Just when I'm losing faith in society I see a little old lady smile and give up her seat for a pregnant man with a beard.

OBG....
My future wife has an equally stunning younger sister. One day while sitting on the couch, she cozied up to me and asked if I would like to go up to her room and fool around before her family returned. I told her I would need a stiff drink and a moment to think about it. When she headed for the liquor cabinet, I headed out the front door, only to be greeted by the rest of the family, my future wife included. Needless to say, I was welcomed into the family with open arms.

Moral of the story: always keep the condoms in your glovebox.

=d> =d> =d>

---

Koi fish always school in groups of four.

If attacked, Koi A, B, And C scatter, leaving behind the D Koi.


======================================

I saw a one legged man at the ATM.



He was checking his balance.

---

how do most black men find their way into successful businesses?

through the skylight




[gonzo] [gonzo] [gonzo] [gonzo] [gonzo] [gonzo] [gonzo] [gonzo] [gonzo]

dad joke.....

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, “Where is everybody?”
The bartender replies, “They’ve gone to the hanging.”
“Hanging? Who are they hanging?”
“Brown Paper Pete”, the bartender replied.
“What kind of a name is that?” the cowboy asked.
“Well,” says the bartender, “He wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers, and brown paper shoes.”
“How bizarre,” said the cowboy. “What are they hanging him for?”
“Rustling,” said the bartender.

😟

Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other
is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some
sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water,
panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too
late and we're all gonna die."

An announcement comes through the loudspeakers in the cabin of a turboprop: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. I hope you’re enjoying your flight. I’m afraid I must tell you that we ran into a little problem. For some reason the fuel levels are going down very rapidly. I reckon the left engine should stop in about two minutes and the right engine will follow suit shortly. I sincerely wish you the best of luck. Those of you sitting on the right side of the plane will be able to see two round white shapes in the sky below. Those are the parachutes of your pilot and co-pilot. This is a recorded message. Thank you for your attention”.

Fly funny! =d> =d> =d>

---

Two good ones..........😂 😂 😂 😂

Kvon comedy. Dude is hilarious.

Unless you fell on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Hilarious indeed, the floating Orange County Mothers! 😂

---

True! 😂

---

Orgasms are one of the healthiest forms of stress release. So when I tell you to go fuck yourself, it's because I care.

---

😂
😂

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.

One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I was taking it out or putting it away."

The second lady said, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs, and I can't remember whether I was on my up, or on my way down."

The third lady chimed in, "Well, I'm glad I don't have those problems. Knock on wood."

With that, she rapped her knuckles on the table, then said,

"That must be the door. I'll get it."

Each Friday night after work, Ole would fire up his barbeque on the shore of
Lake Woebegon and cook a venison steak.'

All of Ole's neighbors were Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were
forbidden from eating meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks wafted over the
neighborhood and was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that
they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Ole, and
suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Ole attended Mass... and as the priest
sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Lutheran and raised
a Lutheran but now you are a Catholic."

Ole's neighbors were relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful
aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and he rushed over to
Ole's place clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.

There stood Ole, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully
sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You vuz born a deer, you vuz
raised a deer, but now you is a rainbow trout."