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Last post 20 years ago by ferd6. 25 replies replies.
Who said that God didn't have a sense of humor?
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E-Chick Offline
#1 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 4:03 PM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
MrsUSAHOG and Liz my like this one:


Eve chats with God... "Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this
beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals,
as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just
not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall
create a man for you."

"Man? What is that Lord?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard
time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will like to
hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he is
aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll
create him in such a way that he will satisfy your
physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in
childish things like fighting and kicking a ball
about. He won't be too smart, so he will also need
your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised
eyebrows, "but what's the catch Lord?"

"Well.....you can have him on one condition."

"And what's that Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and
self-admiring.....so you'll have to let him believe
that I made him first. And it will have to be our
little secret..............You know, woman to woman"



Be Happy!

Marla

ps. for the record...I don't really think God is a woman...but let's just go with it for the sake of the story, LOL!
JonR Offline
#2 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 5:15 PM EST
Joined: 02-19-2002
Posts: 9,740
What people don't seem to realize is God can be anyone or anything, because God is God. JonR
nfldraftman Offline
#3 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 5:50 PM EST
Joined: 01-28-2004
Posts: 642
Yes, but a recent poll on CNN (so it must be accurate -ahem-) showed a strong majority of people believed that every word in the bible is true.

Now that said, I agree with JonR completely. God is many things to many people. Which leads to differences of opinion, arguments and war. Which makes me wonder why God can't be all things to all people? If people (of just about all religions) were less possessive about God the world would be a more peaceful place.

I have no idea why I am so reflective tonight. I need a smoke and a beer. Maybe it will go away.
usahog Offline
#4 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:06 PM EST
Joined: 12-06-1999
Posts: 22,691
nfl.. God created all men equal (Women also) and then left it to us to fend for ourselves... from there he views and watches over.. and LHAO I am sure at the stupid mistakes we all make day to day!!!!

Hog
nfldraftman Offline
#5 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:11 PM EST
Joined: 01-28-2004
Posts: 642
hog my criticism was not of God, but of people. When I said why can't God be all things to all people, I meant it from our point of view not his. I believe that God has indeed made (Insert favorite pronoun here) all things to all people. It is the people who have jealously coveted their own idea of God to the point they are willing to kill, slander, or shun those whose idea of God is different.
usahog Offline
#6 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:16 PM EST
Joined: 12-06-1999
Posts: 22,691
nfl I understood your post?? sorry if mine came off wrong...

just got done watching the PBS special and had a couple beers and I'm also 3 hrs past my bed time LOL...
I missed my nap this afternoon after work..

again sorry if I came off harsh..

Hog
nfldraftman Offline
#7 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:21 PM EST
Joined: 01-28-2004
Posts: 642
I didn't take it as harsh at all. I just read it as you saw my post differently than I intended. And if I was wrong, sorry about that! It happens when you just type in words! Have another three for me, I'm stuck at work. (And working my cajones off as you can tell by the number of posts tonight).
Mrs. Usahog Offline
#8 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:25 PM EST
Joined: 02-06-2003
Posts: 405
Man cannot live by bread alone....they have to have a woman bake it for them. LOL All in humor guys...don't take it personal.


Mrs. Usahog
nfldraftman Offline
#9 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:31 PM EST
Joined: 01-28-2004
Posts: 642
you know, there's a snappy retort for that somewhere, but I can't think of a thing!
usahog Offline
#10 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:36 PM EST
Joined: 12-06-1999
Posts: 22,691
LMAO watch out for her nfl.. she's in one of her redheaded moods tonight!!!!!

Hog
Mrs. Usahog Offline
#11 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:41 PM EST
Joined: 02-06-2003
Posts: 405
Yea Hog you wish :-))))


Mrs. Hog
nfldraftman Offline
#12 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:41 PM EST
Joined: 01-28-2004
Posts: 642
Oh trust me, I want no part of the missus. I typed in a few things and then said to myself. Self, time to shut up.
usahog Offline
#13 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:44 PM EST
Joined: 12-06-1999
Posts: 22,691
LOL Naa she's a big girl.. she's a preachers kid.... who married a harley rider... guess she wanted to expand her religions LOL

Hog
Mrs. Usahog Offline
#14 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:46 PM EST
Joined: 02-06-2003
Posts: 405
Good man nfldraftman....Trained and tamed!!


LMAO!!! Just kidding!

Mrs. Usahog

gorob23 Offline
#15 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:51 PM EST
Joined: 05-11-2003
Posts: 2,323
Marla if I can make to your place I am not standing too close to you...I don't want to be struck by lighting :)
Amen Rob
nfldraftman Offline
#16 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:53 PM EST
Joined: 01-28-2004
Posts: 642
Yeah...too bad it makes me miserable.
usahog Offline
#17 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 6:54 PM EST
Joined: 12-06-1999
Posts: 22,691
LOL Rob...

Hog
jjohnson28 Offline
#18 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 8:23 PM EST
Joined: 09-12-2000
Posts: 7,914
Well ya know why god made womens feet smaller than a mans?
























So's you could stand closer to the sink while your doin the dshes...LOL
















Mary just loves that joke!














Not! LOL
Mrs. Usahog Offline
#19 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 8:30 PM EST
Joined: 02-06-2003
Posts: 405
JJ, it's past your bed time too!!!


Mrs. Usahog
choner Offline
#20 Posted: Thu, Feb 26 2004, 9:11 PM EST
Joined: 02-04-2003
Posts: 876
Have you heard this one...

A man walks into his bedroom and finds his wife all hot and naked on their bed. His wife looks at him with an eager eye and says, "Come here and make me feel like a real woman!" So the man takes off all his clothes and throws it at her and says, "Go wash um."

choner
plabonte Offline
#21 Posted: Fri, Feb 27 2004, 4:26 AM EST
Joined: 09-11-2000
Posts: 2,131
And now the REAL story

Adam was sitting around in the Garden of Eden and was rather unhappy. God noticed this and said "ADAM WHAT IS WRONG?". "Well God," Adam replied "I really like this paradise that you made for me and all. The food is great, the weather is perfect, and the view is spectacular. But truth be told I'm lonely." "FEAR NOT ADAM. I SHALL CREATE FOR YOU YOUR PERFECT MATE. SHE WILL BE BEAUTIFUL BEYOND WORDS AND THAT BEAUTY WILL NEVER FADE. SHE WILL BE AT YOUR BECK AND CALL AND WILL DO ALL THAT YOU ASK. SHE WILL FULFIL YOUR EVERY DESIRE AND NEVER SAY NO TO YOUR URGES. SHE WILL KNOW WHEN YOU NEED COMPANIONSHIP AND WHEN YOU NEED TO BE ALONE AND WILL NEVER DISTURB YOU WHEN YOU DON'T WANT HER TO. SHE WILL BE HAPPY AND CHEERFUL EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE MONTH AND HER MOOD WILL BE VERY EVEN. AND SHE WILL BE EVERYTHING YOU WANT AND MORE. SHE WILL KNOW WHEN TO SPEAK AND WHEN TO BE SILENT" "That's great God. But what is this all going to cost me?" "FOR SUCH A PERFECT CREATURE I WILL NEED FROM YOU ONE LEG, ONE ARM, ONE EYE, AND ONE TESTICLE." "Testicle!!!! I don't know about that God. Say, what could I get for a rib?"
Liz62803 Offline
#22 Posted: Fri, Feb 27 2004, 6:13 AM EST
Joined: 01-21-2004
Posts: 2,921
waves HI to Mrs USA Hog! nice to meet you!!!!
Mrs. Usahog Offline
#23 Posted: Fri, Feb 27 2004, 6:29 AM EST
Joined: 02-06-2003
Posts: 405
Hi Liz :-)))

Nice to meet you too!!

Mrs. Hog
Liz62803 Offline
#24 Posted: Fri, Feb 27 2004, 7:19 AM EST
Joined: 01-21-2004
Posts: 2,921
So what is some of your favorite 'gars Mrs USA Hog?? I really enjoy the flavored/sweet cigars like the CAO flavors. I also enjoy the mild ones as well - like Gran Habanas, Astrals, Montecristos, Macanudos, to name a few :-)
CanyonDVM Offline
#25 Posted: Fri, Feb 27 2004, 10:08 AM EST
Joined: 10-26-2002
Posts: 259
SEXIST!!!!
ferd6 Offline
#26 Posted: Fri, Feb 27 2004, 1:47 PM EST
Joined: 10-19-2001
Posts: 1,145
..i guess that means that - 'how many men does it take to open a beer? None, it should already be open when the woman brings it to him!' - -is bad too..(sigh)..oh well....
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