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Last post 21 years ago by Charlie. 45 replies replies.
Evil women
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eze Offline
#1 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 5:34 PM EST
Joined: 09-04-2002
Posts: 1,748
How come everytime my wife gets pissed at me she threatens my cigars? Well..this happened today. Left work for a couple of hours to drive home and lock my humidor. She later asked me why I lock my humidor. I said "because you can't be trusted". A couple hours go by and I'm notified by her that she "trashed" my humidor because she couldn't get to the cigars. Not satisfied, she ripped up my UCONN hoops season tickets (approx. valued at $900). Please...can everyone say a prayer for the contents of my humidor. To retaliate I think I'm going to glue her vibrator to the hood of her car and wipe my ass on her new dress. It only seems right.
jreddoch Offline
#2 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 5:39 PM EST
Joined: 12-30-2000
Posts: 1,309
Did that really happen? If so, that's really depressing.
Todog Offline
#3 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 5:40 PM EST
Joined: 05-05-2001
Posts: 804
Nothing like a good old happy marriage!
BMW Offline
#4 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 5:41 PM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 3,010
Get a Cigar Caddy.

Barry
eze Offline
#5 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 5:43 PM EST
Joined: 09-04-2002
Posts: 1,748
Oh yes..this is all true. A 300 ct. humidor operating at full capacity.
jreddoch Offline
#6 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 6:07 PM EST
Joined: 12-30-2000
Posts: 1,309
Just out of curiosity, what started the fight?
xibbumbero Offline
#7 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 6:08 PM EST
Joined: 01-25-2002
Posts: 12,535
Sounds about fair trade to me. BTW,I'd get a different place to store your gars and just bring home a 3 finger cigar case to last you for the day and or night. X
jd1 Offline
#8 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 6:12 PM EST
Joined: 02-14-2001
Posts: 3,118
Please post pics of that car! ROTFLMAO !!
Fubar69 Offline
#9 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 6:14 PM EST
Joined: 04-02-2001
Posts: 325
I love it when a plan comes together...69
eze Offline
#10 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 6:17 PM EST
Joined: 09-04-2002
Posts: 1,748
Does it matter who started the goddamned fight? I'm talking super premiums here...completely helpless..at the hands of a raving lunatic. Opus...Hemingway..Ashton VSG...Cubans...Cohiba EV...Don Carlos...Etc. Etc.
The hoop tickets I can replace at no cost..but the gars are another story. I'll be home in a couple hours to survey the damage. I should of mail ordered a wife instead. A nice 17 yr. old Thai girl with out a thought in her head and no cammand of the English language. Now thats a women you marry.
RICKAMAVEN Offline
#11 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 6:23 PM EST
Joined: 10-01-2000
Posts: 33,248
i hope you guys don't have any kids. judging from what appears to be your interaction, probably no way it could happen.
justforfun Offline
#12 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 6:26 PM EST
Joined: 03-06-2002
Posts: 797
Ouch!! Very depressing.
Fubar69 Offline
#13 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 6:30 PM EST
Joined: 04-02-2001
Posts: 325
I guess someone should give him adroomi's email so he can pick up eze's next wife...69
eze Offline
#14 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 6:37 PM EST
Joined: 09-04-2002
Posts: 1,748
Okay...so she caught me screwing her sister. Still doesn't make it right. Actually..this whole argument took place over the phone. We rarely fight and never in front of the kids. And I didn't screw her sister..it was only her step-sister and we were really loaded and I destroyed the video.
RICKAMAVEN Offline
#15 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 6:57 PM EST
Joined: 10-01-2000
Posts: 33,248
call jerry springer. he wants you guys.
emgjet Offline
#16 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 7:40 PM EST
Joined: 11-28-2001
Posts: 1,231
Right is right and wrong is wrong, but the cigars were totally helpless....please try to salvage those Don Carlos, and next time, keep a small Humi hidden somewhere.
dhofer22 Offline
#17 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 10:22 PM EST
Joined: 04-14-2002
Posts: 192
HOLLY SH*T I am a 21-year-old college student and this is the best entertainment I have had all week. WOW, I bet she was hot!! AND YOU MADE A TAPE, YOU’RE THE MAN!!!!

But for real, good luck with everything! Just keep in mind you married her for some reason and yall can work it out.
dhofer22 Offline
#18 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 10:23 PM EST
Joined: 04-14-2002
Posts: 192
OH if she lays a finger on anything ashton send her my way i will take care of her sapanos style!!
drw2659 Offline
#19 Posted: Thu, Nov 14 2002, 11:57 PM EST
Joined: 04-07-2008
Posts: 89
**** I thought I had a bad day finding out that I might take a cut In pay. hope I won't see this in the news wife killed over cigars ,but a I am sorry to say I am in tears over this it is so sad it is funny .Being single I some times feel sad, that I don’t have a wife/ girlfriend ,Times like this I am glad I got cats . And I can smoke when I want what I want .But Family Is Important and you should be saying sorry you may not be wrong but you will win In the long run trust me It Is no fun being a lone, But I here you she should not have destroy your stuff , So I would do some good ass kissing and try to get out of the dog house ,yaya I know may be I should mind my own P’s and Q’S but I had to respond to this I hope you can save your cigars and your marriage Good luck man and Please let us know what happens and lets try to get a long you love here you married her and have a Family so I know you still love her . But thanks you made my night with this, If you want some advice feel free to ask there are a lot of very nice people in this forum, Who would love to help. I know I have some training In the field, Sorry to ramble but I hate to see sad things In a Family.
I hope you still have some good gars left,


Sincerely Daniel Weiss

Slimboli Offline
#20 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 3:54 AM EST
Joined: 07-09-2000
Posts: 16,139
No sympathy from me ... you got what you deserved.

Infidelity in a marriage is not acceptable (IMHO), or you might as well not be married. You agreed to this when you said 'I do' ... and broke the biggest bond (and probably the most important one) you two could ever have ... trust.

... now live with he consequences of your actions.

Something as petty as a material items (like cigars) are the least of your problems right now ...

... just my 2¢
plabonte Offline
#21 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 4:14 AM EST
Joined: 09-11-2000
Posts: 2,131
Consider yourself lucky. Cigars can be replaced. At least she didn't "Bobit-ize" you. At least not yet.
vf41266 Offline
#22 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 4:38 AM EST
Joined: 04-01-2002
Posts: 42
GET A LAWYER.....And take Boli's words to heart. If what you say is true, then your cigars are the least of your problems.
eleltea Offline
#23 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 4:49 AM EST
Joined: 03-03-2002
Posts: 4,562
I musta missed a few posts. DWeiss got a spellchecker?
Mr_Vance Offline
#24 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 6:10 AM EST
Joined: 08-11-2002
Posts: 165
Please send me her step sister's phone number.
WSUCoug Offline
#25 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 6:13 AM EST
Joined: 04-27-2002
Posts: 103
I would like some more information on these mail order brides.
fgruben Offline
#26 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 6:29 AM EST
Joined: 06-22-2001
Posts: 383
really eze, i would say, staying alive and married to your wife would be getting even enough. you can always get more tickets. ok, maybe the 'gars getting trashed is a little much, but people can do some silly things when aroused.
SteveS Offline
#27 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 6:43 AM EST
Joined: 01-13-2002
Posts: 8,751
WOW!!!

(other than that, just shaking my head and finding myself speechless)
sammydaddy Offline
#28 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 7:06 AM EST
Joined: 10-29-2001
Posts: 201
Get the number to a good counselor, and get a gun to defend yourself!
Charlie Offline
#29 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 7:25 AM EST
Joined: 06-16-2002
Posts: 39,751
For the record Sopranos is spelled with an O not an A!

Now, is this for real.....agree with Rick, call Jerry Springer or Dr Phil and get on Trash television! The sister thing will always send them into orbit!

Good luck and I hope she doesn't just destroy your humidor and all its contents!

Or you can send the gars my way, and pretend she destroyed them!

Charlie
E-Chick Offline
#30 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 9:08 AM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
Somehow, I don't think you really did the bad deed...DID YOU!!!??? I think it's all for added drama to the story...

But I was thinking that the title of this thread shouldn't have been "Evil women"...but instead "P.O.S. Husband"...if you REALLY did it!

But then I realized that IF you did the nasty with your wife's relative (even a "step" relative is still related), well then SHE is indeed an evil woman to betray her step-sister...no excuses from you...only time and MAJOR apologies (which might include very well thought out, meaningful offering) from you.

As for the sister, well, ****, I'd just have to beat her ass. She'd be so ugly that NOBODY would ever want her again. Yes, I advocate violence when warranted. And this IMO is extremely warranted...go ahead, flame me on this one. Frankly, that's just the way it is.

If you are more concerned about your cigars than anything else here, you can send your humi to me and I'll baby it along...another thing, since she likes to hit it where it hurts, maybe you could retaliate by cutting up her credit cards. Ok, she can always get replacements, but what a hassle! You too can be replaced! LOL!

As far as the car goes...did you ever see The Tom Green show where he painted the hood of his mom's car with a lesbo scene? Pretty funny!

Better behave buddy!
Mr_Vance Offline
#31 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 11:49 AM EST
Joined: 08-11-2002
Posts: 165
Does Mr_Vance really need the phone number....he seems pretty happy...he has a humi+ full of fine cigars and a smile on his face.....His Kat
eze Offline
#32 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 2:29 PM EST
Joined: 09-04-2002
Posts: 1,748
Returned home from work last night. My humidor was MIA. Fortunately, my wife is awful at hiding things. When I found them so cleverly hidden in her closet, I unlocked my box finding everything in perfect order (although Don Carlos #2 looked a little shaken). Her sister? Come on...I'm not that much of a scumbag. Things have returned to normal although I'm still planning my counter attack this weekend. BTW, I've fitted my **** with a Punch Prince Consort tube in case she gets any unnatural urges to lop it off.
Spiny Norman Offline
#33 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 2:54 PM EST
Joined: 09-04-2002
Posts: 899
"BTW, I've fitted my **** with a Punch Prince Consort tube"
.
Looks like everything is back to normal in the eze household.
Mr.Mean Offline
#34 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 3:19 PM EST
Joined: 05-16-2001
Posts: 3,025
Sleep with one eye open
550025 Offline
#35 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 3:33 PM EST
Joined: 08-08-2001
Posts: 153
...and your hand on your tube.
E-Chick Offline
#36 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 5:31 PM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
Yeah, sleep with the one eyed monster open...
rookie139 Offline
#37 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 5:37 PM EST
Joined: 03-02-2000
Posts: 2,149
My wife once told me if I ever cheat on her (which I would never do), she would pour a bottle of vinegar in my humidor..LOL...She said it kiddingly of course (right Honey?....uh....riiiight??)

Keith
aberdeen Offline
#38 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 5:41 PM EST
Joined: 06-11-1999
Posts: 741
put some ky jelly in the tube and enjoy the moment.

I am happily married with kids and all that, but was thinking the other day if I was single with no kids I would be filthy rich, it's amazing how much a family can drain the profits when looking at the numbers.
hegemonic Offline
#39 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 5:57 PM EST
Joined: 01-17-2000
Posts: 1,294
Probably THE FUNNIEST cigar-related post I have ever seen! Thank you ez-e for the entertainment :) BTW, I find this to be a well executed joke, but I hope that's all it is, because if it's not, then, dude, you gots PROBLEMS :)
rayder1 Offline
#40 Posted: Fri, Nov 15 2002, 10:44 PM EST
Joined: 06-02-2002
Posts: 2,226
I keep a bulk of my stash in tupperware marked "Fishing Tackle". The wife never has looked at them or asked about them. They live in the garage happily unmolested. My little humidor is on the "A" list of kindling if I ever tick her off enough.

I don't have to worry. She really isn't destructive, but she can sure can make me pay in other ways.
HHEAVEN Offline
#41 Posted: Mon, Nov 18 2002, 7:00 AM EST
Joined: 04-14-2002
Posts: 74
And the moral of the story boys & girls is ...it's a rare piece of *%$# that's worth losing your premiums over.
Charlie Offline
#42 Posted: Mon, Nov 18 2002, 9:01 AM EST
Joined: 06-16-2002
Posts: 39,751
I am sorry, but after re-reading this post for the umpteenth time, I think the entire thing was another of the CB jokes! At least I hope it was.........pretty good one ez-e!

Charlie
bud451 Offline
#43 Posted: Mon, Nov 18 2002, 9:10 AM EST
Joined: 09-11-2010
Posts: 2,237
Lesbians that drink....next on Heraldo
Mr.Mean Offline
#44 Posted: Mon, Nov 18 2002, 9:42 AM EST
Joined: 05-16-2001
Posts: 3,025
Amazing babies that cry rocks!
eze Offline
#45 Posted: Mon, Nov 18 2002, 1:16 PM EST
Joined: 09-04-2002
Posts: 1,748
Homosexuals in Des Moines, Iowa building landing strips for gay martians.
Charlie Offline
#46 Posted: Mon, Nov 18 2002, 1:18 PM EST
Joined: 06-16-2002
Posts: 39,751
Wierdos using cigars for sex toys in day to day practices! They also state that they did not have sexual relationships with that woman!

Charlie
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