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Last post 12 years ago by DrafterX. 12 replies replies.
History Lesson....
DrafterX Offline
#1 Posted:
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,583
fog

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,personal injury attorneys, trust-funders, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud, Coors or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. They are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys,lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing for people who wouldn't work.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other Conservatives and to some Liberals just to piss them off.


And there you have it.... Let your next action reveal your true self.....I just did and now I'm going to turn the venison on the grill.


Film at 11.... Beer
Buckwheat Offline
#2 Posted:
Joined: 04-15-2004
Posts: 12,251
I guess you never read the Bible.

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
6And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.

And the earth brought forth grass and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

And the evening and the morning were the third day.

And God said, let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.

And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

And God said, let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

And God blessed them, saying, be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

And God said, let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.

And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and everything that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

And God said; Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to everything that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

…or we are all evolved from primates. But that is another story for another time. horse
DrafterX Offline
#3 Posted:
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,583
I think the politics started right after God left... Mellow
DrafterX Offline
#4 Posted:
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,583
When did God create the BigFoots..?? Huh

Are they liberals..?? Huh
Rclay Offline
#5 Posted:
Joined: 10-30-2006
Posts: 1,813
I though we were created by the anunaki as salve labor for a super advanced race. So advanced they still have not figured out how to live without slave labor.

The OP is funny as hell.
wheelrite Offline
#6 Posted:
Joined: 11-01-2006
Posts: 50,119
Rclay wrote:
I though we were created by the anunaki as salve labor for a super advanced race. So advanced they still have not figured out how to live without slave labor.

The OP is funny as hell.


Salve Labor ?

is that some gay sex slave ?
Rclay Offline
#7 Posted:
Joined: 10-30-2006
Posts: 1,813
Oops. I used too much bengay. That's a salve right?
DrafterX Offline
#8 Posted:
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,583
Mellow
raymallen Offline
#9 Posted:
Joined: 10-20-2011
Posts: 396
But then the liberals became smarter and more efficient... so they started the DMV.
yardobeef Offline
#10 Posted:
Joined: 10-25-2011
Posts: 849
Buckwheat wrote:

…or we are all evolved from primates. But that is another story for another time. horse


Not to nitpick, but humans are primates.
ZRX1200 Offline
#11 Posted:
Joined: 07-08-2007
Posts: 60,661
I missed the part where God pulled a rib from a Fugging monkey to create Eve.......
DrafterX Offline
#12 Posted:
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,583
In the time of chimpanzee I was a monkey..... Mellow
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