EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY
8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mum! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY
Day 183 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction
I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
another houseplant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they
were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In
an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on
their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY
power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to
be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is
assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time...