America's #1 Online Cigar Auction
first, best, biggest!

Last post 19 years ago by Cavallo. 16 replies replies.
Christian One liners
usahog Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 12-06-1999
Posts: 22,691
"Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case"

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
but mosquitoes come close.

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and
permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches; what
difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing
on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Copilot - swap seats!

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace
of God will not protect you.

We don't change the message, the message changes us.

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to
discourage him.

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

"Father, bless the person reading this in whatever it
is that You know they need"


Enjoy!!!!

Hog

EI Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 06-29-2002
Posts: 5,069
I did enjoy, thank you
echo4alpha Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 01-25-2003
Posts: 4,349
"Everyone wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die"
CWFoster Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 12-12-2003
Posts: 5,414
I'm not afraid of dying, just that it'll hurt... a bunch! LOL
herfsnipe Offline
#5 Posted:
Joined: 07-28-2004
Posts: 3,315
Does this qualify?

The Man's Prayer

"I'm a man, but I can change. If I have to...I guess."

Amen
echo4alpha Offline
#6 Posted:
Joined: 01-25-2003
Posts: 4,349
I'm with you on that one CW!
gerber Offline
#7 Posted:
Joined: 10-30-2002
Posts: 783
I enjoyed all these great bits of wisdom. This also reminds me of my all-time favorite Bible joke: what's the very first thing Adam said to Eve? "You better get back--I don't know how much bigger this thing's gonna get."
billyjackson Offline
#8 Posted:
Joined: 08-19-2002
Posts: 2,860
In response to minisermon marquees like this and the "GOD" billboards.....
"What part of 'Cut off thy hand' didn't you understand?"--God

"My child was crucified by your honor student."--God

"Stop praying like Jabez and read the whole book."--God

"The cost of this billboard could have fed three children for a year."--God

"If you love someone, threaten to burn them in hell for eternity." - God

"Don't do as I do, do as I say." - God

"You think YOU'RE a victim of child abuse?" - Jesus

"I could prove my existence, but then nobody would get to go to hell." - God

"That part about rabbits chewing cud, I meant that." - God

"Love means forgiving even those who don't worship you." - Man

"For I so loved the world that I sacrificed Myself to Myself to appease My own anger at My own creation." - God

"Go to Hell." - God

"If you don't worship me, I'll force you to live in a lake of fire for eternity. But I love you. No, really..." - God

"It's the best I could do. I'm only omnipotent, omniscient, and immortal" - God

"Worship me, or I'll torture you forever." - God
Charlie Offline
#9 Posted:
Joined: 06-16-2002
Posts: 39,751
"Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition"!

usahog Offline
#10 Posted:
Joined: 12-06-1999
Posts: 22,691
Ditto what Charlie Said....

Keep your Powder Dry Boys!!!!

Hog
Martin2277 Offline
#11 Posted:
Joined: 06-14-2004
Posts: 622
"Smoke em if you got em"
Martin2277 Offline
#12 Posted:
Joined: 06-14-2004
Posts: 622
OK I will admidt not a GOD statment but I bet George Burns will say it at the Pearly white gates......
EI Offline
#13 Posted:
Joined: 06-29-2002
Posts: 5,069
Hey Barabas, I can see your house from up here
hat Offline
#14 Posted:
Joined: 03-22-2004
Posts: 782
Awesome stuff hog. My Dad is a retired So. Baptist minister. I printed this & will send him a copy.
Thanx!
Cavallo Offline
#15 Posted:
Joined: 01-05-2004
Posts: 2,796
and the unintended double-entendre:
"the most powerful position is on your knees." !!

an oldie but a goodie:
"C H _ _ C H: what's missing?" U R!
CanyonDVM Offline
#16 Posted:
Joined: 10-26-2002
Posts: 259
Thanks Hog, needed a little reality check today.
Cavallo Offline
#17 Posted:
Joined: 01-05-2004
Posts: 2,796
if you want to make someone's day, give 'em a "get out of hell free" card: www.goohf.com
Users browsing this topic
Guest