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A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a New York Mets fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Mets fans too. Not
really knowing what a Mets fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher,
their hands fly into the air.

There is, however, one exception. A little boy named Mike has not gone
along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Mets fan" he retorts.

"Then," asks the teacher "what are you?"

"I'm a proud New York Yankees fan!" boasts the little boy.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mike
why he is a Yankees fan.

"Well, my Dad and Mom are Yankees fans, so I'm a Yankees fan too" he responds.

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your
Mom was a moron, and your Dad was an idiot. What would you be
then?"

Mike says, "Then I'd be a Mets fan."

Nolan my most humble appologies for not noticing that the baseball season was over. I just thought that people may get a kick out of it since we had a few heated posts on this site re: the World Series. So if the joke is out of date for you change the names to your favorite and least favorite football teams.... Pleeeease...pleeease forgive me for being out of season.-moneygrip

Thanks Rook... I just learned a valuable lesson.... don't tell a joke out of season, the Nolan Joke Patrol might get you for telling a little Johnny school joke when school is not in session. Anyway, did you hear the one about the golfer that...wait, there is snow on the ground, nevermind! Back to cigars!

Geeez, I was only joking, I guess its my turn to tell one....Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane and as such
> have gone for a holiday back to the place where they first met.
>
> While sitting at a cafe the little old man says, 'Remember the
> first time I met you over fifty years ago? We left this cafe,
> went round the corner behind the gas works and I gave you one
> from behind.'
>
> 'Why, yes I remember it well dear,' replies the little old lady
> with a grin.
>
> 'Well, for old time's sake, lets go there again and I'll give you
> one from behind.'
>
> The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man
> sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to
> himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old
> pensioners at it. He gets up and follows the pensioners. Sure
> enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works.
>
> The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her
> dress. The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips
> and the little old lady then reaches for the fence.
>
> Well, what follows is forty minutes of the most athletic sex the
> young man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at
> the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as
> phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur,
> and they do not stop for a single second.
>
> Finally, they collapse and don't move for a hour.
>
> Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen
> anything that equates to this, not in the movies, not from his
> friends, not from his own experiences. Reflecting on what he has
> just seen, he says to himself, 'I have to know his secret. If
> only I could screw like that now, let alone in fifty years time!'
>
> The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed
> themselves. Plucking up courage the man approaches the pensioner.
> He says, 'Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody screw like
> that, particularly at your age. What's your secret, could you
> screw like that fifty years ago?'
>
> The pensioner replies, 'Son, fifty years ago that f***ing fence wasn't electrified.