Ms. Bot: A package came for you. It looks like cigars. [Did she inflect the word "cigars?" Is she judging me for buying too many cigars? A man's got to have a hobby! There are certainly worse hobbies than cigars. What if I was into some weird sh*t? It could be way worse ya know.]
Me: I didn't order any cigars. It must be my new keyboard for my desktop. [Told you, didn't I?]
Ms. Bot: It's too small to be a keyboard, and the address is handwritten. [What do you mean "handwritten?" What's wrong with that?!? But, see, here's the thing: there's no way I can say anything without it seeming like I'm the one being a b*tch cause "handwritten" just means written by hand. She's subtly trying to f*ck with my mind. There was an inflection on that word. "Handwritten." At least I think there was ...]
Me: I'll look at it in a minute.
Ms. Bot: It's probably from one of your internet friends. [What do you mean "friends?" Why can't I have friends on the internet? Do you think you own the internet?]
I go to look. It's from Jake.
Ms. Bot: Is it cigars? [Oh, NOW you're just going lay it on thick aren't you? You inflected "cigars." I'm pretty sure you did anyway. You knew it was cigars the whole time, didn't you? You're just trying to get in my head, make me paranoid and self-conscious. But I'm on to it. I see through what you're doing.]
Me: Probably. [Not going to give you the smug satisfaction of being right. I only said "probably." I completely defused the whole game you're playing with that one simple word because I'm way ahead of you. Now you'll wonder forever what was in that box ...]
Inside the box were 12 beautiful smokes. Most of them neverhads. Killer hit Jake!
Aganorsa Signature Selection robusto
Drew Estate Único Serie L40 lancero
Illusione Haut 10 toro
Oliva Serie V churchill
Oliva V Melanio churhill
My Father Le Bijou toro
Herrera Estelí Tienda Exclusive Ct. Broadleaf lancero
Herrera Estelí Miami lancero
Montcristo #2 Short (cc)
The Tabernacle lancero
Puros Desnudos Nudie Ebony lancero
Puros Desnudos Nudie Ivory lancero
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Now, somebody call him off. He's kicking my @ss, wrecking my storage space, and giving Ms. Bot way too much ammunition.
