm not getting any until I wash the stink out my beard. That being said, she tolerates it because it's something I care about.

Like the many above have already stated, if she's so "anti-smoking" or "anti-vice" that she can't tolerate one of your hobbies, **** her for real. It's not worth it in the end.

Additionally, **** her in the first place. Many "vices" are the finer things in life. Namely cigars and whiskey!
danmdevries Offline
#28 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 10:52 AM EST
Joined: 02-11-2014
Posts: 17,375
SMOKEYOU wrote:
Im guessing your age is wrong on the site.


This is my bet. Sounds like teen young adult world views.
stinger88 Offline
#29 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 10:53 AM EST
Joined: 05-29-2012
Posts: 6,574
I don't hide the smoking of cigars....I just try to limit the amount of cigars she sees enter the house. 😜😳
dstieger Offline
#30 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 11:01 AM EST
Joined: 06-22-2007
Posts: 10,889
Hmhaines wrote:


She is frugal, almost to the point of insanity. She hates the concept of vice with a reserved passion; alcohol and smoking are two of her least favorite things in the world. Basically, there's no reason for her to do anything but hate tobacco and the smoking thereof........



She's ........generally too good for me.



you must be quite a catch
danmdevries Offline
#31 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 11:11 AM EST
Joined: 02-11-2014
Posts: 17,375
dstieger wrote:
you must be quite a catch


Wedding gift ideas: divorce attorney on retainer.
Hmhaines Offline
#32 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 11:23 AM EST
Joined: 12-16-2015
Posts: 853
stinger88 wrote:
I don't hide the smoking of cigars....I just try to limit the amount of cigars she sees enter the house. 😜😳



Were you already a smoker when the two of you first got together?
cameroon Offline
#33 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 11:25 AM EST
Joined: 04-06-2014
Posts: 810
Hmhaines wrote:
Hello,

My name is Harvey; I'm a welder and glassworker from Connecticut, and I've relatively recently begun smoking cigars. There is a small mountain of issues that could be discussed, most of which I care little about, but there is one big problem that I find myself with: I have to keep my cigars a secret.

The basics are simple enough. My girlfriend might as will already be my fiance, and in all likelihood will be soon. We're moving in together sometime in the next few months. She is frugal, almost to the point of insanity. She hates the concept of vice with a reserved passion; alcohol and smoking are two of her least favorite things in the world. Basically, there's no reason for her to do anything but hate tobacco and the smoking thereof.

Perpetual secrecy isn't an option, I already feel bad enough for not having told her the first time I tried a cigar. However, I don't have a clue about how to introduce the topic and handle the fallout. Have any of you had to deal with a situation like this? Any suggestions?

It is worth noting that I am very much in love with my girlfriend. She's brilliant, beautiful, and generally too good for me. Basically, I'd give up smoking for her, but I'd like to keep both. Even if it means puffing away outside in the middle of a Minnesota winter.

(She's a graduate student in Minneapolis. That's where I'll be moving soon. Because love makes people dumb.)

Boo hoo!



If you'd give up cigars for a woman, who cares. You're a woman yourself. Lucky MN has same sex weddings.
dstieger Offline
#34 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 11:33 AM EST
Joined: 06-22-2007
Posts: 10,889
Hmhaines wrote:
I knew the what to expect when I posted, but I had still hoped for something different. Silly me.

.



What were you hoping for? That we'd all suddenly change and tell you "No. You are not a ****. Give up cigars for the woman you love!" Prolly was a bit much to expect.
danmdevries Offline
#35 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 11:41 AM EST
Joined: 02-11-2014
Posts: 17,375
I'm not a supporter of marriage in the first place, you're basically entering a contract where either 100% of yours is hers, and you see each other every day. Or, stop seeing each other every day and 50% of yours is hers for as long as you live.

But if you're flirting with the need to hide something, that's black flag junior. Pit in and stay off track.
99cobra2881 Offline
#36 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 11:52 AM EST
Joined: 11-19-2013
Posts: 2,472
Blahda blahda blah didn't even read after the first paragraph.

She sounds like a bitch, find a new one. Life is tough there's no reason to go through it miserable.
nnightmar Offline
#37 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 11:53 AM EST
Joined: 03-31-2009
Posts: 10,707
So much good advice in this thread.

Assuming you are in love with each other and its not one way, be straight with her.

Admit you enjoy smoking cigars. Explain to her why.

She will learn to accept it or not.

Heck who knows, she might find it endearing.

If she can't accept it well, you get to decide what's more important.
SMOKEYOU Offline
#38 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 11:54 AM EST
Joined: 10-14-2015
Posts: 2,275
I'd say twenties.
SMOKEYOU Offline
#39 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 12:01 PM EST
Joined: 10-14-2015
Posts: 2,275
I went through that for six years myself. She still did not like smoking. If there is anything that's on the table besides food you will be hungry.( no pun intended)
Mattie B Offline
#40 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 12:07 PM EST
Joined: 12-12-2005
Posts: 6,350
Dstieger, Man that made me laugh when I read that!! Thanks for that my friend.


To the OP,
Man if you are searching for any sound relationship advice in this place, listen to these words.....

SEEK HELP ELSEWHERE!!!!!

No guy around here would allow themself to be sincere and offer real suggestions. Otherwise they would be mocked and accused of being a faithful follower of Dr Phil or Oprah. Your post is just an opportunity for the frat boys to have some fun. And I'll admit, some of the responses crack me up.

So some real help.....
Quit hiding your life. If that's a deal breaker, imagine what a Big deal would do to the relationship. It's not about being a man. It's about honesty.
SMOKEYOU Offline
#41 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 12:33 PM EST
Joined: 10-14-2015
Posts: 2,275
Id say you could have 1 cigar every 15 years and still have her! If you think about it that's a Fiver. A really good 5ver at that!
stinger88 Offline
#42 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 1:28 PM EST
Joined: 05-29-2012
Posts: 6,574
To answer the question way up there.....no I was not a smoker when we got together.
Numismaniac Offline
#43 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 3:50 PM EST
Joined: 01-13-2012
Posts: 12,222
Neither was mine, an RN at that, and after 5-6years of marriage, but I still kept my sack, so I do what I desire provided it does not involve adultery, I'm all goodfog


Grow a set
victor809 Offline
#44 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 4:04 PM EST
Joined: 10-14-2011
Posts: 23,866
I don't know why no one else has asked the important question...
Just how kinky is she?
I mean... a light slap and tickle girl, let's not get too crazy about changing habits. You can find another.

But if we're talking choke collar/ bridle & harness/pizz in my mouth/pizz in my friend's mouth / hardcore pornstar kind of girl.... Well you may have trouble finding another.

If she's gone full German hardcore pornstar you've gone too far around the other side.
bgz Offline
#45 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 4:31 PM EST
Joined: 07-29-2014
Posts: 13,023
victor809 wrote:
I don't know why no one else has asked the important question...
Just how kinky is she?
I mean... a light slap and tickle girl, let's not get too crazy about changing habits. You can find another.

But if we're talking choke collar/ bridle & harness/pizz in my mouth/pizz in my friend's mouth / hardcore pornstar kind of girl.... Well you may have trouble finding another.

If she's gone full German hardcore pornstar you've gone too far around the other side.


So what you are saying is, she's either currently banging someone else, or banging half the football team...

Point remains though, she's definitely banging someone else.
Abrignac Offline
#46 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 5:04 PM EST
Joined: 02-24-2012
Posts: 17,278
Kinda reminds me of a guy I used to work with. He was from Missouri. Met a girl from down here on the Internet. According to him there sex life was fantastic before they got married. Then.....

Met her one time. Cindy and I were in a Barnes & Noble before going to a movie. By chance we ran into them. My POS detector started pinging within about 5 seconds. We weren't sure and she suggested us go see a movie we hadn't heard it of. The whole movie was about a girl running away from people trying to harm her. Imagine that.

Anyway they had a real f'd up marriage. Finally one day she told him that an old friend was coming in town that was going to stay with them for 2 weeks. It turns out the friend was her who she was dating him when they met who ended up staying for 8 months. Neither one of them worked. So while he was working to pay the bills they were at home playing hide the salami.

Unless she has a solid gold Persian pussycat I'd be looking for the door.
tonygraz Offline
#47 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 5:17 PM EST
Joined: 08-11-2008
Posts: 20,253
Looks like "we" have successfully run off another member- original posts are gone.
gummy jones Offline
#48 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 5:29 PM EST
Joined: 07-06-2015
Posts: 7,969
A cigar isn't going to give you your first child, hold your hand while you are dying of cancer or make your favorite dinner on your birthday. I like cigars but I love my wife.
DrMaddVibe Offline
#49 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 7:26 PM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,431
Crazytown prolly trolled his pc and found the cookies and has got the ballgag on his little mouth.

RELEASE THE GIMP!
KingoftheCove Offline
#50 Posted: Fri, Dec 18 2015, 9:02 PM EST
Joined: 10-08-2011
Posts: 7,632
tonygraz wrote:
Looks like "we" have successfully run off another member- original posts are gone.

Dstieger said it perfectly, and did almost make me snort some juice.
That dude was either
-naive
-really dumb
-or a total *****

..............most likely all of the above.
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