1. If you’re over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...****.
2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer —it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..... 'Killer, come here! I said get your azz over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez, you're so queer.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish heads, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a ****.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or pizz in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too..
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free azz passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse, unless it is a spinner bait, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-azzed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
Just saying!
Burner02 wrote:
