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The way animals think...
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RDC Offline
#1 Posted: Thu, Jan 8 2004, 10:32 AM EST
Joined: 01-21-2000
Posts: 5,874
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY


8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mum! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY


Day 183 of my captivity.


My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction
I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
another houseplant.


Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they
were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In
an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on
their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.


There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY
power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to
be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is
assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time...

Homebrew Offline
#2 Posted: Thu, Jan 8 2004, 11:09 AM EST
Joined: 02-11-2003
Posts: 11,885
ROTFLMFAO,
Sounds like it could be my house.
Later
Dave (A.K.A. Homebrew)
E-Chick Offline
#3 Posted: Thu, Jan 8 2004, 11:11 AM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
Damn, don't make me laugh!

My 'new scar' still hurts...
RICKAMAVEN Offline
#4 Posted: Thu, Jan 8 2004, 11:50 AM EST
Joined: 10-01-2000
Posts: 33,248
that is worth copying, which i did and mailing to friends.
CWFoster Offline
#5 Posted: Thu, Jan 8 2004, 4:13 PM EST
Joined: 12-12-2003
Posts: 5,414
That's one of the best I've read in awhile!
contendertotes Offline
#6 Posted: Mon, Jan 12 2004, 8:40 AM EST
Joined: 11-12-2003
Posts: 784
RDC .......You win !! that is fantastic ! especially to those of us that have indoor cat's that seem to run the house ! it hit's home here !! thank's
rayder1 Offline
#7 Posted: Wed, Jan 14 2004, 2:11 PM EST
Joined: 06-02-2002
Posts: 2,226
Our cats think alike:

DAY 184 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.



dbguru Offline
#8 Posted: Thu, Jan 15 2004, 7:36 AM EST
Joined: 03-06-2002
Posts: 1,300
One day daddy dog took Boy dog out on a walk.

First thing they did was uncover a stash of bones which they gnawed on for half an hour.

Next they saw Fifi the poodle and she smelled ready for action. Daddy dog caught up with her and humped her doggy style with heavy panting and tongues hanging.

Daddy was hungry after all that action and went back home to go get some kibble.

Finally the two of them went back outside. Daddy thought he saw a fresh steak laying in the garden bed. Upon arriving they saw it was just a piece of bark, so Daddy dog lifted up his leg and pee'd on it.

Daddy dog turned to Boy dog and asked him, "Boy did you understand the important life lesson by my actions today?"

"I'm just a boy. Daddy what are you trying to teach me??"

"If you can't F*ck it or eat it.....PISS ON IT!!!!"


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