nut i think he likes cher's new son.
April 25, 2012
POLL: Majority of Republicans Guess They Have to Support **** Romney
Lack of Other Option Cited
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – In what Romney campaign insiders are hailing as a sign
that the party faithful are rallying around the former Massachusetts governor, a new poll released
today shows that a majority of Republican voters agree with the statement, “I guess I have to
support **** Romney.”
When asked why they were now ready to cast their vote for Mr. Romney, a majority of those
Republicans polled “strongly agreed” with the statement, “Why do you think? No one else is
**** running anymore. Stop asking such stupid **** questions. I don’t need this ****.”
Underscoring the sense that he is now the presumptive nominee, the Romney campaign unveiled
a new slogan this morning, “You Have No Other Options Anymore. Start Dealing With It,
Losers.”
After sweeping five primary states Tuesday night, Mr. Romney was exultant, telling supporters in
Manchester, N.H., “I love American democracy. I’m good friends with the owners of it.”
The wins by Mr. Romney forced former House Speaker Newt Gingrich to suspend his campaign,
telling reporters that he was leaving the race “to spend more time with my families.”
As for former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, he offered Mr. Romney this endorsement
during an appearance on CNN: “Yeah, I guess I support him, because, well duh, I have
absolutely no other choice. Right? I mean, really, Piers, what kind of moronic question is that? I
guess this goes to show that you can be a total douchebag and still win the nomination if you
have the most dough. I mean come on -- this whole situation makes me want to throw up. My
only consolation is that on Judgment Day I’m going to Heaven, and we’ll have to see what
happens to Mr. Magic Underpants. Haha. Yeah. Sweet.”
