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Last post 22 years ago by aberdeen. 26 replies replies.
pressure from the mrs.
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aberdeen Offline
#1 Posted: Fri, Dec 14 2001, 5:44 PM EST
Joined: 06-11-1999
Posts: 741
I new it was only a matter of time, so I was prepared. Last night my wife told me to stop smoking cigars in a year, using the argument usually resevered for liberals the "what about the children" nonsense, in this case our two kids. It is very hard to convince most people to objectively look at the dangers and non dangers of cigars with so much anti tobacco rhetoric that is prevalent these days. It is also very hard to discuss a matter with someone that is emotionaly charged. You can talk about all the scientific studies you want but none of it will satisfy the argument about their kids having a father when older. But for me the key was not to let her see any cracks in my armor, I didn't budge and flat out refused, probably the first time in our marriage that I wasn't willing to negotiate or compromise, as I know if I do compromise, the issue will continue and more pressure will continue to be applied until finally I do stop. We have only had one real argument in our entire marriage prior to this, this one wasn't an argument as I refused to discuss it at length knowing nothing I would say would change her perception about the danger of cigars. So later she voiced that she was disappointed that I wouldn't listen to what she was saying and I said the same thing to her, and it ended there. I have the feeling she will prod for openings for a little while longer and when I still won't budge give up the attempt, ending with trying to make me feel guilty. Maybe eventually I can gradually influence her of in my opinion the minimal risk of having one cigar a day. But it is very difficult to overcome the propaganda campaign against tobacco, it is always one sided, and any dissident views are easily discarded as being sponsored or in the pay of big tobacco.
RICKAMAVEN Offline
#2 Posted: Fri, Dec 14 2001, 6:30 PM EST
Joined: 10-01-2000
Posts: 33,248
YOU ARE HENPECKED!
woodbutchr Offline
#3 Posted: Fri, Dec 14 2001, 6:43 PM EST
Joined: 11-17-2001
Posts: 115
Aberdeen, you won't like this buddy, but listen to your wife (because she won't stop once she starts, and has a valid point). After 35+ years of four and a half packs of cigs per day and now 7-8 cigars a day to quit the cigs, tobacco contributing to both of my parents deaths, my efforts to stop my 15 year old from smoking, the fact that my kids only put up with my cigars to quit cigarettes, I know what you are talking about from both sides.

I love this site and I love a good cigar, but tobacco is not healthy. PERIOD.

Good luck



I hope you two can work this out, a FAMILY is more important than smoke.
Todog Offline
#4 Posted: Fri, Dec 14 2001, 8:31 PM EST
Joined: 05-05-2001
Posts: 804
I don't mean to oversimplify the issue, but is anything safe in our world today? The food we eat, the air we breathe....it seems that for every study that comes out to rip something, another study comes out to counter the original study. I say live and enjoy life as if there is tomorrow and forget about what if! No! I have not been drinking!!!!
Mr.Mean Offline
#5 Posted: Fri, Dec 14 2001, 9:34 PM EST
Joined: 05-16-2001
Posts: 3,025
Commpromise, give up something else to show you are listening. It would be a victory for you both.
donutboy2000 Offline
#6 Posted: Fri, Dec 14 2001, 9:39 PM EST
Joined: 11-20-2001
Posts: 25,000
Start dating women that will let you smoke.
Charlie Offline
#7 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 6:42 AM EST
Joined: 06-16-2002
Posts: 39,751
The propaganda will continue and the cigar is equal to 70 plus cigs will come up, but as John Wayne would say, "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, Pilgrim!" Give up something else, like sex or catching javelins! Seriously, good luck. Charlie
aberdeen Offline
#8 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 6:55 AM EST
Joined: 06-11-1999
Posts: 741
woody, sorry, but your reply is preposterous. How can you compare smoking three or four packs of cigs a day to one cigar a day? Or also 7 cigars a day to one? Haven't you heard of the threshold? When it comes to cigarettes say, what is dangerous, one pack a day, a half pack a day, two cigarettes a day, five cigarettes a week, five a year? Sooner or later you get to a point where it isn't a big deal. And I don't believe that if you smoke a little you will gradually smoke more, I don't by the addiction argument at all. I was never a heavy smoker, at the most I would smoke ten cigarettes a day, these days I smoke one maybe two cigarettes a day in the afternoon. I firmly believe things done in moderation are not harmful, I also firmly believe my diet will kill me before anything tobacco related will that is why I am trying to eat more healthy and encouraging my wife also. But don't lump me in the camp of the 3 pack a day smoker. There is nothing left really for me to compromise, I used up most of my cards when I got the Caprice ex police car I wanted. I am not henpecked, I will not stop smoking a cigar a day, period.
Dave2112 Offline
#9 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 7:29 AM EST
Joined: 09-12-2001
Posts: 27
Well it sounds like a great time to say that you will cut back to maybe 3 to 4 cigars a week and make those 3 to 4 REALLY good cigars!
delarob Offline
#10 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 10:35 AM EST
Joined: 06-28-2001
Posts: 5,318
Divorce.
ellesson Offline
#11 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 3:46 PM EST
Joined: 05-13-2001
Posts: 150
After she throws you out, I have a spare bedroom you can rent and you can smoke all the cigars you like ( as long as you share!!) cj
aberdeen Offline
#12 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 5:14 PM EST
Joined: 06-11-1999
Posts: 741
one a day, not three or four a week, I stand firm on having one a day, she will come around, as I said we never argue and get along great otherwise.
RICKAMAVEN Offline
#13 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 5:53 PM EST
Joined: 10-01-2000
Posts: 33,248
HENPECKED
mmay Offline
#14 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 6:38 PM EST
Joined: 06-10-2001
Posts: 121
Rick, you posted that twice. Are you suggesting that he just "put the little woman in her place"?
Teninx Offline
#15 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 7:13 PM EST
Joined: 11-24-2001
Posts: 138
Tell the wife that smoking is an adult decision that the children aren't competent to make. Tell the wife that you love her and the kids, but smoking is an adult decision that you are competent to make. Quit if you want to, not because she wants you to quit. Only resentment will come of it.
hegemonic Offline
#16 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 11:11 PM EST
Joined: 01-17-2000
Posts: 1,294
Won't/can't give you marriage advice. What I can give you are some valid points for your argument against Mrs. Aberdeen.

She accepted you as a cigar smoker before. If it's an aspect of your personality, why should you HAVE to change now? Can you, or rather, would you ever even THINK or DARE to ask her to change an aspect of HER personality?

If you don't smoke around the kids, how can it harm them!?


Cigarettes and cigars are not the same. Cigarettes are made of trash tobacco and pesticide laden tobacco --ever hear of cigarette beetles!? No? I didn't think so. Nothing can live inside of cigarette tobacco. Cigarettes have chemicals added to them, cigars do not (but some cigar manufacturers do fumigate their tobacco for tobacco beetles).

Cigarette smoking is compulsive behavior, cigar smoking is a hobby. Ever hear of a forum for cigarette smokers? Or "Cigarette Aficionado"? Ever hear of discussions over the proper aging of cigarettes? The nuances of flavor in different cigarettes? No? Me either.

Regarding your kids not having a father when they grow up; How often do you smoke? If it's every day, you can compromise about cutting down (because maybe it is a habit if you're smoking that often). A few cigars (2-3) a week can't do very much harm over an extended period of time. Plus, she'll feel like she's gaining a lot of ground by reducing your cigar smoking by
hegemonic Offline
#17 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 11:16 PM EST
Joined: 01-17-2000
Posts: 1,294
cont... 57%

DAMN INTERNET EXPLORER!!

I lost my train of thought now because of this mother f'n browser!

My final point is against you, but something you have to admit; smoking IS bad for you and in the case of daily cigar smoking (if you DON'T inhale) is likely to cause cancer of the mouth and throat. If you DO inhale, say goodbye to your lungs. It's a risk we all take, but as with all things in life, in moderation, dangers are a rarity.
I just wanted to state that so we know there's no myths here.
hegemonic Offline
#18 Posted: Sat, Dec 15 2001, 11:18 PM EST
Joined: 01-17-2000
Posts: 1,294
If you lose the debate, you can always send your cigars to me ;)
billmerit Offline
#19 Posted: Sun, Dec 16 2001, 2:33 AM EST
Joined: 07-27-2001
Posts: 214
A very intelligent women came up to me on the street and tried to get me to stop smoking my cigar. By the end of the conversation, she was smoking one of my Glorias. I just told her "never inhale".
Todog Offline
#20 Posted: Sun, Dec 16 2001, 2:52 AM EST
Joined: 05-05-2001
Posts: 804
Was her name Monica?
stogie-man Offline
#21 Posted: Sun, Dec 16 2001, 3:31 AM EST
Joined: 07-09-2001
Posts: 612
Fake your own death.
woodbutchr Offline
#22 Posted: Sun, Dec 16 2001, 10:35 AM EST
Joined: 11-17-2001
Posts: 115
I agree that one a day is reasonable (as I smoke my 7th cigar of the day, an Onyx Reserve). I hope you can work this out, but I stick by my statement that tobacco is NOT healthy, period!
tailgater Offline
#23 Posted: Sun, Dec 16 2001, 5:15 PM EST
Joined: 06-01-2000
Posts: 26,185
As someone stated earlier, simply give up something else. I'd choose "Listening"...
Hansen Offline
#24 Posted: Mon, Dec 17 2001, 2:04 AM EST
Joined: 03-11-2000
Posts: 444
Aberdeen, is your wife conserned about Your kids loosing their father too early, or is she worried abour your health? Another thing ..... I thought you smoked in the garage? She can't be bothered by your smoke.
delarob Offline
#25 Posted: Mon, Dec 17 2001, 8:04 AM EST
Joined: 06-28-2001
Posts: 5,318
Move the family to the garage and you smoke in the house.
rleaverton Offline
#26 Posted: Mon, Dec 17 2001, 2:46 PM EST
Joined: 09-11-2010
Posts: 273
I've considered this thread all day, and I have to admit I am reluctant to post what I'm going to say. But, here goes nothin...Ab, stand back from the specific question at hand and ask yourself, what are the most important things in your life. I don't know you, but I know that if I asked myself this question, my wife's happiness would rank up there way higher than cigars. But it's not the cigars themselves, is it? It's the principle, and you're in the right here, damn it! Still doesn't do it, because that's putting pride before love. There it is. I know I'll catch hell for this, but I had to put it out there. I'll admit to being in love with my bride for 28 years, and enjoying cigars for less than half that, but if I were in your shoes, and I know I'm not, I'd rethink this.
aberdeen Offline
#27 Posted: Mon, Dec 17 2001, 5:45 PM EST
Joined: 06-11-1999
Posts: 741
Hansen, I do smoke in the garage, it isn't the smoke and the kids she's worried about, but the effects she thinks cigars will have on me. With regard to the above post, I doubt you will catch much flak, as this is an old post now and most people probably aren't checking it anymore. I agree to a point to what you are saying, and throughout my marriage I have compromised and was open to discuss any issue that came up. But I am not going to completely give up my individuality, I wouldn't ask her to give up something that was very important to her, especially if she made that clear, I would accept her for it as part of the person I married. If you were to give up cigars if you wife asked you to, then perhaps something else and more after that, what would you have left to call your own? You would be living your life for your wife, maybe okay for you, but not me.
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