Gene363
2 years ago
Dating 2020:

"The worst she can say is, "No"."

Dating 2023:

"I have a penis."


MACS
2 years ago
What's the difference between a stoner and a politician?

Politicians don't inhale...

...

...

They just SUCK.
Gene363
2 years ago
Gene363
2 years ago
Speaking of holes...

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and concluded, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, in California an archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: 'California archaeologists have found traces of 200-year-old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, a Texas newspaper, reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Bastrop, Bubba Mitchell, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless.
Gene363
2 years ago
Geology rocks
but Geography is where it's at.


Krazeehorse
Krazeehorse
2 years ago
OBG........
Sitting along an Upper Peninsula highway waiting to catch speeders, a Michigan State Police officer saw a car puttering along at 28 M.P.H. He thought to himself, "That car is just as dangerous as a speeder."

So, he turned his lights on and pulled the car over. Approaching the vehicle, he noticed there were 5 elderly ladies, two in the front and 3 in the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

The driver was obviously confused. She said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't going over the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving well under the speed limit can also be dangerous.”

"Under the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 28 miles an hour," the old woman said proudly.

The officer, holding back a chuckle, explained that 28 was the highway route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error.

"Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK? These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time.”
"Oh! they’ll be alright in a minute. We just got off Route 129.”
Gene363
2 years ago
Krazeehorse
2 years ago
You're An EXTREME Redneck When



1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

18. Popping the hood involves removing at least two bungee cords.

And in closing…

Two good ol' boys in a trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant. After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?”

The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"

Krazeehorse
2 years ago
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'

'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'

The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do any of those."
Gene363
2 years ago
Gene363
2 years ago
A son came to his Father and said: "So Dad I think she's the One, I want to get married."

Father: "Tell me you're sorry!"

Son: "No, I didn't do anything! I'm not saying sorry."

Father: "Tell me you're sorry!"

Son: "I didn't do anything, I'm not going to say I'm sorry"

Father: "Hey, until you can say you're sorry for no reason at all, you're not ready."
2 years ago
Guy goes to the doctor the doctor asks him "what's the problem"? Guy says "my a**hole hurts". Doctor asks him, "where at"? Guy says "right around the entrance". Doctor says "I got news for you buddy, as long as you keep referring to that part of your a**hole as an entrance....you're gonna continue to have problems".
Krazeehorse
2 years ago
Two good ones guys.
MACS
2 years ago
Where do bad rainbows go? Prism.

It's a light sentence... and gives them time to reflect.

8-[
deadeyedick
2 years ago
An oldie:

Guy buys his mother a parrot to keep her company. She is not home so he leaves the bird as a surprise. Next day he calls her.

Guy: mom how do you like the present?
Mom: It was delicious!
Guy: MOM! You ate the parrot!? It cost me $2000 and it can speak three languages!
Mom: Well, it should have said something.
Gene363
2 years ago
More good ones.


https://cigarbid.freeforums.net/thread/29/plug-base 
2 years ago
Guy gets caught f***ing a deer and gets arrested...calls his lawyer from jail lawyer tells him "I can defend you, but it's gonna be expensive". Guy says "that's not a problem, I just came into some dough"
Krazeehorse
2 years ago
It is the time of year we statrt eating too many things not good for us. Remember to eat plenty of vegetables.

I recommend extra servings of pumpkin bread, zucchini bread, pumpkin pie, and candy corn.

Also, November is men's health month. A substance called beta-sitosterol is especially beneficial to mens health. It is present in many foods, but an exceptionally rich source is Bourbon.
Choose your source wisely.
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