America's #1 Online Cigar Auction
first, best, biggest!

Last post 6 years ago by Buckwheat. 16 replies replies.
New Bloke
Jump to Bottom | Previous Topic | Next Topic
MasterJones Offline
#1 Posted: Sun, Jan 14 2018, 4:23 PM EST
Joined: 01-14-2018
Posts: 3
Top of the mornin' gents

New member from across the P.O.N.D.

Enjoy a good cigar when I'm not too skint.

So this morning I start my day by taking my rubbish out to the bin, when straightaway I spot a bloke at the empty flat across the street posing as a real estate agent BUT I ain't no wazzock. This chap is MI5 all day.

Now it's monkey's outside and I'm still in the bathrobe I picked up at the morning swap but I know I'm balls-up if this nutter toff makes me. So real calm and cool I yell "Bob's your uncle mate! Ace's weather, no? Well, back to me telly."

He gave a crooked smile and a half wave - the **** - but I don't think he suspected anything. I'll be watching the dodgy cnt.

Now I'm back to the shack for some pork n beans for supper. Tatty-bye all.
delta1 Offline
#2 Posted: Sun, Jan 14 2018, 4:25 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,788
tally ho!
8trackdisco Offline
#3 Posted: Sun, Jan 14 2018, 4:47 PM EST
Joined: 11-06-2004
Posts: 60,076
MasterJones wrote:
Top of the mornin' gents

New member from across the P.O.N.D.

Enjoy a good cigar when I'm not too skint.

So this morning I start my day by taking my rubbish out to the bin, when straightaway I spot a bloke at the empty flat across the street posing as a real estate agent BUT I ain't no wazzock. This chap is MI5 all day.

Now it's monkey's outside and I'm still in the bathrobe I picked up at the morning swap but I know I'm balls-up if this nutter toff makes me. So real calm and cool I yell "Bob's your uncle mate! Ace's weather, no? Well, back to me telly."

He gave a crooked smile and a half wave - the **** - but I don't think he suspected anything. I'll be watching the dodgy cnt.

Now I'm back to the shack for some pork n beans for supper. Tatty-bye all.


Most importantly, which football team do you support?
delta1 Offline
#4 Posted: Sun, Jan 14 2018, 4:57 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,788
2 - 1 he's a Chesterfield guy
Speyside Offline
#5 Posted: Sun, Jan 14 2018, 5:37 PM EST
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
Well played, it was a much longer game than I thought.
8trackdisco Offline
#6 Posted: Sun, Jan 14 2018, 6:20 PM EST
Joined: 11-06-2004
Posts: 60,076
delta1 wrote:
2 - 1 he's a Chesterfield guy


That's a fair amount of suffering. Teetering on the edge of relegation in League 2 isn't a great strategy to brave the english winter.
delta1 Offline
#7 Posted: Sun, Jan 14 2018, 6:40 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,788
Master Jones seems to be the sort...
Phil222 Offline
#8 Posted: Sun, Jan 14 2018, 6:44 PM EST
Joined: 10-01-2017
Posts: 1,911
(In my best British accent) Straight barmy...are you out on the piss again, Jones? Off your trolley, are ya?
RMAN4443 Offline
#9 Posted: Mon, Jan 15 2018, 1:50 PM EST
Joined: 09-29-2016
Posts: 7,683
delta1 wrote:
tally ho!

What kind of Ho??.........what services are offered??Anxious
tamapatom Offline
#10 Posted: Mon, Jan 15 2018, 3:01 PM EST
Joined: 03-19-2015
Posts: 7,381
Gawdon Bennet! Brass Door services from Tally. OK?
MasterJones Offline
#11 Posted: Mon, Jan 15 2018, 11:09 PM EST
Joined: 01-14-2018
Posts: 3
top of the mornin gents

got round to the pubs last night I did and
2 drinks in I spot this redheaded bloke sittin cross the place and
straightaway I know him as a scotland yard cuddy

I've no idea what he's doin in Leicestershire but he's about with some blond floozy and her MI6 sidekick

I make towards the loo like I'm out to shake the snake, but in actuality I just hover about behind em and listen in a bit, I did, and I hear em talking all sly like about how they was fixin to nick me pound stash from me flat that very evening they was

well I come round from behind him and - bob's your uncle - take a swing at ol' scotty

but the dodgy cnt musta slipped a mickey into me first pint cuz afore I could connect with the cheeky bastird
I lost me footing and ended up face down in their plum pudding


the scotty was quite good about the whole thing - OF COURSE THATS HIS JOB - shouldered me out to a hackney and saw me off and such

got back to me flat and looks like me stash is safe

OUTSMARTED them again, I did
maybe next time you bloody twits
jespear Offline
#12 Posted: Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:08 AM EST
Joined: 03-19-2004
Posts: 9,464
Think Clutch Cargo was my first clue.
THEN, I read the posts, and that easily confirmed it.
tamapatom Offline
#13 Posted: Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:42 AM EST
Joined: 03-19-2015
Posts: 7,381
Different though. Clutch Cargo and company are all wearing stashes.
jespear Offline
#14 Posted: Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:46 AM EST
Joined: 03-19-2004
Posts: 9,464
tamapatom wrote:
Different though. Clutch Cargo and company all wearing stashes.


Incognito !
frankj1 Offline
#15 Posted: Tue, Jan 16 2018, 10:12 AM EST
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 44,221
jespear wrote:
Think Clutch Cargo was my first clue.
THEN, I read the posts, and that easily confirmed it.

British Magwitch?
Buckwheat Offline
#16 Posted: Tue, Jan 16 2018, 12:12 PM EST
Joined: 04-15-2004
Posts: 12,251
Interesting attempt at humor. I'm sure you realize that the use of "Master" before a name is for boys that haven't reached adulthood. fog
Users browsing this topic
Guest
Back to Top