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A young country bumpkin priest graduated from a small seminary that was located out "in the sticks".
His first assignment was at a large church in Chicago.
A few days, he was scheduled to hear his first confessions.
After about 10 minutes, a guy enters the confessional and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned."
What are your sins?", the priest asks.
"Well, Father . . . I was downtown this past weekend, and I spent $10 for a BJ."
Being the bumpkin that he was, the priest had no idea of what the guy was talking about, so he just said,
"Okay my son . . . Say 5 Hail Mary's, 5 Our Father's, and put $5 in the collection box."
The guy did this, and went on his merry way.
About a half hour later, another guy enters the confessional and has the same confession.
Again, the priest, being naive, tells him the same thing. 5 Hail Mary's, 5 Our Father's, and $5 in the box.
A short time later a THIRD guy enters and confesses the same thing. Once again, the priest repeats the instructions.
When confessions were done, the priest , while walking back to his room, passes Mother Superior in the hall.
His curiosity is driving him crazy, so he says, "Excuse me, Mother Superior, but may I ask you a question?"
"Yes, Father. What is your question ?", she replies.
The priest asks, 'What is a BJ ?
Mother superior says, "$10, Father, Just like downtown !"

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair...!!