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E-Chick Offline
#1 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 9:52 AM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
Thanks to all of you for always showing a great sense of humor...I'm really into that.

When things get bumpy and I need a diversion, this is the first place I look (other than Mike) for advice, info, and just plain old fun...

This past Sunday (the 15th) my 71 year old dad had a stroke and I drove as fast as I could to get to him.

He lives just outside of Las Vegas and it took me just under 4 hours to get there from San Diego.

I don't know any of your experiences with loved ones that have had a stroke, but it was the most traumatizing thing that has happened to me in years...he refused to go to the hospital and we (my stepmother, daughter and I) finally got him into the car on Monday morning.

Luckily, it wasn't a 'bleeding' stroke. And he may make a good recovery...that is IF they can get his irregular heartbeat under control...

He's a fighter (like me - or vice versa!) and has already tried to remove the tubes and equipment to go home...and since he has alzheimer's, he isn't sure why he's in the hospital...it's terrible.

I had to come home Tuesday night so my daughter could get back to work and I could catch up on some things at home, but I'm going back...I don't know what to do, but feel I need to be there for my stepmom...she's frantic...she thinks that maybe he isn't so bad since he isn't in ICU, but in what they call intermediate care...I dunno...

I hope he comes home. He doesn't look good...

I just needed to sound off and know that you'll think good thoughts or say a prayer for him...I can always count on you guys for support!

If you have ANY suggestions as to what I can ask the doctors or what direction we need to be going in...PLEASE let me know...I'm completely at a loss here...

Thank you!

Marla

DrMaddVibe Offline
#2 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 9:55 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,498
I put him and your family in my prayers.
jazzman Offline
#3 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 10:01 AM EST
Joined: 11-06-2000
Posts: 1,012
Ditto
SteveS Offline
#4 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 10:04 AM EST
Joined: 01-13-2002
Posts: 8,751
All the best, M ... to you and all of yours
jreddoch Offline
#5 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 10:08 AM EST
Joined: 12-30-2000
Posts: 1,309
I hope he makes a speedy recovery.
Charlie Offline
#6 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 10:14 AM EST
Joined: 06-16-2002
Posts: 39,751
Best to you and your family e-chick! May he have a speedy recovery! God Bless

Charlie
jd1 Offline
#7 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 10:26 AM EST
Joined: 02-14-2001
Posts: 3,118
May God Bless him and your family M....
huskey Offline
#8 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 11:18 AM EST
Joined: 11-09-2001
Posts: 275
Best Wishes! to you and your Dad.
Dad's are great. I know mine is.

Clark
gerber Offline
#9 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 11:24 AM EST
Joined: 10-30-2002
Posts: 783
Marla, very sorry to hear of this situation with your dad. I will surely be in prayer for his recovery, and for you and your other family members as well. It's so difficult when life's normal routines are broken into pieces by such difficult circumstances. My extended family has gone through numerous similar situations in the past few years. I know how scary and unsettling it is when folks we care about are striken by ill health.

For some practical suggestions, you might try calling an agency that used to be associated with my workplace. It's called the Center for Aging Resources and located in Pasadena. In addition to providing direct services, they have a lot of information on issues pertaining to elder care and such. Perhaps they can put you in touch with resources in your area. Their number is (626) 577-8480.

All the best,

Dan
RDC Offline
#10 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 11:56 AM EST
Joined: 01-21-2000
Posts: 5,874
Marla,

I am very sorry to hear your dad has taken ill.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I have found inspiring thoughts on this web site.
www.thesojourners.org
I hope you and others will use it in time of need.

In the mean time, the one I have copied and pasted here has helped me.

Beatitudes For The Aged

Blessed are they who understand,
My faltering step and palsied hand.

Blessed are they who seem to know,
That my eyes are dim and my wits are slow.

Blessed are they who know today,
My ears must strain to hear what they say.

Blessed are they who looked away,
When coffee spilled on the table today.

Blessed are they with a cheery smile,
Who stopped by to chat for a little while.

Blessed are they who never say,
"You’ve told that story twice today".

Blessed are they who know the ways,
To bring back memories of yesterdays.

Blessed are they who make it known,
That I’m love, respected, and not alone.

Blessed are they who sense I’m at a loss,
To find the strength to carry the Cross.

Blessed are they who ease the days,
On my journey Home in loving ways.

Esther Mary Walker


Tobasco Offline
#11 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 2:25 PM EST
Joined: 02-08-2003
Posts: 2,809
Marla, So sorry about your dad. My dad also has alzheimer's. He has also had some setbacks during his illness. I will pray for your dad. I'm a lector at my church. If you would like, I can add his name to a special intentions prayer at Mass for you. Just let me know His name. There is power in prayer! It doesnt matter what religion you may be. Good luck.

Sincerly Mike(Mag)
E-Chick Offline
#12 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 3:07 PM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
I'm so touched...you all are really great!

I know that God's will is at hand and He alone knows the reasons...but I absolutely have a deep faith and know first hand the power of prayer and others interceeding on someones behalf...

My dad's name is Wayne...he has always been a very private person (unlike me) and I wouldn't feel comfortable giving his full name. I know he would hate to know that I even told you about the situation.

But I know that even though we are all not close and intimate friends in the sense that we do not see each other in person...that we are still a truly amazing, if not unheard of in the internet world, band of brothers (yeah, and a few sisters) that do care about one another and our wellbeing...and when there's a need, we are there for each other.

I'm astounded. I didn't mean to bring such a bummer to this site, but I need the support.

Thank you for your concerns and prayers...I think I may be going back tonight or in the morning...

Marla
xibbumbero Offline
#13 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 3:42 PM EST
Joined: 01-25-2002
Posts: 12,535
E-Chick,I'll pray for him and you to get through this. Think positive thoughts and postive things happen. Best of luck. X
iquester Offline
#14 Posted: Wed, Dec 18 2002, 7:11 PM EST
Joined: 06-29-2002
Posts: 179
As the (maybe only, mabe not) resident C-bid Ordained Minister, I have been with lots of folks going through what you are with your Dad and have been there with both my Dad, Stepdad, and Father-in-Law.

It is just hard to be miles away while someone you love is struggling... And then have to leave while they are still hospitalized...

All I can say is that you did what is best -- that's to go be with him and to let him know you love him. That seems like a passive thing to do and seomtimes people feel powerless. Let me say that from my perspective it is not passive and it is very powerful! People in your Dad's condition tell me all the time what it means to have their kids and loved ones by their side, even for a short time. I am sure it strengthened him.

If I get to live long enough to deal with the inevitable struggles of the body, I want my kids to do what you did! I would mean the world to me and I am sure it did for your Dad.

I add my prayers and best thoughts to the many others expressed here.

Take a deep breath, smoke a good one, relax and surrender your thoughts and prayers. And be grateful for every presious minute of life...

May God, who hold us all in eternal, inescabable love, be with you.

Dr. Mike Gardner
[email protected]
RknRmnd Offline
#15 Posted: Thu, Dec 19 2002, 12:18 PM EST
Joined: 10-16-2001
Posts: 407
Marla, When I first read your thread last evening, really did not know what to say but wanted to add. So I took a couple of my better cigars and headed to a favorite establishment. On the way I took time to reflect on what you are going through and what is going on with my Dad. After silently weeping for a moment, even guys do that.. regained focus and walked in. The friend I went to meet had a stroke last year. I didn't mention your situation but rather asked him about his. He came through after a bi-pass and stroke without complications and weights well more than he needs too. You and your family are in my prayers!
RJ
E-Chick Offline
#16 Posted: Thu, Dec 19 2002, 1:33 PM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
:)

Thanks again guys...after speaking with my step-mom today, she told me to hold off from coming up until a few more days pass and we know more.

They seem to have gotten his heart arrhythmia (sp?) under control and now need to see where his other tests land...I think that he may have had another stroke. They won't tell me or my brother anything, only my step-mom. It's nearly impossible to reach his doctor's and we are all frustrated.

If he was stable enough, I'd drive him down here to the V.A. in La Jolla. They have always taken great care of him there AND without the attitudes that these nurses in the private hospital have. I'm stunned at the lack of caring that several of his current nurses and doctor's have.

I'm feeling strange and guilty about not being there, but I can't put everything onto Mike and expect him to work, pick up our son from school/wrestling, do the biz paperwork, pay the bills and keep up with the laundry (our daughter works full time too and it's a lot to ask of her too) in addition to everything else and Christmas on top of that...

I can't expect my step-mom to handle this all on her own either...I'm exhausted and frustrated.

So she wants me to drive back up this weekend to see what to do in the long run. That means traffic...2 lanes heading to Vegas most of the way and now there'll be additional cars due to the holiday...I hate to be on the road, especially in my frame of mind.

Flying is out not because of money, only because I'd prefer to have my own car while there (although I guess I could rent one)...and who knows if flights are available...I'm ranting on, so I'll stop here...

Thanks for hearing me out. I want thank you for all of the support and great info, and hope to report some good news soon...
Danny Offline
#17 Posted: Thu, Dec 19 2002, 1:51 PM EST
Joined: 06-21-2002
Posts: 613
my family will be thinking of yours. Hope your dad makes a full and speedy recovery.
jjohnson28 Offline
#18 Posted: Thu, Dec 19 2002, 3:40 PM EST
Joined: 09-12-2000
Posts: 7,914
Very sorry to hear of your dads troubles Marla.
barryneedleman Offline
#19 Posted: Thu, Dec 19 2002, 4:02 PM EST
Joined: 08-23-2000
Posts: 1,689
Prayers sent.
akelly Offline
#20 Posted: Thu, Dec 19 2002, 6:36 PM EST
Joined: 11-09-2002
Posts: 131
I can understand the pain your dealing with. Right now my grandfather is sitting in the hospital under gods hands. I look up to and respect him almost more than anyone. He is so strong! Within the last few days he has survived 4 heart attacks and still holding his own. He is 87 years old and all he cares about is going home to take care of my grandmother. I respect this man so much and hope one day i will be as good of a friend/father/husband as he is. E-chick my prayers are with you.-Drew
eleltea Offline
#21 Posted: Thu, Dec 19 2002, 6:49 PM EST
Joined: 03-03-2002
Posts: 4,562
What everybody has said, and pray for strength.
E-Chick Offline
#22 Posted: Thu, Dec 19 2002, 9:10 PM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
And mine with your's akelly...hang in there!
tarheel4lyf Offline
#23 Posted: Thu, Dec 19 2002, 11:36 PM EST
Joined: 09-23-2002
Posts: 2,543
I am not religious and therefore do not pray, but my thoughts and best wishes are with you all.
E-Chick Offline
#24 Posted: Sat, Dec 21 2002, 9:26 AM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
Things are not looking good :(

My dad's lungs and kidney's aren't functioning properly now...

My brother and I are headed there to see if we can do anything to help, comfort or whatever...my stepmom needs us...

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers...thanks!

Marla
[email protected] Offline
#25 Posted: Sat, Dec 21 2002, 9:49 AM EST
Joined: 01-25-2002
Posts: 9,719
Marla - Vicki and I both send our best and will keep you and yours in our prayers - may God bless you all richly this holiday season ....
Mr.Mean Offline
#26 Posted: Sat, Dec 21 2002, 10:57 AM EST
Joined: 05-16-2001
Posts: 3,025
Of coarse your father will be in my prayers.
ropeman Offline
#27 Posted: Sat, Dec 21 2002, 11:31 AM EST
Joined: 07-18-2000
Posts: 633
E ,
Today is the 1st time I notice this post. I just wanted to reiterate everyone else's words. You and your family will be in my families prayers.
My only words of wisdom I can give you you is spend as much time with your father as you can. We tend to take our love ones for granted until something like this happens. Make sure your father knows how much you love him.
I quick little story, my father passed away 3 yrs ago of a heart attack in his sleep. I never was given a second chance to let him know how much I love him. How much I looked up to him. He never saw my daughter. My mother was away when this happened and I had to be the person to tell her that her husband of 50 yrs passed away. I will never forget that. I always think of my father and I will tell my children all about him.
So just take this as a 2nd chance to let your father feel your love, some people do not get that 2nd chance.
E-Chick Offline
#28 Posted: Mon, Dec 23 2002, 7:47 PM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
I want to let you all know how much you mean to me and how touched my family and I are at your sentiments...

My dad passed away Saturday the 21st in the afternoon.

:(

I didn't make it there in time, nor did my step-mom or brother...he was all alone with his nurse.

She said his heart got weaker and slower, and weaker and slower until he was just gone...

I just got home and I can't type anymore now, but thank you again.

Merry Christmas...
[email protected] Offline
#29 Posted: Mon, Dec 23 2002, 7:56 PM EST
Joined: 01-25-2002
Posts: 9,719
Marla -

Please accept our most sincere wishes for you and your family to make the best of this Christmas Season. We're sorry for your loss. Remember always the the laughter, fun, and tears. You'll be in our prayers.

God Bless and best wishes.
Tobasco Offline
#30 Posted: Mon, Dec 23 2002, 8:14 PM EST
Joined: 02-08-2003
Posts: 2,809
Marla

I'm very sorry to hear about your dads death. He is with God now. One day you will be with him again. Just remember that & all the good times while he was alive. I will keep your family in my prayers. Good Luck

Mag
iquester Offline
#31 Posted: Mon, Dec 23 2002, 8:49 PM EST
Joined: 06-29-2002
Posts: 179
May he rest in God's eternal peace in the Kingdom of heaven.

May God's comfort, family and freinds' support and the blessing of good memories by yours.

My prayers are with you.

Mike Gardner
SteveS Offline
#32 Posted: Tue, Dec 24 2002, 5:23 AM EST
Joined: 01-13-2002
Posts: 8,751
Marla ...

Deepest sympathies to you and your family ... although your Dad may has gone to another place, he will live on in your heart and those of your children and his other loved ones ... honor him by remembering well and practicing the values and the outlook on life that he instilled in you ...
can2_jm Offline
#33 Posted: Tue, Dec 24 2002, 5:48 AM EST
Joined: 04-18-2000
Posts: 150
Sorry about your loss but now he will not be in any more pain or suffering just take it one day at a time and don't lose faith. My sypathy goes out to you and your family.

2
Tobasco Offline
#34 Posted: Tue, Dec 24 2002, 7:20 AM EST
Joined: 02-08-2003
Posts: 2,809
To Marla, a poem


Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush.

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I did not die.


Mike(Mag)
CJBully Offline
#35 Posted: Tue, Dec 24 2002, 7:32 AM EST
Joined: 07-31-2002
Posts: 753
Sorry about your loss Marla...

Mr.Mean Offline
#36 Posted: Tue, Dec 24 2002, 8:29 AM EST
Joined: 05-16-2001
Posts: 3,025
Very sorry for your loss Marla. I lost my father a while back and I know how hard it can be..
Danno114 Offline
#37 Posted: Tue, Dec 24 2002, 8:59 AM EST
Joined: 03-01-2002
Posts: 395
My condolences E-Chick
qball Offline
#38 Posted: Tue, Dec 24 2002, 9:16 AM EST
Joined: 09-07-2002
Posts: 250
Marla, I very seldom come to the misc. boards, and have only infrequently posted on the other boards, but something drew me here today. I lost my Dad 11 years ago and always think of him more often this time of year. I remember our family struggles when I was young, and my Dad selling Christmas trees so we could have some presents. He was ill for a long time before he passed so I had a long time to think about our relationship. I gave my dads eulogy, and after reading for a few moments from a prepared statement I stopped and spoke from the heart words that summed up my relationship, and most parent and child relationships. I told everyone how much I hated them when I was growing up, because my Dad always out helping them so the time we had together was cuyt short. My father was was an incredible carpenter and knew a lot about all other aspects of the building trades. I told them how jealous I was of the time they spent with him that I didn't. I then went on to say that I forgave them for my jealousy because as I got older I learned a secret that came to sustain me when my father passed. Actually I learned this lesson from an episode of Star Trek. You see, our lives are actually a tapestry. Each memory, each touch, each encounter, adds a thread to that tapestry. Who you are, what you think, how you behave, is the sum total of all those threads. That is why no two people are exactly the same. The threads your father created began when you were born, and continued to the day he died. In short, your father will contine to live as long as you do. actually even longer since you pass some of your threads to your children and everyone you meet. In my case, I realized that when my father was doing things for others, in the brief time we were together he was showing me how to do them for myself. He'll always be a part of me, as your Dad will always be a part of you. I could go on for ever on this subject, but it would take you an eternity to read. I hope what I have said is some consolation to you, and that I haven't rambled too much. You will be in my families prayers this holiday season.
Phil.
E-Chick Offline
#39 Posted: Tue, Dec 24 2002, 9:11 PM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
Can't sleep...thought I'd check in...you guys are great and very insightful...I can't tell you how much this means to me...I'm so depressed and heartbroken, but your kind, encouraging words have help deeply...


Thank you!
jjohnson28 Offline
#40 Posted: Wed, Dec 25 2002, 12:09 AM EST
Joined: 09-12-2000
Posts: 7,914
Sorry to hear of your loss E,I've always been lousy at this and I do know how you feel.Take care,JJ
Slimboli Offline
#41 Posted: Wed, Dec 25 2002, 5:27 AM EST
Joined: 07-09-2000
Posts: 16,139
:-{
BMW Offline
#42 Posted: Wed, Dec 25 2002, 11:50 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 3,010
Deepest thougts and condolences go out to you and your family Marla.

Barry
eh3856 Offline
#43 Posted: Thu, Dec 26 2002, 1:36 PM EST
Joined: 07-27-2001
Posts: 258
Marla, Sorry to hear about your dad.My name is Ed I have posted a couple of times but I spend most of my time bidding and reading the postings. I too lost my Dad 4 years ago January 12. The loss never seems to go away put it does get easier.Try to believe that you will see him again.As corny as this may sound to some people I try to think of my fathers passing as a ship that is sailing off into the horizon slowly going out of view. You may not be able to see the ship anymore but you know that it is still there. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
joemar4 Offline
#44 Posted: Thu, Dec 26 2002, 4:25 PM EST
Joined: 10-08-2002
Posts: 87
My Deepest sympathies to you and your family. Keep your faith, be strong and know that all of us here share in your grief.

Take comfort in knowing he is now in a place where there is no more strokes, no more alzheimer's, no ill health at all. God Bless

Joe
rleaverton Offline
#45 Posted: Fri, Dec 27 2002, 10:49 AM EST
Joined: 09-11-2010
Posts: 273
Marla, my condolences to you and your family.
Ron
E-Chick Offline
#46 Posted: Wed, Jan 15 2003, 4:24 PM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
I've been endlessly trying to tie up lose ends and help my brother with finalizing plans this past week...

We will finally be able to give my dad his memorial service this Tuesday...it's been so hard not being able to have closure.

Unfortunately, due to the Military being on high alert, he may not be rendered the Military Honors that he deserves at the service...but I'm just happy to finally be able to close this chapter...I've been tremendously sad and can't stop grieving.

I wanted to let MAG, QBALL & EH3856 know how especially greatful I am for your wisdom and that I will be using some of your references in the Eulogy (that is IF I can handle it).

You all have been a great source of strength for me and I've come back to this thread time and time again...you'll never know how much it has truly meant to me, thank you!

Now, I promise I'll move on to much happier (or at least more jestful) topics!

Marla
RknRmnd Offline
#47 Posted: Wed, Jan 15 2003, 8:12 PM EST
Joined: 10-16-2001
Posts: 407
Marla, Take all the time you need. Loss is never easy no matter what the age. Just look inside yourself and draw strength from the relationship you know you had and the ones you have now. Continually tell yourself you need to be strong for others in your family, (brother, Mom,..) and you will! God Bless You..
RJ
rayder1 Offline
#48 Posted: Thu, Jan 16 2003, 5:38 PM EST
Joined: 06-02-2002
Posts: 2,226
Marla, my sincerest sympathy for your loss.

If you cannot find a way to get military honors from the military directly, contact your local Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW). They are usually willing to come out at a moments notice to give proper honors. At least that has been my experience here recently and 17 years ago when my dad passed away. The navy could not provide and honor guard, they reserve it for retired military not WWII veterans. VFW came out with an honor guard, bugler and flag ceremony.

Again, our prayers to you and your family.
kaikai1102 Offline
#49 Posted: Thu, Jan 16 2003, 7:48 PM EST
Joined: 12-05-2002
Posts: 153
Marla,

I just read this string today and I wanted to give you my condolences. My father passed away 5 yrs ago on the 23 of Dec in the Phillipine Islands from a stroke. My sister and I flew out 3 days later to be there for my mother and to make arrangements for the funeral. Three months earlier, my mother had come to visit us here in San Diego and told us that my father appeared to be doing well. He had survived 3 previous strokes but they had left him bed ridden and unable to communicate with anyone. Before my mother left to go back to the P.I., she told me that I should think about spending x-mas there so that I could see my father. I had not seen him since he left the U.S back in 92. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how much anguish I felt not having seen while he was still around and how big of a hole it has left in my soul. It's one of my own personal "what ifs?..."
From what I know of you (from your postings) I know that you're a beautiful, strong, and loving woman with a very big and beautiful heart to match, you're family is indeed blessed. I hope when you relive the memories that they make you smile and warm your heart. I wish you and your family the best.

Harvey a.k.a. "kaikai"
usahog Offline
#50 Posted: Thu, Jan 16 2003, 8:23 PM EST
Joined: 12-06-1999
Posts: 22,691
Marla, this is the first time I came across this post Tina and I are Very Sorry to hear of your Loss... Your Family will be in our Prayers...
I lost my Dad a few years back and to this day I still have good memories to carry me on...

if it is not to late here is a site to contact the VFW in your area they would be more than Happy I am sure to assist you and your Family...

http://www.vfwdc.org/NVS/sor.htm

if this site will not come up drop me an email and I will send you the Link page for the local one in your area... usahog at hotmail dot com

Russ (Hog)
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