America's #1 Online Cigar Auction
first, best, biggest!

Last post 20 years ago by contendertotes. 12 replies replies.
new to me, thought it might amuse others as well
contendertotes Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 11-12-2003
Posts: 784
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their own moonshine operations.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a few seconds, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says

"Kin ya swaller?"

The woman shakes her head no.

"Kin ya breathe?"

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back

of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her butt cheek a lap with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says "Ya know, I'd heard of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver", but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"

kccody Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 03-19-2007
Posts: 610
That was funny!!
contendertotes Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 11-12-2003
Posts: 784
Redneck humor.....gotta love it !!
contendertotes Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 11-12-2003
Posts: 784
Ran across this,
Look what happens when a President gets elected in a year with a "0" at the end. notice it goes in increments of 20 years.
1840: William Henry Harrison (died in office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield (assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (died in office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (dies in office)
1960: John F. Kennedy (assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (survived assassination attempt)
2000: George W. Bush ????????????
And to think that we had two guys fighting it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000.

You might also be interested in this.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford'.
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford'.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker.......
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
JonR Offline
#5 Posted:
Joined: 02-19-2002
Posts: 9,740
Yo Contendertotes: " A week before Kennedy was was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe. ", shouldn't that be " A week before Kennedy was shot, he was " IN " Marilyn Monroe ". LOL JonR
contendertotes Offline
#6 Posted:
Joined: 11-12-2003
Posts: 784
you are correct sir!!! since lincoln was in monroe maryland......that would definatly make kennedy in marilyn monroe !!!! Ha!! :-) thank you for the error there !!
RDC Offline
#7 Posted:
Joined: 01-21-2000
Posts: 5,874
Yes and his fat ass brother murdered Mary Jo Kapecknie (sp) and got away with it
contendertotes Offline
#8 Posted:
Joined: 11-12-2003
Posts: 784
here's another.........
While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction and there's nothing you can do about it.
Now, don't you feel silly trying it over and over and thinking you can do it and you can’t???
SteveS Offline
#9 Posted:
Joined: 01-13-2002
Posts: 8,751
No problem here with foot continuing in clockwise circle ... maybe the actual "gotcha" is that I was willing to try it and say so ... LOl
contendertotes Offline
#10 Posted:
Joined: 11-12-2003
Posts: 784
MAN YOUR GOOD! IF YOUR STILL DOING THE CLOCKWISE CIRCLES AND DOING THE FIGURE 6.....AND TYPING THAT YOUR STILL DOING IT !! SUPER FANTASTIC !!! I GOTTA RETRY THIS (:-)>~
contendertotes Offline
#11 Posted:
Joined: 11-12-2003
Posts: 784
Give the man a cigar !!.....please !!!
Lazygardner Offline
#12 Posted:
Joined: 08-20-2002
Posts: 176
Hey contendertotes, you had me going about the Kennedy- Lincoln thing until I got to the end and saw your "kicker" about Marilyn Monroe being with JFK a week before the assination. She died in August 1962, fifteen months before Kennedy died 11/22/63... was the other parts made up too? I think they're calling it urban legends these days.
contendertotes Offline
#13 Posted:
Joined: 11-12-2003
Posts: 784
Probably....i just saw it and it struck me funny with the comparisons . but i think "most of it" is correct. they have this historical coin board that has a lincoln penny on it and it lists all types of similar thing between lincoln and kennedy.....just a little bit of humor. ;-)
Users browsing this topic
Guest