jimmy@ctconnect.com
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 12:13:00 PM
... the funny and sad part is that somewhere on this forum ... someone actually read my post and thought to themselves ... "you know, Jimmy does have a point there" ....

.... just like the Special Olympics ... even if you win ... you're still retarded ...

315press
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 12:16:00 PM
^^ I thought the phrase was, "Even if you play for the NY Yankees...
JadeRose
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 12:21:00 PM
"just like the Special Olympics ... even if you win ... you're still retarded "

Alright Jimmy.....that made me laugh...LOL!!!

jimmy@ctconnect.com
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 12:22:00 PM
^ one in the same, isn't it?
jimmy@ctconnect.com
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 12:22:00 PM
#24 was for #22
Big_Bear
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 12:25:00 PM
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark-Suckers.

The Dark-Sucker Theory and the existence of dark-suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark-Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark-Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark-Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark-Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.

As it is with all things, Dark-Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark-Sucker.

A candle is a primitive Dark-Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark-Suckers is their limited range.

There are also portable Dark-Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. Some call the DSU's batteries. When the DSU is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark-Sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark-Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark-Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle-type Dark-Sucker.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. This is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

Is this clear yet?

jimmy@ctconnect.com
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 12:41:00 PM
^ ... if you would just change a few words around ... this could be made into a biography about my ex-wife ...
neopuritan
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 1:03:00 PM
^LOL

Jimmy, she must have been a rough one...

jimmy@ctconnect.com
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 1:19:00 PM
Neo my brother ... you have no idea ...

... she's the one that's cost me (almost) $200k in legal fees over the past 15+ years ...

... we have court (again) in New Hampsire on January 7th ... she's trying to get a court order that her son be "forced" to speak with her over the telephone ...

... what next? Court order for him to send her a Mother's Day card next year too?

I just really feel bad for my son ... he's such a great kid ... doesn't deserve to be put through this and if she would just chill out he'd open up to her and then they could repair their relationship ...

- it's sad ...

- and well, his mother has a right to be mad ... she's gotten bitter-butt-ugly over the past 15 years ... way too much time in the sun ... too many sand storms over the ass, across the face, etc ... she hasn't aged well at all ....

--- when I married her ... natural blonde, blue eyes, 5'9, 120lbs, beach buuny with a killer body ...

... now all that's left is a killer face ... LOL

Seriously, I'd have needed Viagra/Cialis and blurry contact lenses just to have kept getting it up with her had I not left her ... I'd be better off using lipstick on my thumb & index finger and make a play-date out of my hand and have all to myself than try to force one out with her ugly-ass lying naked beside me in bed ...

... I'd rather slip and fall in the shower at a gay health spa than let her put anything of mine between those wrinkled lips ...

... I'd rather wake up sandwiched between Gold1818XXX and Oprah than roll over and see her laying next to me ...

... 'nuff said?

cigarman692900
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 1:34:00 PM
#29

Seriously, you've got to loosen up and tell us exactly how you feel.

cigarman692900
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 1:36:00 PM
#2

For a guy who runs around with ballons on his head scaring little kids at birthday parties, that was a brilliant answer.

JadeRose
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 1:39:00 PM
That is THE answer.
pgje51
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 2:37:00 PM

wait until dark.

wvwa34
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 4:05:00 PM
34 34 34 34 34 34 34 34 34 34................................I told you guyz it 34......
JadeRose
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 4:21:00 PM
type this into Google:

What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?

cigarman692900
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 4:51:00 PM
You can lead an azzhat to google, but you can't make em understand that you've got the right answer.