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Last post 21 years ago by tarheel4lyf. 31 replies replies.
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Dimmer Offline
#1 Posted: Wed, Jan 8 2003, 7:47 PM EST
Joined: 02-04-2001
Posts: 26
Here's a good one:

I'm 21 and in college. Started occasionally buying los cheapos stogs for parties and the like but moved on to the finer while in college. Got a nice 75 capacity humidor and a smaller cheapy to hold acids when I was a sophomore and I enjoy a cigar maybe once a week.

The funny thing is, I've never told my parents.
My Dad was a cigarette smoker for many years and quit in 98 and has nothing but hatred for all tobacco products, or at least it seems.

I've kept the humidors hidden over breaks in my bags. I assume the parents have no knowledge of my hobby.

Although pleased at my incredible stealth, it bugs me that my parents don't know and my curious side wonders what their reactions would be.

And if negative, how could I explain to them that I have no 'addiction' (aside from maybe bidding on the damn things cause it's fun) and that I really just enjoy a cigar once in awhile.

Sorry for the length...

-D
CulleyJC52 Offline
#2 Posted: Wed, Jan 8 2003, 8:09 PM EST
Joined: 09-25-2002
Posts: 369
Cigar versus cigarettes, there is no comparison, assuming you are not inhaling. I read the results of a medical study on cigar smoking. It said if you smoked two or less a day, your chances of cancer was no more than a person that didn't smoke.

If your were going to have a tobacco addiction, your found the savest one. Much safer than the years your father smoked cigs.

CulleyJC52 Offline
#3 Posted: Wed, Jan 8 2003, 8:13 PM EST
Joined: 09-25-2002
Posts: 369
PS I smoke two to three cigars a day, but, only smoke maybe three/four days a week. The other days I smoke none. That is not addiction. Addiction is got to have everday, and several times within that day. I know, I smoked stupid cigarettes for twenty-four years. Pleased to say I have been off those nasty things for ten years now.
RICKAMAVEN Offline
#4 Posted: Wed, Jan 8 2003, 9:05 PM EST
Joined: 10-01-2000
Posts: 33,248
YOU ARE 21?

why is it necessary to even discuss your "evil" ways.
do you discuss anything about the skags you took out for an evening? do you discuss the drugs you have tried?

i smoked cigarettes when my kids were growing. after watching me cough and retch they chose wisely not to smoke cigarettes.
CulleyJC52 Offline
#5 Posted: Wed, Jan 8 2003, 10:04 PM EST
Joined: 09-25-2002
Posts: 369
Rick, That was a nice Dear Abby, maybe he has mom like mine. I'm 50 and she is 70 something. Every time I se her, she asked me if I had quit those cigars, lol,.
jreddoch Offline
#6 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 2:45 AM EST
Joined: 12-30-2000
Posts: 1,309
If they're providing financial support, keep 'em hidden. If not, reveal your secret. They'll get over it. You're stuck with each other after all.
eleltea Offline
#7 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 2:47 AM EST
Joined: 03-03-2002
Posts: 4,562
What would Dr. Laura say?
jreddoch Offline
#8 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 3:33 AM EST
Joined: 12-30-2000
Posts: 1,309
I hope she and Dr. Phil spend eternity together.
eleltea Offline
#9 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 3:48 AM EST
Joined: 03-03-2002
Posts: 4,562
JR: Upstairs or down?
xrundog Offline
#10 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 4:31 AM EST
Joined: 01-17-2002
Posts: 2,212
I don't think you are obligated to expose every facet of your life to the folks. However, neither should you actively hide the fact you occasionally smoke a cigar. If or when asked about it, own up. They might be pissed if you are using money they send you for subsistance items to buy premium smokes. If you have a job and pay for your own, then it's your business. And if someone is running down cigar smokers, I think you should defend yourself.
Mr.Mean Offline
#11 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 4:35 AM EST
Joined: 05-16-2001
Posts: 3,025
Tell you want to get a sex change first, then tell them about the cigars.
DrMaddVibe Offline
#12 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 4:43 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,556
As an "adult" I think it's kinda wierd that you have to hide ANYTHING!

Take Mr.Mean's suggestion and get the sex change. Either that or plant yourself right in the living room and blaze up. There by removing any doubt as to what kind of man you really are!
penzt8 Offline
#13 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 4:52 AM EST
Joined: 06-05-2000
Posts: 1,771
I agree with JR. If your parents are supplying finances it is probably better to stay on their good side. I don't consider it lying when you keep something from someoen. Have your parents asked you directly if you smoke? If not, why make it an issue. Just like many of us tend to watch our language when we're speaking to our parents but it becomes a little more colorful (and profane) when speaking with friends. We all do things a little different when we're away from home.
SteveS Offline
#14 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 5:04 AM EST
Joined: 01-13-2002
Posts: 8,751
My best "Dear Abby" imitation:

Recognize that your parents care and have a lot of hopes and dreams for you but also realize they can't live your life for you ... you're going to make your own choices as an adult, just as they've done ...

That said, I think there's a difference between "standing up for yourself" and slapping your folks in the face ... were I in your place (and I was as a young adult), I'd just not rub their noses in it ... but don't be secretive, just be discrete ... in their home or in their car, observe their wishes ... in any discussion, be polite but firm in letting them know you respect their opinions and appreciate the fact they care, but that you're enjoying what you're doing, that it's a rather minimal thing and they should know it's under control and won't be carried to an excess ...
Mr.Mean Offline
#15 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 5:19 AM EST
Joined: 05-16-2001
Posts: 3,025
SteveS, I don't think anyone is saying go run around your parents house with cigars stuck in your shirt like a freakin retarded moron. Nor to light up at your parents house. Respect your parents decisions, and maybe they'll respect yours.
jd1 Offline
#16 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 5:27 AM EST
Joined: 02-14-2001
Posts: 3,118
The only way they could not know is if you maybe took a shower and changed your clothes before being in the same room with them. Smoking anything leaves your clothes riddled with the smell of smoke. When I stopped smoking cigarettes about 10 years back, I could then tell if anyone I passed in the mall or whatever had smoked because of the smell of tobacco smoke lingering on their person. Maybe their noses are not in tune to it, but I don't see how. Furthermore, what does it matter what other people think? unless you simply cannot accept with what they believe or think and it bugs you that much? If it feels good do it, but live with the consequences of your actions, man. And as Barry says, "Leave the lit end out!"
jd1 Offline
#17 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 5:28 AM EST
Joined: 02-14-2001
Posts: 3,118
Yeah, and what Mean said.
Dimmer Offline
#18 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 5:38 AM EST
Joined: 02-04-2001
Posts: 26
Thanks for all the advice all.

I only smoke at bars when I'm home so they're usually in bed when I get home. I throw my "bar-smokey" clothes in the laundry and all is well.

Oh, and Rick, I'm in the Air Force so drugs are out...
Skags on the otherhand... well I have a steady girlfriend.

later

D
rayder1 Offline
#19 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 7:41 AM EST
Joined: 06-02-2002
Posts: 2,226
Dimmer. Try this some time....understand....your father probably isn't as dedicated to anti-tobacco as you may think. I think that he claims to be to keep your mother happy and keep a good impression on you.

Some time,soon,take him camping, fishing or golfing or other quiet male bonding time (preferably an overnighter trip). At that time, while talking about life, money, women etc...ask him if he has ever tried a really good premium cigar. If he is 40-60 and has smoked before...chances are..he has. If he says "F&5k you..they make me want to throw up" , then your conversation on the subject is over.

If (chances are) he openly recalls a few cigar memories, or if he looks off at the sky recalling a fading memory then take out a couple of your best (but mildest) and you might be suprised.

This is coming from someone a bit closer to your Dad's age than yours. If he has lived a little..and tried a few things..then you might have a suprise in store for you. Understand...all men look for something they can have to themselves, that they can keep from their wives. All the better to share it with their son.
rayder1 Offline
#20 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 7:42 AM EST
Joined: 06-02-2002
Posts: 2,226
By the way...Steve..if he is logged on to this site....he has already carried it on to excess....LOL.

Ray
Charlie Offline
#21 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 7:55 AM EST
Joined: 06-16-2002
Posts: 39,751
How have I missed this string? My two bits worth as follows:

Began smoking cigars in college, and I played collegiate baseball at Univ of Southern Mississippi! Chewed tobacco because it was a baseball thing and so on! Joined US Navy and smoked cigars and Marlboros! Parents were against me smoking so I hid that for many years, even though father smoked many cigarettes! Guilt and fear of family was silly, but I did hide the fact of my tobacco habits!

Quit cigarettes and cigars for many years except for occassional stogie while playing golf, cards or fishing!

Rediscoved cigars about 10 years ago and as a 50 something year older have continued the "addiction" to cigars and smoke as many as 3 a day and probably 15 to 25 per week!

I will not play Dear Abbey, just admitting to my "habit" and will continue to smoke em and want to have some cigars and a lighter along with Jack Daniels placed in my casket so I can have some cigars in Heaven!

End of story.

Charlie
DrMaddVibe Offline
#22 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 10:06 AM EST
Joined: 10-21-2000
Posts: 55,556
What Charlie said goes for me too! Be sure to have a lot of soap-box humidifiers with PG 50/50 in that casket. If I'm going, then I want my 70%!
Lowman Offline
#23 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 10:16 AM EST
Joined: 12-03-2002
Posts: 6,982
Rayder... That was beautiful... It brought a tear to my eye. ...sniff..sniff..
Skatty2hotty Offline
#24 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 10:20 AM EST
Joined: 05-29-2001
Posts: 288
Seeing as Dimmer is my best friend, I completely understand his situation.

Keeping his hobby secret from his father is probably a good thing for the time being. Dimmer's vice of choice (besides skags) happens to be the vice his father worked extremely hard to rid himself of. As long as he's under their roof, he should show respect.

Don't worry James, he'll know the truth when we light up a big stog at your commissioning!!!!

btw... its great when he has to have his deliveries sent to my house to ensure stealthiness. Always a good way to get a free smoke!
CNCInc Offline
#25 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 11:08 AM EST
Joined: 07-19-2002
Posts: 28
An objective of any good parent is to try and shelter or save your offspring from making the same mistakes you made. Your fathers apparent long time struggle with tobacco products have obviously left some sort of residual psychological scar which isn’t uncommon in ex-smokers. From what you say, he very much wants to protect you from going down the same path he went. Even though you are legally an adult, in your parent’s eyes your coming into maturity may be a long time off, especially if you’re an only child or the youngest. Keep in mind that even though you are taking the path of a lesser evil, it can still be habit forming, not to mention financially draining, all of which are concerns to parents of younger children, especially parents who are unwilling, for whatever reason to completely let go. However, even though your parent’s intentions are noble at heart you must stand on your own feet, it’s important for you to set your own boundaries and for your parents in turn to respect those boundaries. Understand that if you live in their household you will have to obey, and live with whatever rules they set; it is after all their house. If that means no tobacco products of any kind allowed in the house you’d have to find someplace else to store your newfound hobby. Until you come completely independent, rules are still rules. Even when you are independent there will still be rules, they just change.

Just my .00002 Cents


Chris
rayder1 Offline
#26 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 11:13 AM EST
Joined: 06-02-2002
Posts: 2,226
Yeah..that did sound kind of like a TV commercial.

Oh well try it anyway.
tarheel4lyf Offline
#27 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 1:17 PM EST
Joined: 09-23-2002
Posts: 2,543
while you're telling them about the cigars, that might be a good time to let them know that you're no longer a virgin, assuming that you're not.
eze Offline
#28 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 3:18 PM EST
Joined: 09-04-2002
Posts: 1,748
First tell your parents that you are gay. After that, nothing else will seem relevent.
eze Offline
#29 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 4:34 PM EST
Joined: 09-04-2002
Posts: 1,748
Then add...I only smoke cigars to keep my mouth occupied and my mind away from any unpure thoughts.
justforfun Offline
#30 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 9:21 PM EST
Joined: 03-06-2002
Posts: 797
Cool that you can voice your thoughts here and get some good positive feedback.

Finding your own way can be tough but its the journey that (in hindsight) makes it fun. I worked in a cigar store for one year in college, when I smoked cigarettes, and I thought cigars were the most disgusting things created by man. Sure am glad my trip ended up on the right road and I came back to the light (cigars that is).
CulleyJC52 Offline
#31 Posted: Thu, Jan 9 2003, 9:30 PM EST
Joined: 09-25-2002
Posts: 369
eze and tarheel

Rolling on ground laughing out loud

PS Tarheel, didn't our NC State Football team kick ass this season?l
tarheel4lyf Offline
#32 Posted: Fri, Jan 10 2003, 12:29 PM EST
Joined: 09-23-2002
Posts: 2,543
I don't really follow football that much. My only passion is UNC Basketball.

Go Heels!!
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