What does a man gotta do to get some healing time around here! [ram27bat]
So Friday, I am just sitting in my office, minding my own business counting the wrinkles on my sack and I get this mysterious message that reads "So, did you get the package that arrived Wednesday?" I was up past around 10 wrinkles and suddenly lost count because my heart started pounding and the adrenaline started rushing. Still being gun shy from the last bomb I had received and trying to get past the PTSD of now having snail raped lips on my face, I ran out to the mailbox and eased up to it with a stick and pushed the door open..... Nothing thank god! Then it struck.
I am not the only one that lives here. I ran into my dark bedroom where my wife was sleeping, tripped over my wifes flip flop, fell, caught my face right on the door knob of the open closet door that was kind enough to knock out my two lower teeth. After feeling around in the dark I found my teeth laying beside the bed and stuck em in my pocket so they can be placed back in later. That was when I noticed this odd smell of burnt hair.
I reached up and cut on the bedside light. I see the wife was asleep but buried under the covers as this is how she normally sleeps. I look around and everything seems normal Thank Goodness and I just mark up the smell to my stroke. That is when from under the covers I hear my wife ask "What are you doing?" I start talking to the mound of blankets telling her about the message I had received. That is when she flips the covers off her head and sits straight up. It was like something in a horror movie. Her face was all burnt, her hair was like super singed. Her forehead now went all the way up to the top of her noggin cause that hair was totally gone, one eyebrow, A black eye, and some teeth missing. I let out a yell cause it scared the piss out of me. She says very angry like "You mean that damn bomb that came in the mail Wednesday? It's in the phuggin kitchen on the counter! 🤬
I go into the kitchen and see a box that has Lance's address written on it and the tape cut open where the wife caught the explosion. The good thing is, I doubt my wife will ever check the mail again. The bad news is, I now have a wife that looks like a freaking barbie doll that was in a house fire and for some strange reason she is pissed at me! 😕 😕
Now with all that said, here is the list of damages other than my now freakish looking wife and my two teeth that got knocked out.
LGC corona Gorda Maduro Love em
Osiris V NH
DE Undercrown Maduro Love em
Oliva Serie V Love em,
LCG #58 NH
Perdomo Reserve 10th Anniversary Champagne Love em
AF Hemingway Signature Cameroon NH
RyJ aniversario sumatra NH
Oliva Serie V Melanio Love em
Room 101 MC3 NH
Then to boot the coolest Ewok memorabilia I have ever seen. At first I thought this was carved out of wood. I find out that Lance had designed this and created it. It is an Ewok cigar rest. The cigar sits perfectly between his ears on his head and it has my handle (Ewok126) on the base. I have quite a few Ewok items as it has been my nickname for over 30 years but this was just so freaking awesome.
Lance I can not say thank you enough sir. Your kindness and generosity knows no bounds. Your designing skills are top notch to say the least. Out of all my Ewok items that I own this one ranks #1
Welp my phugged up looking burnt up ugly wife just got in from work. She is wanting to go eat. I asked if she wanted to stop by the wig store and the dentist on the way. She got pissed at me again.8-[
Peace!
Edited by user
7 years ago |
Reason: Not specified
