Irish Toast
John O’Riley was a member of an Irish Toast Masters Club. One Evening at the local Irish Toast Masters meeting, a contest was held to see who could deliver the best toast. Well, John O’Riley won the contest for the best toast of the evening:
“Here’s to the best years o’ me life, spent between the legs o’ me wife.”
When John O’Riley arrived home his beautiful wife asked him how the Toast Masters meeting went and he said, “I won the contest for the best toast of the evening.”
His wife then asked him what his toast was, and he said, “Here’s to the best years o’ me life, spent in Church wi’ me wife.”
His wife then said, “Why John, that’s so nice of you to include me in your toast.”
The next morning, Mrs. O’Riley was downtown shopping and ran into the local policeman on the beat who was also at the Toast Masters meeting with her husband.
He said, “Hello Mrs. O’Riley, that was some great toast that your husband John gave at the Toast Masters meeting last evening. He won first prize”.
“Yes, that’s right,” said Mrs. O’Riley, “but he wasn’t quite honest with the facts: he’s only been there twice, the first time he fell asleep and the second time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her so she decided to seek the medical expertise of her doctor.
Her doctor recommended that she see the well-known Chinese sex therapist, so off she went to see Dr Chang.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose."
The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room."
Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."
So she did.
Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates".
Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied,
"Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
Today's Ebonic word from the Louisiana Public School System: OMELETTE
Let's use it in a sentence .
"I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide."
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar.
But what the heck, he says to himself, "I really want a drink." When the Gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your ****?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your ****.
Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers because 'It really satisfies'."
The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left,
who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?" The man looks back
and says with a smile "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella
proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call yours?" The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?" Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think
for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my **** is SECRET.
Now give me a beer." The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A
WOMAN!"
