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Only date women with warrants so the can't call the police on you.

You should go on X (fka Twitter) and Instagram and post your sage advice!

Worked with a guy who told me one day his girlfriend put a gun to his head again the night before. I was like...again? The first time wasn't a deal breaker?

Old friend of mine dated redheads exclusively. Said they were crazy, for better and worse.

One evening, in the throws of passion, he finished well ahead of her. She was disappointed and didn’t get hers.

Two nights later, they were enjoying each others company with her sitting on top of him for this round of festivities.

When he told her he was about to finish, she yelled “Look at me ashehole!”

When he opened his eyes, she was holding a large knife over his chest, while feverishly trying to get herself over the line saying “NO YOU AREN’T!”

Oh My God this topic is Hilarious and Gents I need this humor right now!!!

I am rolling here with TEARS IN MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep'em coming cuz I over the years have dated Indian's, Blonds, Bruinette's, red heads (Mrs. USAHOG) was a Red Headed Preachers Daughter!!! and a Lying drug bag BIOEECH!!! many on this forum recall her and she may still be lurking this community?
I kicked her out in 2007 and changed the locks on the door. during the marriage she had continuous medical issue's 2002-2007 I put her youngest daughter through 8th grade, graduated high school and put her oldest son into a drug rehab facility and in those years she couldn't hold a job (any job) for longer then 6 months. but I wanted this marriage to last and kept believing it would? her pattern for excuses started coming to light when I stated checking the business account where for my flag case business she operated the office duty's... monies were coming up short on deposits.. but I would ask and she would blow smoke up my ass, I bought it and went on.. when her daughter graduated and moved back down south to live with grandma. she had her oldest son move in. Low and behold she was coming home from work one night and got re-ended by a state worker. "Whipplash" was her claim to fame and 3 medical doctors who I found out later. were giving her 90 day supply of OXY's X 3..
While I'm working my ass off in the woodshop and keeping the business operating, she had access to the orders and business account card with our local bank. I'd come in for lunch or end of day and her and her son were in the living room MUSHROOMED OUT ON THE COUCH WATCHING TV. here it's July and I'm sweating my ass off, and she cannot even complete a whole conversation with me? both of them stoned out of their Gords daily occurrence... she was suing a state worker who's insurance cap was 100K and she couldn't work... when her son needed rehab which cost almost $1K just to get him in a faclity. it was an additional $300-400 for cigarettes, underwear and New cloths to enter the rehab? hge checked himself in and after 2 weeks checked himself out telling us/me he's a new person, he did get a job, (improovment) maybe he's ligit? My son come home from bootcamp AIT training, he, my daughter and Step Son, went out one Friday eveining to a bar in my kids hometown, closing time, around 1:30 AM I get a call from my son and daughter, they cannot find Matt and they are ready to head back to Springfield?

Turns out Matt hooked up with a local drug dealer and party and they went in search for Cocaine... That was the final straw, I woke the kid up at 6:00 am and we had a kitchen table sit down... he addmitted he did go off looking to score but they could not find any drugs.. I said had you, would you have done them? "YES" was his answer, I said well Matt, you need to pack your **** and get the hell out of this house ASAP... I had to leave to cool off...

when I returned, the Mrs. and her son were packing her car up with her belongings too? (same car she got rearended in) I said what are you doing? well if your putting my son out, I'm going too, I said well Alrighty then... once she got packed up she says well you going to say anything? I said Yes, the locks are being changed today and I'm headed to a Lawyers office on Monday!!! Don't bother coming back!!!

As if... no need for that, ya got TLC.

"If it flies, floats or fcks, rent it- don't buy it."

When I was 15 years old, I got the same advice from my Grandfather. He was a Sage.
Long story short. I now have 3 kids, by three different women, in three different states, and have never been married a day of my life. Paid some child support, but have never once given away half my stuff.
On a different note, God has a sense of humor. I have three daughters, and now I have to worry about them meeting someone like me.
Dave (A.K.A. Homebrew)

And if she asks for a watch, politely remind her there is a clock on the stove.