You've probably heard I was into the comedy & sarcasm thing. Kind of getting out of that now...into a little more of a serious deal. And so that's why right now I'd like to talk about "What... I... Believe..."
[serious music in background]
"What I Believe."
I believe in a perfect world full of apple pie, rainbows, puppy dogs, and fairy tales.
And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma... and Uncle Tom, who waves his penus.
And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments.
And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there's a game on.
And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things... that money can buy.
And I believe it's derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs", "jugs", "tits" or "golden bozos".. and that you should only refer to them as "hooters".
And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.
And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are.
And, people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that TSA screeners laugh at snapshots of my genitals.
And I believe rapper battles should be fought with guns.
And I believe that Barak Obama can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice.
And I believe that the good Lord put us on this earth so we could hourly post our lunches, drinks, and smokes because that's important for the world to know.
And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the cbid political thread you're reading right now.
Call me naive. Call me silly. But that's what I believe.