Saw this on ESPN.com and thought it interesting in view of the absurd over-reactions to the incidents in Saturday's Game 3 of the ALCS ... a bit long, but well worth reading, IMHO
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Theatre of the Absurd
By Jim Caple
ESPN.com
BOSTON -- The Red Sox responded quickly to Saturday's ninth-inning brawl, declaring that for tonight's Game 4 they will cut off beer sales in the Yankees bullpen after the seventh inning.
About what happened in the Yankees' bullpen Saturday, the stories remain wildly different. According to the Red Sox, the Yankees' relievers tied a homeless Salvation Army Santa to the back of their bullpen cart and dragged him down Lansdowne Street until his flesh had been ripped from his back. Jeff Nelson, meanwhile, maintains that he and the rest of the New York relievers were sitting in the bullpen reading the Bible when a drunk Ted Kennedy unleashed six hungry Doberman Pinschers on them.
And that's pretty much the way it is in this series, the ultimate reality show. The Yankees' view is that the Red Sox are a bunch of undisciplined losers who throw beanballs when they're not beating up senior citizens. The Red Sox view is that Yankees are a bunch of pompous liars who beat up harmless bullpen workers when they're not blindsiding their starting pitcher.
My dictation skills are a little rusty, but here is my complete transcript from Sunday's interview sessions with team representatives.
YANKEES: Oh, yeah?
RED SOX: Yeah!
YANKEES: Oh, yeah?
RED SOX: Yeah!
YANKEES: Oh, yeah?
RED SOX: Yeah!
Actually, that's not the complete transcript. The two teams also said some things that were a little childish.
Thank God for Sunday's rainout. If there had actually been a game played, we would have had to write about that instead of what everyone is still most interested in -- Saturday's Game 3 and the latest insults and challenges in the great Red Sox-Yankees rivalry.
Reporters keep peppering team representatives about what an embarrassment Saturday was, using terms like "disappointment" and "black eye," but I don't know what the hell they're talking about. This isn't an embarrassment. This is a wonderful thing for baseball. This is going to drive ratings through the roof, and FOX knows it. That's why they keep hyping what happened in their promos. That replay of the Pedro Martinez-Don Zimmer affair is on TV more than "Law and Order'' reruns.
Look, I'm a baseball purist, but Saturday was the most entertaining thing I've seen on a baseball field since Nuke LaLoosh drilled the mascot in the head with a pitch.
While I wouldn't want to see games like Saturday's every night, I can't stop laughing about that Pedro-Zimmer bit. And I can't wait for tonight's game, if only to see who goes to the Yankees' bullpen first, Joe Torre or the Boston police.
***** Hold on -- we interrupt this column for this breaking news: Boston police detectives say Nelson and Karim Garcia are holed up in a North End warehouse. They have the place surrounded and will make their arrests just as soon as it is least convenient for the Yankees.*****
With everyone desperate for more on Saturday's drama, commissioner Bud Selig lowered the cone of silence, telling each team's executives that they were not to answer questions about the incidents. Minutes after Torre revealed this directive, the entire Red Sox ownership group -- God bless 'em -- walked into the interview room and blatantly violated the gag order with a long news conference about many of the day's events.
When major-league officials got wind of this, the league's chief PR person rushed into the interview room and gestured for the Red Sox to shut up, leave the podium and explain themselves to him right now. And he did it in full view of the media.
And then Yankees president Randy Levine issued a press release, saying because the Red Sox talked the Yankees now wanted to issue a statement. And their statement was that they stood by their earlier comments and had nothing more to say.
(Those last three paragraphs, by the way, are true. You can't make stuff like that up.)
Here's the scenario as we head into Game 4. Bud is mad at the Red Sox owners. The Red Sox owners are upset with Yankees president Randy Levine. Levine is outraged at the Red Sox groundskeepers and security forces. The Yankees' players dislike the Red Sox players, and the Red Sox players dislike the Yankees. The fans hate each other.
And pretty much everyone is angry with Pedro, including New York mayor Michael Bloomberg, who wants him arrested. Not that anyone is blowing all this out of proportion.
Zimmer apologized for his part in the Pedro rumble, saying he was embarrassed for the Yankees, the Red Sox, the fans, the umpires and his family. He did not, however, apologize for burning out the Red Sox lineup and blowing a 12-game lead as Boston's manager in 1978. So, Boston fans still think he's a gerbil.
But his emotional (though vague) apology was far more than Pedro was willing to do. Asked whether he thought Pedro and Zimmer might meet to sort things out, Torre replied, "I don't think so,'' with the same tone as if he'd been asked whether George Steinbrenner might donate all his money to charity.
This just in: Pedro says that when he pointed at his head and shouted to Jorge Posada, he only meant to compliment him on his stylish haircut.
How will this latest chapter in the Boston-New York rivalry end? How will Pedro be viewed by baseball fans? How will all this ultimately play around the nation?
The bottom line is this: If the Red Sox win this series, they'll be viewed as a bunch of swaggering, fun-loving cowboys who don't care about their public image. If they lose, they'll be viewed as a bunch of whining poor sports. And the Yankees will be viewed as the ultimate source of evil no matter what they do.
And now if you'll excuse me, I need to get to the store to buy a new tape recorder before tonight's pregame festivities: a tag-team match with Zimmer and Phil Rizzuto wrestling Johnny Pesky and Ted Williams' head.
