I guess this one belongs here as well.................
OVEREAGER, CANADA SENDS SMOKESCREEN OVER U.S. BEFORE CANADIAN INVASION PLANS FINISHED
Canada Also Discloses It Has Invaded U.S. 113 Times, But No One Has Noticed
Ottawa (SatireWire.com) — Embarrassed Canadian generals today conceded an
overzealous officer defied orders and started fires in Quebec to shroud the eastern seaboard in smoke before Canada had finished preparing its full-scale invasion of the United States.
As a result, the classic war maneuver of blinding the enemy in advance of an attack — the smoke now blankets American skies as far south as Washington, D.C. — was wasted, said Canada's Defence Chief, Lt. Gen. Ray Henault.
"We were supposed to line up on the border, thenstart the fires," said a clearly disheartened Henault. "It's not like we can do it again. They'll know it's us. I had a cute little house in the Poconos all picked out, too."
However, several members of Canada's Parliament were furious, and demanded to know why, despite decades of secret planning, the invasion forces were not ready. In response, Deputy Prime Minister John Manley explained that the Canadian military was waiting for approval.
"Whenever we engage in a military operation, and certainly one of this magnitude, we look
to our U.S. allies for guidance," said Manley.
"But... but we were going to invade the U.S.," said Toronto MP Tony Ianno.
"Oh, ah," said Manley.
With the botched invasion now public, Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien scrambled to
diffuse anger in Washington. Fortunately, his explanation to President Bush has so far
succeeded in deflecting American ire. "He told me the smoke wasn't from Quebec," said
Bush. "He said it was from al Quebec. Damn, those guys are everywhere."
Despite the lack of surprise, many Canadians have urged the military to push on, arguing
that if they can't take the U.S. by force, they can at least sneak into Detroit and take back
the Stanley Cup. Gen. Henault, however, urged restraint, noting that Canada has only
70,000 people in its armed forces, while the U.S. has 2 million. That revelation raised
eyebrows among several MPs.
"So, if we are short by about 1.9 million soldiers, how, exactly, were we going to pull this invasion off?" asked Ontario MP John Godfrey.
"Were we just going to use smoke?"
"And mirrors," said Henault. "Lots and lots of mirrors."
"Well, like I said, the plan wasn't finished," he added.
Meanwhile, Stan Keyes, MP for Hamilton West, suggested Canadians use the ash cover to hide from Washington until relations return to normal. Godrey, however, argued such an effort was unnecessary. "We're in Canada," he said.
"Most Americans can't find us now."
Copyright © 2002, SatireWire.
