Last fall I went to the ballet for the first time, no kidding being at age 39, and here below is my long winded review with a little help from Andy.
It was back last October I believe it was when my wife told me that me, her, her friend and her husband was a going to go to this production of Ballet Dracula. And ah being that I remember Dracula when younger and liking the bats and neck biting I thought it alright with me though I couldn't figure out what the ballet had to do with it. Anyhow my wife thought it a mighty important event as she told me I was to wear the fancy clothes that I wear for weddings and funerals. She even suggested I rented what they call this tuxedo but I couldn't justify spending a whole bunch of money to rent some britches that were worn many a time before me. So anyhow we got there at around 6PM on Saturday. And ah different ones of us thought we ought to get a mouthful to eat before we sat down, and so looking around I saw this area where all these people were gathering on with pleasant smells coming from. So I went up there and ordered two hot dogs and a big orange drink. And this fella who was a standing back there and a wearing those fancy britches told me "friend we don't have hot dogs but we do have these fancy finger foods". Seeing that these wasn't enough to feed a june bug he tells me to try the vegetable plate where you take what you want and I said okay. So I filled up my plate from this fancy display of vegetables and we commenced to eating and I noticed all these other people with the finger foods holding them with the tips of two fingers and taking tiny bites, then quickly wiping their mouths as if any food could escape those nibbles. I also noticed that all these people were keenly studying other folks who came in through the doors and whispering amongst themselves about their hairdos and what not. I thought it mighty interesting that these people who were wearing all these fancy renting clothes to be worried about how others looked, but my wife told me that most of these people there in fact owned the clothes they were wearing, and I thought they must go to an awful lot of weddings and funerals. Then a prankster starting turning on and off the lights and while that was happening most people starting moving to go to their seats. My wife tells me it is time to sit down even though I haven't finished with these vegetables. So we go through this door and a person with a flashlight asks to see our ticket so he could show us where our seats were, being that the prankster turned all the lights out in this great big hall and we had no way of seeing where it was we was a going. While we were going to our seats I looked down there and saw all these band folks sitting around tooting their instruments while this other fellow was running around waving this fancy stick, and so I thought I would sit down and see what it was that was a going to happen next. Well about the time I got sat down good, these band folks quite tooting their horns and starting playing actual music, and then this giant curtain raised and all these people came on the stage and started to dance around, and then these giant lights spelt out Dracula on the stage so I figured it was about to commence. But instead of bats flying around and neck biting, all I seen for the first part was all these people on the stage and a dancing around. Sometimes they would stop actual dancing and start walking in giant steps and waving their arms about and I think trying to talk to one another but being kind of far in the back I couldn't hear a word they was a saying! It was like a bunch of mimes on stage and dancing around and kicking their legs way up in the air, and it seemed like they was trying to talk to one another but just coulnd't get the words out. Anyhow this went on for a while when suddenly that giant curtain came crashing down and the prankster turned the lights back on. So we got up and jawed for awhile and left that big room and went back to the room where the food was. Then I saw these longs lines everywhere and seeings how one was for coffee I got in it being that I was feeling mighty tired after that bit of dancing I just saw in the dark. I was in that line for nearly 15 minutes when I finally was able to get up there and buy this tiny cup of coffee for $2. This coffee was piping hot and while I was a blowing on it to cool, that prankster starting fooling with the light switches again, and I also noticed about that time people started to go back to their seats again. So we started to go back as well, but this fella who took us down with his flashlight before tells me I couldn't take the coffee into the large room and so I had only a few minutes now to try to drink this boiling hot coffee before the show commenced again. Well I got back to my seat with only a few mintutes to spare and my wife tells me that act two is about to commence. I thought that mighty odd for all I saw during the first act was people running around seeing how high they could kick their legs in the air. Though at the very end of this first act it did appear someone was bitten in the neck, either that or he didn't land well from kicking his leg in the air. Then that big curtain raised up again and it started going again. After a little while some folks setting behind me started whispering to one another. Thinking they new what these dancers were saying to one another I tried to listen to what they was a saying, but it was hard as many other people around us were disturbing them by making these sounds like air coming out of a tire or clearing their throats when it seemed there was nothing to clear. By the time the second act was ending I was starting to feel might hungry again, as them vegetables wasn't nearly enough to eat. So this time instead of jawing when the curtain fell, I dashed out of my seat and got in the first line I could find, and this time got served right away. I ended up getting this fancy little pastry. Well before I could take one mouthful of that food, a whole group of people came up to where I was a standing, real close together, to where I couldn't eat nothing and I dropped my pastry. Then the lights started going on and off again and this group of people commenced to move and there wasn't a thing I could do but move with them! And so I ended up back in my seat again, still feeling mighty hungry and mighty tired, and my wife tells me the final act is about to commence, and I think I still haven't even seen one bat. Well that final act came and went without much new happening except at the end they did drive a stake into what I finally figured must have been Dracula the entire time. He was the oddest Dracula I ever seen, how he was able to bite a person's neck with all that dancing around is hard to figure. Then the curtain fell back down and everyone got up and hollered. Then the curtain came back up again and one by one the dancers came out and starting this routine of taking bows. They sure must have been proud of themselves with all that bowing. Then the curtain fell down again, and just as I was fixing to get up, the curtain went back up for more bowing! And everyone around kept hollering, and I asked this feller that was be sitting beside of me, I says "friend, what is it that they are a hollering about?" And he whopped me on the back and said "buddy, have a drink". And so I thought I would get up and try to find a big orange drink. Well by the time I done that, everyone was piling out of the building and my wife tells me it's time to go. I still to this day friends don't know what is was they was a doing down there, but I have studied on it. I have and I think it's some kindly of play acting with a group of dancers trying to speak to another group of dancers with their legs and arms, without either tripping over one another or slipping in something.
