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A Letter from Mitt Romney to his Former Gardener
About the New Immigration Rules

The Borowitz Report has obtained the following letter from Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney to his former gardener, José Salazar:

Dear José:

I’m writing to you today with some exceptionally good news.

As you probably remember, a few months back I fired from you from your job mowing the lawn at my house. If I remember correctly, my exact words were, “I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake, I can’t have illegals.”

Well, here’s the good news: now I can.

Thanks to President Obama’s executive order regarding immigration, I’m happy to report that I can hire you back to your old job, as long as you’re under 30. Am I right in assuming you are? You looked pretty young to me, especially for a person who spends so much time in the sun and isn’t allowed to come inside the house.

You see, as much as I like firing people, I’ve come to regret letting you go, José. Ann and I miss you. The young man we hired to replace you, while “legal” and all, just doesn’t mow the lawn as well as you do, and he insists on being paid “on the books,” which rubs Ann and me the wrong way.

So I hope you’ll consider my offer to come back. The only teeny hitch – and I hope you’ll agree that it’s just a teeny one – is that I’ll have to fire you again come January. I’ll be President then, and I’ll have to reverse everything that Obama did, for Pete’s sake.

But there’s a lot of mowing to be done between now and January, José, and Ann and I think you’re the man do it. If not, I suppose we’ll have to go out and hire ourselves a Greek fellow. I understand they work for nothing, or drachmas – whichever’s less. (Laughing Out Loud.)

Sincerely,

Mr. Romney

The Borowitz Report has obtained the following letter from Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney to his former gardener, José Salazar:

Dear José:

I’m writing to you today with some exceptionally good news.

As you probably remember, a few months back I fired from you from your job mowing the lawn at my house. If I remember correctly, my exact words were, “I’m running for office, for Pete’s sake, I can’t have illegals.”

Well, here’s the good news: now I can.

Thanks to President Obama’s executive order regarding immigration, I’m happy to report that I can hire you back to your old job, as long as you’re under 30. Am I right in assuming you are? You looked pretty young to me, especially for a person who spends so much time in the sun and isn’t allowed to come inside the house.

You see, as much as I like firing people, I’ve come to regret letting you go, José. Ann and I miss you. The young man we hired to replace you, while “legal” and all, just doesn’t mow the lawn as well as you do, and he insists on being paid “on the books,” which rubs Ann and me the wrong way.

So I hope you’ll consider my offer to come back. The only teeny hitch – and I hope you’ll agree that it’s just a teeny one – is that I’ll have to fire you again come January. I’ll be President then, and I’ll have to reverse everything that Obama did, for Pete’s sake.

But there’s a lot of mowing to be done between now and January, José, and Ann and I think you’re the man do it. If not, I suppose we’ll have to go out and hire ourselves a Greek fellow. I understand they work for nothing, or drachmas – whichever’s less. (Laughing Out Loud.)

Sincerely,

Mr. Romney

Rick......I suggest double dosing the meds for the next few days.




Ron

Rick,
Take your medications and go to bed!

Pedro says Salazar was a Puerto Rican, therefore not authentic...

I got a letter from the President of the United States of America.

He said he was broke and that Romney is outspending him 10-1!

10-1!!!

Why the last election he wiped the floor with McCain in the donations...what gives?

Is the rainbow fading? The lollipops taste like poop? The unicorn rides aren't for everyone?

OH NOES!


Someone stole the 22's off the Owedumba campaign!!!

Can you imagine this couple AFTER they're outta the White House? They're gonna be on food stamps in no time with the spending propblems they have!

I've been reading Rick's posts for years now, and if you have, you probably noticed they aren't as clear and focused as they once where. He's like over 80 right? I'm suggesting, but not expecting much, that perhaps for once, you can lay off someone who disagrees with you for once. Come after me for backing up Rick and use me in his stead, but leave the old guy alone for f*ck's sake. It will be you one day. (yes, all good natured, I know)

Rick, it was splendid speaking with you. Shame I didn't have more time. You were as lucid, intelligent, and entertaining as always.
If I ever herf again, which I don't care to do, I would love to do so with you, Johan, and Tom.

Fuzz, I would hate for you to be my defense attorney.

I hope to retire from the internet when I'm Rick's age.

Somehow this implies that FussNJ's posts are clear and focused.

BS flag!

What kind of person continuously insults an 80+ year old person for 'offenses' made because of obvious aging?

Are you EVER been accurate about ANYTHING? Must people always be painted as victims by you?
I'm beginning to wonder about YOU.
Have you ever spoken with Rickamaven privately?

First of all, Rick is in his 70's. Secondly, there's a method to his madness. Sometimes he posts controversially in a grammatically, indifferent manner just to get a rise out of people or simply because he doesn't care to impress. Other times, he's just being cantankerous like anybody else- regardless of age. I think we can all relate to THAT.

Rick & I have had our differences politically & religiously but they are minute when compared to a mutual belief in the decency and hope of humanity. Besides, as he was to find out when I subscribed him to a conservative magazine, true conservatives (NOT neos) have more in common with true liberals (NOT leftwing fascist ideologues). We both love individual freedoms without having the Government tell us what to do.

Btw I was among the first to point out the idiosyncrasies (corporate whore w/ disdain for small business, open borders, constant military adventurism, etc.) in George Bush to Rick which made him no conservative except to his lapdog neo zealots. Rick agreed.