America's #1 Online Cigar Auction
first, best, biggest!

Last post 21 years ago by Messier11. 8 replies replies.
JOKE FOR RICK...
Jump to Bottom | Previous Topic | Next Topic
E-Chick Offline
#1 Posted: Fri, May 9 2003, 9:53 AM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance.

'Suppose your husband were to die,' he said, 'what would you get?'

The housewife thought for a while, and then said,

'Oh, a parrot, I think.

Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet.'

E-Chick Offline
#2 Posted: Fri, May 9 2003, 9:53 AM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
It may be funnier the second time...

: )
Lowman Offline
#3 Posted: Fri, May 9 2003, 9:56 AM EST
Joined: 12-03-2002
Posts: 6,982
not really E... sorry...
E-Chick Offline
#4 Posted: Fri, May 9 2003, 10:48 AM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
LOL...
Spiny Norman Offline
#5 Posted: Fri, May 9 2003, 10:56 AM EST
Joined: 09-04-2002
Posts: 899
An agent, broker, and actuary are all caught drinking smuggled liquor while staying in Saudi Arabia. Under Saudi law, simply possessing alcohol is an offense punishable by death.
However, the local prince is feeling generous that day, so he commutes the death sentence and instead sentences each to 20 lashes. After further thought, the prince does not want to offend the American government, so he also grants each a wish to ease their suffering. The broker is punished first because he drank the most.
"What is your wish?", asks the saudi prince. "I'd like to have a pillow on my back," replies the broker. So a pillow is placed on his back, and the punishment begins. The pillow holds up for about 10 lashes, after which the broker screams out in pain. The actuary had only a few drinks, so he is punished next.
"I'd like to have two pillows on my back," boldly states the actuary. So two pillows are placed on his back, and the punishment begins. The pillows hold up for about 15 lashes,
after which the actuary screams out in pain. Finally, the agent steps forward. Of the three, he was the only one who didn't drink. The Saudi prince is impressed by this, and grants him two wishes. The agent then states, "Well, for my first wish, I want to receive 100 lashes, not 20." "Your courage is impressive," states the prince. "and for your second wish?"
"Strap the actuary onto my back", replies the agent
E-Chick Offline
#6 Posted: Fri, May 9 2003, 11:00 AM EST
Joined: 06-15-2002
Posts: 4,877
INSURANCE CLAIMS...

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest possible words.

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I knocked over my neighbor's little boy's tricycle. Unfortunately, he wasn't on it."

"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"I drove my truck under a bridge, and it didn't fit."

"I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"As I approached an intersection a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run so I ran over him."

"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."

"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

"I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
merlin9052 Offline
#7 Posted: Fri, May 9 2003, 3:35 PM EST
Joined: 04-25-2003
Posts: 308
E-Chick,
The insurance claim thing....ROFLMAO!!!
People are such idiots!Laughed so loud my wife thought i'd lost my mind! Thanks for the laugh...I needed it!!!
Eric
jd1 Offline
#8 Posted: Fri, May 9 2003, 8:45 PM EST
Joined: 02-14-2001
Posts: 3,118
great E! :LMAO
Messier11 Offline
#9 Posted: Sat, May 10 2003, 6:51 AM EST
Joined: 06-12-2002
Posts: 293
Oh gosh...I see this type of writing every day in the HS I teach in. The funniest thing is when it is brought to the student's attention, THEY STILL DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG!!! AAAAGGGHHHH!!
Users browsing this topic
Guest
Back to Top